Ang controversial na feet massage sa Bahrain

Filed under: Features — GSM0d at 3:19 pm on Friday, June 25, 2010

Thank you for all your comments in my last blog entry. Your comments inspire me and make me write better blogs. Dapat pala magkamali ako ng info (unintentionally) o di kaya gumawa ng kontrobersial na statement para ma-antig ko ang inyong mga damdaming mag-comment.

To PEPster Sandalwood, I apologize if I enraged your sensibilities. I presume you are a man because if you were a woman, you would agree with me that wearing an abaya or burka and niquab is really oppressive for the women. Because of what you wrote, I asked all the Muslim women on the plane from Kuwait to London: “If you had your way, will you still wear your abaya and niquab?” They told me to wait till they get to London. By the time the plane was taxing at the Heathrow airport, all of them, except an elderly lady, took out their  abayas and niquaband. They were all wearing sexy clothes. The younger women had “fuck-me” blouses, with their cleavage all looking at me saying, “Does that answer your question?”

As a woman, PEPster Sandalwood, I believe that we should be at par with the men because God/Allah/The Great Creator made man and woman equal. Therefore, no culture should block that freedom. I will not go on a debate with you, PEPster sandalwood, because just like religion debates, it will not go anywhere. As I do respect what you firmly believe in, do respect my point of view as well.

To Blonde skinny bitch, I missed you so much. Please comment more often because your  out-of-this-world comments ignite traffic in my blog. Hahaha!

I just finished a successful show in Birmingham, United Kingdom, and I am now on the plane in the London Heathrow airport blogging. These past few weeks, I have been doing shows  for our overseas Filipino workers across the globe, starting in Oman with Jed Madela, Taiwan with Vina Morales , Mark Bautista and Sponge Cola , Macau with Keempee de Leon and now, U.K. I have so many stories to tell you about  the stars and the places I have gone to.

But this Feet Massage blog is the top of the list due to its controversy. Filipinos in the Middle East, most especially in Bahrain, please confirm if this story is indeed true.

May nakatabi akong Amerikanang  professor sa Kuwait at nang malaman niyang Pilipina ako, na-excite siya dahil marami raw siyang mga kaibigang Pilipino sa Kuwait. May mga alam siyang Tagalog words at nagpakitang gilas sa akin. Bagamat pala-utot, na ikinainis ko dahil napakabangis ng amoy at dumidikit sa kaluluwa ko, maganda at napakatalino niya at napakaraming kuwento. Buti na lang at hindi mabaho ang kanyang bibig kaya isinantabi ko nalang ang baho ng kanyang utot para pakinggan ang isang nakakalokang kuwento tungkol sa feet massage sa Bahrain.

Bawal uminom ng alak sa Kuwait  kung kaya’t kinailangan ni Professor U (short for Ututin) na pumunta kasama ng kanyang  barkadang babae sa Bahrain para uminom. Pagkatapos mag-happy happy, nakakita ang mga magbabarkada ng isang sikat na lansangan sa  Bahrain kung saan laganap ang karatulang feet massage. Siguro dalawampu o mahigit ang business establishment na nagbibigay ng feet massage doon sa kalyeng iyon.

Nang  pumasok sila at umupo, may lumabas na dalawang bading na Pilipino, fully-made up na parang babae at nagulat. Hindi nagulat  si Prof U at ang kanyang kaibigan,  yung dalawang Pilipinong bading ang nagulat at sinabing  hindi sila gumagawa ng babae.

Nagtaka si Professor U at ang kanyang kaibigan kaya’t lumipat sila sa isa pang feet massage parlor at ganoon din ang sinabi sa kanila. Naka-lima siguro sila ng pinuntahan at nang magalit na si Prosessor U at magwala dahil walang gustong gumawa sa kanya, binulungan siya ng isang Pilipinong bading na “masahista” at sinabi ang totoo.

Apparently, the feet massage sign is only a “front”  for something you are about to find out…Alam naman nating maraming  bading sa Middle East. At hindi naman lingid sa ating kaalaman na marami tayong kababayang Pilipino na nare-rape sa wet-paks (sodomy) sa Middle East lalung-lalo na kung makinis ang iyong mukha at walang bigote. Siguro napagod na ang mga Pilipino na nare-rape doon kaya pinagkakitaan na lang nila at pagiging “bottom” (Think Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain) for a price. And that is what feet massage is all about.  It’s a code for men who like to pay to enter thru the back door. Ayyyy! Di ba mahaba daw at malaki yung mga ari nila doon?  Paano kung mawakwak? Ayyyyy can’t imagine!!!

“Are you sure they were Filipino service men? They could be Thai or Malaysian, we Asians all look alike to you Caucasians,” I asked professor U.  Sabi niya, sigurado daw siya dahil nagta-Tagalog daw sila at nakaka-pick up siya ng konting Tagalog dahil tinuturuan daw siya ng mga kaibigan niyang Pilipino kaya’t 100 percent sure siyang Pilipino ang mga “masahista.”

Kung totoo nga ang kuwentong ito, nakakapanlulumo naman na ang tingin sa Pilipino ng mga taga- Bahrain ay isang malaking PW*T!  Nakakalungkot isipin na dahil sa hirap ng buhay, magpapawakwak-pw*t ang mga kapwa nating Pilipino para makapagpadala lang ng pera sa kanilang pamilya dito sa Pilipinas. Nakakahiya din kung talagang puro Pilipino ang service men. Baka makilala na tayo as good flesh instead of good labor.

Paki-verify nga kung totoo itong kuwentong narinig ko. Please comment on this blog and enjoy more blogs from me and my travels in the coming week.

Lastly, I was just wondering why of all codes, feet massage. I guess the joke is true that a man’s feet is proportional to his p*nis. Haha!  Namalik-mata lang siguro yung mga Filipino service men at iba yung namasahe kasi magkasinglaki!  Till my next blog.


* Filipinos in Madrid, watch me and Randy Santiago at the Colegio de San Agustin in Madrid on June 27, Sunday. The show is for free, and is sponsored by Globe Telecom.

* Filipinos in Hong Kong, watch me with Dingdong Dantes, Luis Manzano, and Aegis band at the Chater Park in Hong Kong on July 4. Again, it is sponsored by Globe Telecom.

* Filipinos in Hounslow, United Kingdom, watch me, Vina Morales and Pokwang on July 17-18. The “Barrio Fiesta” will be sponsored by TFC and Globe Telecom.

* My Bohol Beachfront Hostel is open and ready. You may email giselleoffice@gmail.com for reservations. Fan Rooms are at P595 per person and aircon rooms at 1000 per person. Airconditioned rooms with toilet and bathroom are at P2000 per room.  You may rent the entire first floor at P6000; the entire second floor at P20,000; and the entire home at 25,000. The entire home has twenty beds but can fit up to 25 people.

Pagrespeto sa Kultura (Adventures in Qatar and Oman)

Filed under: Travelogue — GSM0d at 1:43 am on Thursday, June 10, 2010

I’ll make my blogs short and sweet so that I can update it once or twice a week. Nakaka-guilty rin na di mag-update lalo na kung maraming sumusunod sa Gspot. I just watched the premiere of Sex in the City, sponsored by our friend Grace Ang of Mercedes Benz.

I was with the Eduardo sisters, both with their Birkin bags, and met more friends in Birkins like Salome Uy. Nagmukha tuloy  t*e yung Chanel GST ko kasi lahat naka-Birkin! Okay lang. What’s important ay HINDI eye-poor ang mga may hawak ng Birkin.

“Eye-poor” means matapobre, as defined by the Queen of all gay talk Imee Marcos.  Mata-pobre, eye-poor…All of them were cool, not eye-poor!

Panalong-panalo ang Sex in the City 2 lalo na sa mga witty dialogues!

“Lawrence of my Labia” was my ultimate laugh trip! Pumapangalawa ang pagtanong ni Charlotte (portrayed by Kristin Davis) habang nakatingin sa 42 pills ni Samantha (Kim Cattral) ng, “Can you swallow all of that?” Pagkatapos sinagot siya ni Samantha ng, “Have we met?” Clap, clap, clap!

Lalo kong ipinagmalaki ang aking pagkababae dahil sa Sex in the City. Lalo kong kinamuhi ang mga mapang-aping kultura tulad na lang ng mga babaeng napipilitang magsuot ng Burka at Niquab sa gitna ng init ng araw dahil kailangang itago ang pagkababae nila.

Naalala ko tuloy ang adventures ko sa Oman at Qatar nang makita ko ang eksena, kung saan kinukuyog si Samantha ng mga lalakeng konserbatibo sa palengke.

Let me share a few of my adventures in Oman and Qatar.

I just got back from a successful concert in Muscat, Oman with Jed Madela. Grabe ang init init doon, 54 degrees! If Manila is an oven, then Muscat is hell! Hell, only in temperature.

Muscat is a beautiful place. Para kang nasa set ng  Alladin. Lamps are sold in almost every stall in the market. “Does that come with a genie?” I asked the store owner. He just smiled. Di niya ata ako naintindihan.

Oman is part of the United Arab Emirates. It is an open city just like Dubai.  And as it is part of the arab emirates, it is a city in the desert, which explains the 54-degree temperature.

Pagdating na pagdating ko, sa sobrang init, ramdam na ramdam ko na ang baskil ko. Baskil for the sosyal is short for basang kilikili (bas-kil). It is a Tagalog slang term for perspiration in your arm sleeves. With Baskil, I decided to take my sweater off. Bigla ako pinigilan ni Tita Liz ng Western Union.

Tita Liz: Huwag, kukuyugin ka nila!

Giselle: Ha! Akala ko ba open city ito.

Tita Liz: Yes, pero bago lang. They are not used to skin. You have to respect their  culture.

So tiniis ko ang feeling ng may baskil. Sh*t.

Sabagay may point siya. Kinuyug na ‘ko dati sa Qatar. Dito nagbalik sa aking alaala ang eksena sa Sex in the City 2 na nagagalit yung mg lalake at kinukuyug si  Samantha sa palengke. Parang ganoon ang nangyari sa akin sa Qatar minus the galit factor.

By some bad streak of luck, there was a glitch in the travel booking that Qatar Airways did for me, such that, when I returned from London with a stopover in Qatar, the flight to Manila was the next day.

Qatar Airways arranged for me to stay overnight in a hotel in Qatar but they no longer pulled out my luggage because I already had a boarding pass. Besides, the luggage will go straight to Manila. That was the gist.

It was winter in London and December in Manila. So all I had packed for the plane ride were leather pants, a leather jacket, a pashmina shawl, a sexy inner tank top and my deodorant. Upon arriving in the hotel, I decided to change my money so I could buy a panty and some things I’ll need. It was 45 degrees outside since Qatar is also a desert.

I asked the front desk if Qatar was an open city and he told me I was lucky because they just declared Quatar as an open city several weeks ago. I went outside in my tank top.

Three steps outside the door of the hotel, five men approached me and stared. They maintained a distance of one meter respecting my personal bubble. But they blocked my way so I couldn’t pass through. Then another five approached, then another six. Sixteen men, all staring maliciously. Some were even panting. Parang aso. Para akong hinuhubaran sa kanilang mga tingin. Worse, para bagang pinagpaparausan nila ako sa kanilang mga isipan. Na-tense ang lola. Excuse me, komedyante ako. Hindi ako bold star!

Unti-unti akong umatras pabalik ng hotel. Feeling ko mare-rape ako in broad daylight. I successfully got back to my hotel with them still staring. Pagpasok ko, may nasalubong akong Pilipino. “Giselle sanchez, ano ginagawa mo dito? Huwag kang lumabas ng  ganyan. Di pa sila sanay sa braso. Kukuyugin ka nila!” my too-late-the-hero told me.

I had no choice but to cover up. Tense na rin akong mamukhaan ng mga manyak sa labas. I wore my leather jacket since it was the only clothing I had with sleeves, I wore my  black pashmina shawl like a niquab worn by Quatari women to cover their faces. I wore this in the 45 degree heat!  Ga-munggo ang pawis ko…para lang makabili ng panty! Nakakalokah!

To all PEPsters: Wait for my next blog. Part two ng Oman with Jed Madela.

I now have my very own entertainment column in Manila Bulletin that comes out every Mondays or Tuesdays so but the paper in both days.

I’m also leaving for six countries this June for a series of shows so always check my blog for more adventures with Asia’s Funny Girl—Giselle Sanchez’ Gspot!