Namangha ako nang mapanood ko ang Avatar. Nalampasan ni James Cameron ang kanyang mga ginawang pelikula na Terminator at Abyss hindi lang sa computer graphic Imagery (CGI) kundi pati sa istorya.

Nakakaloka panoorin ang Avatar lalo sa sa 3D dahil parang  katabi mo talaga ang mga puno na akala mong totoo at mga Navis (mga alien na kulay blue at nakatira sa planetang Pandora). Sa Imax theater pa ako nanood kaya lagi kong kinukurot ang sarili ko at pinapaalala na animation lang ang lahat ng napapanood ko.

Feeling ko talaga, nasa Pandora ako. At feeling ko, kaya namatay si Grace [Sigourney Weaver’s character] kasi hindi ako sumali kasama nang lahat ng nanonood sa Imax sa pagsayaw at pagdasal para masalba ang buhay niya. “Hindi kasi tayo nagsayaw Bebe, na-save sana natin si Grace,” ang pabiro kong sinabi sa asawa ko na ikinatawa ng mga katabi ko sa sinehan.

Most bloggers would agree with me that James Cameron’s Avatar took us into a shamanistic journey. Shamanism is based on the premise that the visible world is pervaded by invisible forces or spirits that affect the lives of the living.

The shamans are the priestesses with the ability to heal, work with energies, and see visions. Yung shaman sa Avatar ay yung mommy ng bidang babae, yung matandang leader na kamukha ni Aling Dionisia…

May nakapagsabi sa akin na ako ay isang Shaman sa aking nakaraang buhay at ang mga espiritu ng mga puno ko dito sa bahay na ito ang pumili sa akin para maging may-ari ng bahay ko. Weird pero may point siya kasi dapat iba ang bibili ng bahay na tinitirhan ko ngayon. Kaso hindi nakahabol sa initial downpayment dahil nagka-aberya kaya ako ang nakabili ng bahay. ‘Tapos plano namin ng arkitekto at contractor ko na tibagin lahat ng puno. Ang kaso, nanaginip ako na kinausap ako ng mga espiritu at sinabing kapag tinibag namin ang mga puno lalo na yung malaking puno ng mangga at puno ng acacia, maraming kamalasan ang mangyayari sa pamilya ko.

Kahit Kristiyano ako, pinakinggan ko na rin ang aking panaginip. Nasalba ko pa ang mga malalaki at magagandang puno sa paligid ng bahay ko. Hindi ako pagano pero kahit Kristiano ako, naniniwala ako na may mga espiritu talaga na nakatira sa puno ko.

Tuwing November 2, All  Souls Day, napagkakatuwaan kong  bigyan ng pagkain ang mga “espiritu” sa bahay ko. Last November 2, 2009 ay naging busy ako kaya nakalimutan ko. November 3, biglang tinubuan ng pula-pulang pantal ang five-month baby boy ko sa kanyang buong katawan. Sabi ng tatay ni Emil, Roseola lang ‘yan at mawawala lang pagkatapos ng  tatlong araw.

I researched on Roseola and found out that it comes with a high fever (up to 105 degrees Fahrenheit). Walang lagnat ang baby ko. Hindi ko matatagalan ang tatlong araw na makita ang anak kong puro pantal kaya dinala namin sa albularyo at kinabukasan, nawala lahat ng pantal. Nagtampo daw ang mga “espiritu” kasi walang handa noong November 2. Ngek!

Totoo ba talaga ang mga momoo o mga “espiritu”? Kayo, mga PEPsters, nagkaroon na ba kayo ng momoo experience? I had one fictional experience recently and you will get to watch it this Thursday in TV5’s  Momoo and Me. Dinalaw ako ng pinakamalaking momoo ng mga puno: ang KAPRE.

Gumanap ako bilang Dra. Mickey Melo. Hindi ako ngongo sa istorya. Barangay doctor ako na dinalaw ng malaking KAPRE. Manood na lang kayo sa TV5 sa Huwebes, 8:30 p.m., kung bakit ako dinalaw ng Momoo.

Bonggang-bongga yung gumanap na Kapre. He was seven foot tall and had a shoe size of 16. Sixteen! You know what they say about men with big feet…they have big shoes!

Seriously, they say that the size of a man’s foot is directly proportional to the man’s p*nis. Medyo agree ako dun kasi 11 ang size ng paa ng asawa ko. HIHIHI. Pero itong actor na ito na gumanap na Kapre ay may size 16 na paa, ano na lang kaya ang size ng kanyang aherrm…Nakaw!  Siguro hanggang tuhod! Haaay. Kanino magkakasya yun! At eto na ang nakuha kong scoop. Balita ko nililigawan daw niya si Mahal!

Ahahahay! Wakwak! Siyempre joke lang ito. Tawa naman diyan! Para masaya ang  2010 ninyo.

 Merry Christmas!

Punung-puno na naman ang NAIA (Ninoy Aquino International Airport) sa pag-uwi ng ating mga bagong bayani—ang mga OFWs.

Here’s a Christmas list on suggested things to do on your short but happy trip to the Philippines:

1. Visit family and do not forget the pasalubong!

Huwag niyo na gawin lahat except this one. Kung ayaw ninyong maghimutok ang mga kamag-anak ninyo, lalung-lalo na ang mga lolo’t lola. Maramdamin ang mga matatanda. Kung maikli lang ang oras ninyo sa Pilipinas, isabay na lahat ng kamag-anak. Di naman importante na maraming pagkain o handa sa mga kamag-anak mo. Ang importante ay ang “pasalubong”!

Do you know that there is no word for “pasalubong” in the English language? That’s because the Filipinos are known to be very thoughtful and generous to their families. Hindi ‘kanya-kanya.’ Yun nga lang, kapag may nakalimutan ka na kamag-anak, sangkaterba na ang maririnig mo:

“Grabe nagbago na siya.”

“Ang kuripot naman. Saan kaya niya nilalagay lahat ng pera niya? Isaksak na lang niya sa baga niya”

“Yumaman lang, nagbago na.”

“Nag-ibang bansa lang, nakalimot na, sama makarma.”

ASUS!

Ang kaso, ang dami nating kamag-anak. Even if we buy all the towels in Kmart or try to accommodate all our relatives by going to a dollar store in the U.S. or  a Hakien shop in Japan (all items are 45 pesos), talo ka pa rin sa “over-baggage fee” kapag nai-check in mo na ang bagahe mo. Kung ang iniisip ninyo ay “over-baggage fee,” may solusyon diyan. Paano niyo maiiwasan ang mga masasakit na salita?

2. Shop at the lowest prices in Divisoria’s 168 and Tutuban

To avoid the dreaded “over-baggage” fee that sometimes cost as much as the plane fare (believe me, that happened to me!), do your shopping  in the Philippines. Malay ba nila! Unless they read my blog too! Hahaha!

Duty Free is a good idea—all imported and same prices if you buy the stuff abroad but no “over-baggage fee.” If you have a limited budget, go to Divisoria. You would literally open your jaw at the prices of the goods sold there. SOBRANG MURA! May nakakilala nga na tindera sa akin at sinigaw, “Si Giselle Sanchez, nag-Didivisoria?”  Sagot ko, “Oo. Si Imelda Romualdez  Marcos nga, e, nag-168. Bakit di ako puwede? “

168 Mall and Tutuban are found in Divisoria. Some 168 stalls are open as early as 3:00 a.m. Parking is very difficult in 168 so please come early. There is ample parking in Tutuban Mall. Please be careful with your bags and wallets. Also, if your buying in bulk, please count your items and make sure they are all functional and have no damage. I don’t think that there are exchange policies in Divisoria due to the low prices.

2. For TFC subscribers, watch WOWOWEE!

“Giselle, may mga kamag-anak ako galing L.A., pasok mo naman sa Wowowee.”

Naku po, sobrang diyahe na ako sa mga ABS-CBN friends ko. If you’re a TFC subscriber, you can just call TFC in your country and they will arrange it for you. You must do this at least one month before. Alam mo naman tayong mga Pilipino, ang hilig sa last minute. Di po puwede yun dahil may allotment po tayo sa TFC subscribers pero kailangan din i-accommodate ang daan-daang nagka-camp out sa labas ng ABS-CBN the day before para lang una sila sa pila na nag-uumpisa ng ala-una ng umaga!  Panalo talaga si Willie!

3. For GMA subscribers, visit Manny Pacquiao’s taping

I really don’t know the policies for this but you can try. I’m not promising an affirmative answer but as I have said, you can try. If you’re a GMA subscriber, you can try calling your GMA cable provider in your country and ask if your group you can visit  the taping of Manny Paquiao’s sitcom Show me the Money. If GMA agrees to this, you’re lucky! But if indeed you are lucky to see Pacquiao face to face, just don’t  have the guts to ask if the rumors between him and Krista Ranillo are true or not. Baka makatikim kayo ng pambansang kamao…ng asawa niyang si Jinkee! Buti nga sa inyo. Huwag kasi nakikialam ng buhay ng may buhay.

4. Have a thermal scan with Dr. Roderick Tan in MDTI (Medical Digital Infared Thermal Imaging) to detect “hot spots” in your body through Infared technology.

I do this yearly to save my costs for my yearly medical check-ups. When you have a “hot spot” in your body, it means that there is an inflammation and there is something wrong in that specific place. For example, in the my recent MDTI, Dr. Tan discovered that I had an inflammation in my teeth, so I went to the dentist, and true enough, there was a cavity that was about to develop which is why it was not yet painful. He also discovered an inflammation on my digestive system so I had it checked and I was diagnosed by the doctors of having acid reflux.

Yearly medical check-ups are as important as saving money in the bank because PRVENTION IS THE BEST CURE! But these check-ups cost $5,000 to $10,000 if you don’t have any insurance in the U.S. or the countries you work in. Here in the Philippines, it can cost you $1,000 especially if you have the complete check-up that would require you to check-in for one day in the hospital. But if you already know which part of your body deserves special attention because you already had your body scanned through thermal imaging, then it will save you time and money.

For me, the best part of a body scan is that I don’t have to go through the painful mammogram. Having a mammogram is as painful as giving birth without an anesthesthetic. Two cold plates squeeze your breast, left to right, up and down. Kumuha ka ng dalawang plancha na hindi nakasaksak sa kuryente. Di ba malamig yung pw*t niya. Ngayon, ipitin mo yung s*so mo sa gitna ng dalawang plancha. Huwag mong titigilan hanggang feeling mo may lumalabas na dugo sa ut*ng mo. Ganun ang pakiramdam ng mammogram. Ang saya-saya ‘di ba. Kung sa lalaki pa, parang hinataw ng batuta ng isang politician yung ari mo. Ganun! Ganun ang feeling!

With the MDTI machine, it just takes your picture and reads the heat level in your body. It’s painless, no radiation (X-rays have so much radiation), and according to their website, www.med-detect.com, “MDTI is the only one that can screen developing future breast cancer and it’s 83% accuracy is comparable to mammography in detecting cancers. Ibig sabihin, magkaka-breast cancer ka pa lang, made-detect na ng machine. I will write a whole blog about this next time.

Breast screening price us only 3,000 pesos (around $60) and a full body scan is only 6,500 pesos ($130) if done here in the Philippines. MDTIs in other countries cost $250 for breast screening and a full body scan cost $500 in other countries. For an appointment, call Dr. Eric Tan’s office at 02-706-38-76 or 0917-816-87-07 or visit them at Unit 1009 Tycoon Center, Pearl Drive, Ortigas Center, Pasig City.

5. Know your future with Madame Chi

I usually just do this fortune telling thing for fun. But I must say that Madame Chi is the best in reading your past, present, and future. I was amazed. She will even strengthen your faith in God because she will tell you what to pray for. Madame Chi predicted and told everybody about “Ondoy” but nobody believed her.

She predicted Japan’s earthquakes but Japan bought her predictions and believed her measures of prevention which is the reason why there was minimal damage in the cities of Japan where she predicted the quakes and Japan’s disaster coordinating council was fully prepared so damage was controlled.

Today she predicts that disaster is not over for the Philippines. A huge earthquake will destroy a lot of property so she suggests to all the Filipinos to pray that God will spare us and not make it happen. She also suggests to all that work in tall buildings to pack biscuits, three bottles of mineral water and salt in your tables.

I know a lot of call center agents in Sykes read my blog, so just in case, please take the necessary precautions. For one-on-one sessions with Madame Chi, you may text or call her assistant at 0917-986-07-85 / 0908-215-18-09/ 0915-188-57-74. These cell phone numbers only accept appointments. Please do not use it to ask your personal questions or make prank calls.

7. Visit Cebu, Bohol, Boracay.

You can visit my blog entry on where to  stay in Bohol, Cebu and Boracay. Just CLICK HERE.

8. Have a non-invasive face lift or a lipo using “ultasound” in the Zen Institute

My husband and I have always been a fan of exercise. But ever since we tried the non-invasive lipo (no operation, no injection), bigla kaming tinamad. Hahaha! But we still exercise (pa-minsan-minsan, hehe) .

The Zen ultra lipo uses the ultra sound technology that bursts fat cells (and only fat cells) so it does not destroy any vein or capillary in your body. It literally takes off 1-2 inches from your stomach, thighs and arms. But you can only do it once a week because your liver needs to rest.

I’m also a fan of  the non-invasive face lift that I do once a week. The resolift uses Radio frequency technology. It stimulates the collagen underneath your skin making you look like you’re in your 20’s after. Zen Institute also uses natural fillers (your own blood) versus artificial fillers from chickens for your laugh lines.

Zen Institute Medical spa is located at the 5th floor in Podium (635-47-08), or 69 Scout Rallos, Tomas Morato in Quezon City (441-17-12/ 441-06-92), or Bonifacio Stopover, Bonifacio Global Ciy in The Fort (856-20-27 up to 28 and 0917-548-11-17.) Visit their website at http://www.thezeninstitute.com/.

9. Pay it forward by visiting a charity institution or feeding the poor.

a. Home for the Aged, Golden Acres-  Bagong Bantay, Quezon City or call 929-11-87.

b. Feed the homeless in Nuestra Senora de Guia Parish Church in Malate or contact Brother Rommel at 0908-267-05-51.

c. Feed the children and the poor in Tondo or contact Fr. Eric Santos at 0917-892-14-43 or his facebook account, Paring Eric Santos.

d. Jose Fabella Center- A residential institution that provides temporary shelter for strandees, vagrants and mendicants. Address is Welfareville, Correctional Road, Mandaluyong City and its phone numbers are 531-86-97, 531-11-64, 531-00-90.

e. Haven for Children - A residential institution that provides rehabilitation facilities for boys aged 7-13 who are recovering from substance abuse. Address is Alabang, Muntinlupa City, or call 807-1591.

f. National/Area Vocational Rehabilitation Center- A non-residential institution that provides programs and services to persons with disabilities and other special groups (Project 4 , Quezon City- 913-97-84, 913-97-80)

g. Nayon ng Kabataan- A residential institution for abused, orphaned, abandoned, neglected and exploited children ages 7-17 years old. It is situated in Welfareville Compound, Mandaluyong City, and contact numbers are 532-91-52, 533-17-01.

h. Reception and Study Center for Children- Child-caring institution that provide services to abandoned, neglected and/or surrendered children 0-6 years of age. It is located in Misamis St., Bago Bantay, Quezon City, or call 927-42-44, 926-67-50.

i.Tahanang Walang Hagdan- donate wheelchairs for the institution of the disabled. Visit Aida Street, Marick Subdivision, Cainta, Rizal, or call 655-00-55 up to 59, 655-08-12, fax 677-68-25, 240-21-30.

j. Edsa Shrine Free Medical/Dental clinic- donate medicines, manual help or cash at Shrine of Mary, Queen of Peace (Our Lady of EDSA). It’s on EDSA corner Ortigas Avenue, Quezon City, or call 631-57-34.

10. Visit a church and thank God for all the blessings He gave you.

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR, PEPSTERS!

Pacquiaowin nating Pilipino ang palakpak ng mundo.

We deserve it. Manny Pacquiao is a Filipino, and the whole world claps for  him. Thanks to Pacquiao, our national pride has been raised another notch. Pang-Guinness Book of world records na siya!

Manny is the only man in the whole world that has won in seven different weight divisions ( flyweight, super-bantamweight, featherweight, super-featherweight, lightweight,  junior welterweight, and welterweight) in the history of boxing.

According to 79-year old Top Rank  promoter  Bob Arun, “I am now on record to say Manny Pacquiao is the best boxer I have ever seen and that includes Muhammad Ali, Sugar Rey Leonard, or Marvin Hagler. I have never seen anyone like him. “

Even the bandits in Mindanao had decided to free Irish Columban priest Michael Sinnot so that they could go down the mountains to watch the fight of Pacquiao. Hindi ba nakakalokah? Nang tinanong kung sino ang dapat niyang pasalamatan sa kanyang paglaya, ang sagot ni padre, “Manny Pacquiao.”

After  one month in captivity, sleeping under a tarpaulin-covered tent, and walking the woods every day for six hours, Fr. Sinnot—who has a two million dollar ransom on his head—was freed just like that. His captors wanted to watch the Pacquiao fight.

I watched the fight via pay-per-view (no commercials) with my family and my best  friend Ina Raymundo. We were holding hands, screeching and screaming like were watching a horror movie. After every round, I kept on saying, “I need a commercial break to recover.”

In fairness to Miguel Cotto, he put up a good fight. After the first round when Miguel Cotto threw in double left jabs that made Pacquiao a little off balance, I prayed to God for Manny to win the game. Never akong nagdasal for Manny kasi alam kong kayang-kaya niyang manalo.

Si Ricky Hatton nga, pang-two rounds lang kay Pacquiao. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, “Naku baka mga manalo si Cotto. Nag-HEAD AND SHOULDERS lang kasi si Pacquiao. E, pang dandruff lang yun. Di ba niya alam na Cotto (kuto) and kalaban niya? “

But Manny was not only  strong. He was smart. He made Cotto feel too confident by doing the rope-the-dope technique. Nagtataka ako bakit pumapayag si Manny magpa-corner sa ringside, sumandal sa ring ropes at magpasuntok kay Cotto. I didn’t know it was a technique  (Muhammad Ali is known for this technique) so that Cotto will forget his powerful jarring left jab and concentrate on moving in to unload short-range bombs.

It was risky for Pacquiao but smart. Just when Cotto was feeling more comfortable unloading power shots to Pacquiao on a close range in round four, Pacquiao gave him a vicious left hook in his jaw that made Cotto drop to his knees.

After Cotto endured 336 punches from Manny, the referee Kenny Bayless decided to halt the fight seeing Cotto full of blood and being punched consecutively by our idol.

Seeing this billboard in Union Square, San Francisco is overwhelming and heart-stopping. Dati-rati, taga-linis lang tayong Pilipino ng billboards sa Amerika. Ngayon, Pilipino na ang nasa billboard!

Time Magazine has only featured a few Filipinos on their cover—President Ferdinand Marcos, President Cory Aquino, and now, Manny Pacquiao. Truly you have to be SOMEONE in your TIME and make a difference before you can be a cover of Time magazine.

What good news Manny Pacquiao brought to a grieving nation. After Ondoy, Pepeng, and news about politicians being tried on corrupting and malversing the funds of the Filipinos, we deserve to hear good news. MABUHAY KA, PACQUIAO! SALAMAT!

Yehey, sem break!

That was always my battlecry since grade 1 to high school in Poveda Learning Center. My favorite time of the year, aside from Christmas and Holy Week, for an obvious reason of course.

Now that I’m a parent, these breaks are chances to make memories for my children, so I really make it a point to bring them around everytime I get the time a chance. Here are some budget vacation spots that are totally worth it. Kumbaga sa  atin, SULIT NA SULIT!

To fly to these places, make sure you book three months in advance to avail cheap fares or go by boat or RoRo.

BOHOL. I LUV IT! That was my first reaction when I saw our hotel room, which was as big as a bungalow house, and it was only for 3,000 pesos per night. When my daughter Lia saw the pool, she immediately took her clothes off and jumped in it.

“Easy Lia, parang ngayon ka lang nakakita ng pool.” The bungalow houses behind us are for only 3,000 pesos each per night. Bongga sa barato divah!

Casa Filomena has hotel rooms (two houses) only, so the privacy of the pool and bayview is all yours.

Each room is so spacious it can actually house four to five persons. Bagay na bagay ito sa mga artista or anyone who values privacy kasi di ka i-chi-chismis ng mga staff. I was with my family anyway so wholesome ako like my blog. Hehehe.

The owners of Casa Filomena also own a nipa mansion in Pamilakan island, an island off Bohol. I say nipa “mansion” because the nipa-inspired house is so big and classy, with first-class furniture, that you would think you’re in the Maldives. The best part is you get to own this two-room nipa house that can actually house 15-20 people for only 6,000 per night. You get a seaview in your bedroom, a landscaped mountain view in your breakfast lanai, a seaview in your dining room, and a wonderful living room where you can bond and play with your family and friends for only 6,000 pesos.

Pamilakan island greeters are dolphins in the morning and a friendly staff and crew for your disposal if you fail to wake up earl y and see the dolphins.

You virtually own the island because there is only one nipa house with two rooms, so if it’s the privacy you want, you will have all of the privacy in the world. Bagay na bagy ito sa naba-blind item na artista at politician-boyfriend niya. Ooopps. Dami palang ganoong blind item.

You have a white beach in front of your house, and for a nice quiet walk in the garden trail, you get to bask in another stretch of white beach with cabanas. Again, these cabanas are for your disposal only with matching security guard to watch you.

Since the island was all ours, I was planning to go mooning to make my daughter laugh. Kaso napagtanto ko na kapag pinakita ko ang maputi kong pw*t sa anak ko, makikita din ng security guard na nakabantay sa amin. Hahaha!

Soledad Suites will be the hotel for you if you’re not really fond of swimming and plan to do the whole Bohol tour. A Bohol tour comprises of a trip to  the Chocolate Hills, having pictures with my long lost brother, the “tarsier,” the smallest nocturnal animal in the whole world, having lunch in the Loboc river while being serenaded by Yoyoy Villame songs of  the Boholanos that just love to sing.

(Fyi, I’m half Boholano. Lolo Luis was mayor of Clarin for 20 years. Pero pobreng Mayor kasi hindi marunong kumurakot pamilya namin. Okay lang, at least may dangal. Kaya ang ending naming mga apo: ASPU—anak sang pobreng uten!).  Soledad business suites are only 2,000 pesos per night.

All three hotels—Casa Filomena, Pamilakan Island House, and Soledad Suites—are owned by Bohol’s most single and available debonair,  Jun Lim.

For  reservations in any of these hotels you may call  (+6338) 4113074 or  (+6338) 5017421 or email soledadsuites@mozcom.com  for your inquiries and reservations. Hindi po iyan ang number ni Jun Lim sa mga ambisyosang gusto makapag-asawa ng mayaman. Hahaha!

CEBU. Everybody thinks that a hotel fronting the white Mactan beach is always expensive. To my surprise, Mactan Micrtotel Suites only charges 2,900 pesos a night. The Mactan Microtel is the only boutique hotel in Cebu, and is found in the row of Abaca Hotel, Hilton, and Shangri-La Mactan.

Its lobby and floor furnishings are designed by Kevin Cobonpue and other popular furniture designers in Cebu.

It has a beautiful  seaview from your hotel window and a large pool where your kids can play. But the best part for me are the white sands and beach area, with matching jetskis. Yahoo! Play all day!

For bookings call 63-32-2368888 (Cebu) or 632-671-7171 (Manila)/Mobile number 0917888-1800/email: mactan@microtelphilippines.com

BORACAY. Station 1 hotels always look grand and imposing and definitely expensive, like the Discovery Hotel and Fridays. But our family have always loved their neighboring hotel—White House. Owned by the most amiable man is the world, Lenard Tirol, White House has always been the “celebrity’s favorite.”

Two years ago, I bonded with Maja Salvador and Brazilian Mariana del Rio because we were all staying in White House. I recall one summer that was so celebrity packed—Janno Gibbs, Bing Loyzaga, Mylene Dizon, Bianca Gonzalez, and Alyssa Alano. Rooms are not that expensive—only 5,500 per night and can accommodate 6-10 persons!

You can go to their website: http://www.whitehouseboracay.com , or call  their Manila office at 632-6312049.

Kahit three days lang kami nina Sam Milby, Randy Santiago, Jay-R Siaboc at Liezl Garcia sa Japan ay sobra kaming nag-enjoy (CLICK HERE to read previous entry, “Turning Japanese Part 1″).

Kakaiba kasi ang kultura ng Japan. Pati ang konbensyonal na hitsura ng Haponesa ay nag-evolve na rin kasama ng pagbabago ng kanilang kultura. Naglipana kahit saan ka tumingin sa Japan ang mga Haponesa na kulay  mais ang buhok. Para silang naligo sa agua oxigenada . Ang blonde hairstyle nila ay kulot-kulot at naka-fake eyelashes sila nang bonggang-bongga (pagkahaba-haba at pagkakapal-kapal) .

Others go to the extent of wearing ruffled dresses, knee socks and hats…at 40 years old! At first, I thought that they were Barbie doll wannabes.

But Beauty and Brains Jen Mariano told me about the emerging “Lolita culture” in Japan.

“They are not Barbie doll wannabes, Giselle. They Are Lolitas, “ says  Jen, who by the way is an avid fan of my blog.  (So, alam na ninyo ang mga profiles ng nagbabasa ng blog ko, hehehe).

And so I initiated my own research. The word Lolita was taken in  reference to Vladimir Nabokov’s famous novel Lolita. It is a fashion subculture in Japan that is primarily influenced by Victorian clothing as well as costumes from the Rococo period (combination of the French Rocaille period and Italian Baroque period).

Since Victorian dolls mimic the French children, Japanse women age 14-40 have dyed their hair blond, curled their beautiful straight hair and donned fake eyelashes to the longest level so that they are able to imitate these Victorian and Rococo dolls. Harajuku street in Tokyo is known to be the Fashion street. There, you will see a lot of Lolitas—from the gothic Lolita to the sweet Lolitas, joined by the punk Lolitas and the Classic Lolitas.

The Punk Lolita and Lolitas in Pink.

Classic Lolita and Cosplay (short term for Costume Play).

Lolita in Black and the Sailor.

After our concert  for the ofws in Japan, hindi na sumama sina Sam Milby, Jay-R Siaboc at Randy Santiago sa gimik namin ni Liezl Garcia. Nagpa-picture kami ni Liezl  sa isang sangkaterbang Lolitas (lahat talaga sa Japan, ganito na mukha). I kinda blended in due to my Asian looks. Obviously, you know who stood out.

I think the reason why I blend in with these Japs was because I used to look like a Lolita before. Since my hair is naturally curly, I dyed it dark blonde and I used to love wearing fake eyelashes.

But that was so last season for me. Now my new look is the simple Asian. Less make-up, less hair fuss.

PANIC BUYING IN JAPAN. We arrived in Japan before the Ondoy slaught on the eve of September 21. Our concert was on September 22 and we were to leave dawn of September 23. You could just imagine the small window we had to shop. And I was in Japan!!!

Ang hirap talaga kapag nabibigyan ang babae ng maikling oras mag-shopping. Akala mo katapusan na ng mundo. Binigyan ako ng asscociate producer namin ng ten minutes bumili sa make-up store sa tabi ng hotel namin bago kami dumiretso sa concert hall kung saan kami magpapaligaya ng Pilipino.

Sa sobrang panic ko, masyado yatang madami ang nabili ko. Kasi feeling ko matagal-tagal bago uli ako makabalik ng Japan, e, dun ko lang nabibili yung make-up ko na nagpapa-flawless sa akin kaya inubos ko yung store. And then I realized  that make-up has an expiration.

Tyra Banks says six months—NOT!  O.A. Hindi totoo yun. But I noticed that when I start using make-up that is three years old (hoarder ako di ba?) Nagkaka-pimples na ako. So my take for my Japanese concealers and foundation powder—three years before they reach their expiration date.

The problem is I bought make-up that will last me five freakin years! So if you’re interested to buy some of my make-up and look flawless, pinkish and young like me (FYI, I’m 37), call my assistant Mel: 09063428535.

Btw, she will only take calls, no text messages—suplada itich! Mahal daw ang load, e, wala naman kaming kikitain. Gusto ko lang mag-unload  ng make-up para sa save-my-family fund. (Again, check my Ondoy blog so you know what I mean with save-my-family fund, CLICK HERE.)

Speaking of the save-my-family fund, I’m selling my “used once” Louis Vuitton bag (see picture).

Damier Canvass LV, 12 in. by 6 in. I bought it at 69,000 pesos noong nasa Champs Elysee pa yung Louis Vuitton, used it going home from the airport to avail of my global tax refund kaya pumapatak na 65k na lang siya with the global tax refund. Then I never got to use it anymore. I’ll sell it for 50k. Interested parties may call my assistant Mel : 09063428535. Btw, she will only take calls, alam niyo na bakit.  Hahaha! Gawin bang e-bay ang blog ko sa PEP? Sorry, it’s for my mom, dad, and brothers’ family  na nasalanta ng bagyong Ondoy. Ganyan magmahal ang Gspot.

This happened four days before the onslaught of Ondoy, which did not spare even my family. (CLICK HERE to read my previous blog entry.)

SAM MILBY

Nag-volt in ang mga forces ng TFC Japan at KDDI to produce a grand concert for the Filipino OFWs sa Tsuramai Hall, Nagoya, Japan. Kasama kong nag-show ay si Randy Santiago, ang PDA scholars na sina Liezel Garcia and JR Siaboc at ang  ang Rockoustic Hearthrob na si Sam Milby. Si Sam ang endorser ng KDDI, isang call card ng Japan.

Pagdating namin sa Japan ay dinala kami sa Kappa Sushi (the Japanese sign beside us) ng Philippine Society of Nagoya led by Miss Susan (pronounced as Sue-sn). Kakatuwa ang bababeng ito, binati ko yung suot niyang yellow na mini-skirt ‘tapos binigay sa akin agad-agad nang hindi pa nalalabhan. Sana binati ko rin yung Louis Vuitton bag niya. Kahit di niya labhan yun ok lang.

High-tech itong restaurant na ito kasi tuluy-tuloy ang pag-ikot ng Sushi sa mala-conveyor belt (mala-Airport pero hindi luggage ang laman kundi, sushi!) Kaya get ka lang ng get. Bibilangin na lang plato mo after.

Bonggang-bongga kumain itong si Sam Milby. Parang wala nang bukas. Alam kong siya lang kumain nito dahil naka-diet ang kanyang manager na si Eric Raymundo at dalawang plato lang ang kinain. Di ko alam kung paano nakahanap ng oras si Sam kumain sa dami ng nagpa-picture sa kanyang Pilipino habang kumakain. Ewan ko ba bakit ang hilig-hilig magpa-picture ng tao habang kumakain kaming mga artista. And ending tuloy, di kami naka-smile kasi may laman yung bibig namin o di kaya may tinga kami sa ngipin.

Ahahahay!  Pero okay lang, basta masaya sila. Huwag lang nila ipo-post sa  myface…book (ngek pinagsama ko yung my space at facebook). Di ko yata feel na i-post ang mga pictures naming may tinga!

Happing-happy naman ang mga Pinoy sa Japan kasi performance level to the max kami. E, paano ba naman, yung title ng show ay 2D Next Level, kaya naman 2D Next level din kami lahat humataw.

After the show, niyaya kami ng TFC managing director na si Enrique Olives (to the right of Sam) at ang kanyang fiancee na si Jen Mariano (to my left) na lumabas. Sabi ko kay Sam, “Tara Sam, let’s go clubbing in I.D. Bar here in Nagoya. Balita ko, maraming magagandang Brapanese (Brazilian-Japanese) dun.”

Sagot niya, “I think I’ll pass. I’m not too excited about meeting Brapanese girls. I have someone special in my life right now. “

Hmmmm…Sino kaya yun? Si Anne Curtis kaya uli? Di ko na tinanong kasi ma-te-tempt lang ako isulat sa blog. Baka gusto niya ng privacy. Basta may someone special siya. Puwede mama niya o di kaya best friend niya. Basta special. Sa bibingkahan pa namin dun sa may simbahan, basta ‘pag special—may itlog!

RANDY SANTIAGO

Ito ‘atang si Kuya Randy ang grand slam winner sa TFC shows. Nang magkita kami sa airport, amoy Germany pa siya. (Ano ang amoy Germany? Hmmmm…amoy BMW?) He was there for ten days to do seven shows, then he joined us in Japan.

Kung maka-raket itong si Kuya Randy, akala mo walang ka-pera-pera. Dami naman niyang Ratsky Bar at businesses. At ang energy level ha, parang  forever 21! Di bumabagsak despite seven shows, a long-haul flight and four makukulit artists—Jay-R Siaboc, Liezel , Sam, and the most makulit…me!

LIEZEL GARCIA

OFW pala si Liezel Garcia sa Dubai nang  ma-discover siya  sa audition ng PDA (Pinoy Dream Academy) sa Dubai. To my surprise, Liezel does not have Black-American blood although she sings like one. Gayang-gaya niya si Rihanna sa boses.

Another surprising fact that I found out is that at 24 years old, Liezel is still a virgin. Kakatuwa, di ba. Nowadays, you can count in your fingers the women that value their chastity and are willing to wait till marriage. Iba na kasi ang generation ngayon.

When my sister turned 18, I gave her a talk about the birds and the bees. Then I gave her a talk on abstinence and the perils of teenage pregnancy. She stopped me mid-way, “Ate, hindi ako mabubuntis, tomboy ako.”  Oo nga pala, di pala nakaka-buntis ang finger. Hahaha! Pero ngayon, nasa confused stage siya, di alam kung gusto ba niya ang daliri o t*t*.  Ewan ko ba!

JAY-R SIABOC

Bisayang Bugoy itong si Jay-R. I told him that he reminds me of a rough  Jomari Yllana. Ang sagot sa akin, “Puwede kaya ako kay Aiko?”  Kulit. Gagawa daw siya ng Bisayang kanta, ang title:  Ginhigugma ko si Roger Ger-bo! Kulit. Laging iniiwan yung susi sa labas ng kuwarto niya. Pag pinagsasabihan ko siyang ipasok yung susi niya, sinasabi niya sa akin, “Sinasadya ko talaga ‘yan Ate Giselle. Para pasukin ako ng magandang Haponesa! “ Kulit.

(JAPAN ADVENTURES TO BE CONTINUED)

I am usually active during tragedies that hit the Philippines, organizing fund drives, donating relief goods, always the volunteer to the victim until now…

ONDOY DEVASTATED OUR FAMILY HOME. Just to lighten up this blog which is always my signature, let’s create a parody over my tragedy: Welcome to the Internet Home Shopping Network!

Today we feature the Sanchez Family home in Riverside Village which was vastly devastated by typhoon Ondoy (Ketsana). Let’s start with the dining room overlooking the sala and lanai—

Fresh with mud and oil spill from nearby factories, the Sanchez kitchen/dining room is filled with microwave & toaster ovens, glasses, smashed chairs one on top of the other.
Searching for the brand new refrigerator? It floated away and some lucky neighbor got it for free! My dad and I invested about P500,000 for the appliances and the grand dining set. Because of Ondoy, we are slashing 99.9% of the current price leaving you with P500.00!

But wait! If you call in the next 15 minutes, we will slash 50% off the price, making the dining package P250!

But wait! If you call now, we will slash the head of that opportunistic neighbor who stole our ref!

Next in line is the grand living room filled with my father’s favorite encyclopedias that he reads every night. Now all he can read are muddy pages.

Together with our  beautiful breakfast lanai

overlooking our picturesque garden

We will give you one price for three! Only P99 pesos! Yes P99 for three! What a value!

Moving on to my mother’s bedroom showcase. Bonggang-bongga talaga—ang putik at pagkawasak!

With cabinets floating from left to right, my parents were in the U.S. when the typhoon happened. I made an overseas call asking her where she placed her prized jewelry so I could get it before the looters do. I didn’t tell her the extent of the damage. Akala lang niya binaha ‘yung bahay hanggang tuhod. She said, “Iniwan ko ‘yung regalo mong alahas sa akin sa taas ng TV.”—Ang ganda! Kung ‘yung ref nga lumutang sa kabilang village, alahas pa!

Due to the missing jewelry, mom’s room is not for sale. So, yung bibili ng dining, living at lanai, baka magulat kayo kasi nandoon pa rin ang mga magulang ko sa bedroom hinahanap ‘yung alahas! (Teka, baka akala niyo seryoso ako sa pagbenta ng bahay ng magulang ko—nagpapatawa lang ako para mawala ang matinding stress ko).

ONDOY TRAPPED MY FAMILY. Tulala! “Yan ang unang reaksiyon ko nang makita ko ang bahay na pinag-ipinunan namin ng tatay ko. But I was still thankful because the Lord spared my family. The latest NDCC death toll due to typhoon Ondoy was 277 (does not include the San Mateo prisoners who died in the flooding, along with hundreds of families residing in every creek and river in Metro Manila).

In the New Manila Creek alone, my handyman Bisoy was crying because he was only able to save 30 children who almost drowned. He saw more than 50 children floating in the rush of the river current, screaming for help.

Outside our home in New Manila,  rescuers were in boats carrying dead bodies of flood victims. We could hear the wailing of family members who lost their loved ones.  My neighbor Jelyn almost died due to the raging currents inside the village as she tried to get milk for her baby. My brother’s family who stayed with my parents were forced to run across the street and begged our other neighbor if they could stay with them on the second floor of their apartment.

Our bungalow house was submerged under water. Our neighbor’s apartment was built for two people. Because the waters rose from two feet to seven in a matter of 10 minutes, the apartment built for two became an apartment for 22.

My sister-in-law literally saw the water rolling like a giant bowling ball about seven feet in diameter towards the house. The floodways couldn’t hold Ondoy’s rainfall, so three floodways were opened all at the same time without any public warning.

Cramped like 22 sardines in a can for three days without food, my brothers Mike and Richard were forced to dive for floating hotdogs, fish and other food items they could wash well and cook. They boiled running water from the faucets. But the cramped atmosphere was not healthy for the children who had no milk to drink, so by the time I was able to place them in my home here in New Manila, the children all had high fever.

HOW FACEBOOK SAVED MY FAMILY. My brother is married to Ruth Lansigan, sister of Perry Lansigan, Dingdong Dantes’ manager. In spite of all our government connections (Perry’s and mine), we could not save our loved ones for three days. Helicopters could not go down because there was no place to land due to the vast waters. Riverboats could not enter due to the strong currents resembling raging rivers near a massive waterfall. This is what happens when floodways are opened all at the same time.

All Perry and I could do was to text and call our friends from the government and shout out in Facebook, asking help from our FB friends. I was driving mad with worry because the cell phone lines went dead and I did not know the status of my family. FB fans and friends from all over the world were texting and calling NDCC and Red Cross hotlines on my behalf.

One Facebook friend, Cocoy Puyat, took notice of my shout-out. He was my college crush from the U.P. Upsilon Fraternity (of all people, di ba!). He texted me that they were conducting a rescue operation for all the children in Riverside Village.

Cocoy remembered that my family lived there. Back in 1992, Cocoy brought me to my home in Riverside Village from a college party. It rained so hard on the way home, it flooded and  we were stuck in the car for six hours. Nothing happened coz he was a gentleman (sayang—ano ba ‘yan lumabas na naman ang pagka-pokpok ko!).

Because of that six-hour bonding, I got close to him and his brothers Noel and Goo. Cocoy told me to text Noel, who agreed to save my family. They were screaming at 1:00 a.m. in the pitch-dark village, “Sanchez! Kapatid ni Giselle Sanchez.”

They were able to find the small apartment where my family was staying. Noel spoke to my brothers who decided to stay and just ask for food and water. The current was so strong they were afraid to risk the lives of the children. Noel called me at 4:00 a.m to tell me the good news that my family was safe, giving me peace of mind after three days of worry.

Mabuhay ang UPSILON BOYS—Goo, Cocoy and Noel Puyat, Nino Villongco, McKoi Pernia, Babes Calixto and Dennis Lucindo. Special thanks to Roman Romulo who lent the boat.

Marami ang nag-aakalang ang Upsilon ay isang frat na puro mga guwapo’t mayayaman na walang ginawa kundi pumorma.  Di alam ng marami na sila ang laging nauuna sa mga relief and rescue operations. Na kahit na pogi sila, lalakarin  nila and sampung kilometro ng baha makaligtas lamang ng mga bata at mga biktima ng sakuna.

Kahit noong college kami, napakaraming proyekto ang Upsilon para makatulong sa mga mahihirap na baranggays at mga biktima ng sakuna at delubyo.  Gusto ko rin magpasalamat sa efforts nila Neil Gonzalez—staff of Senator Enrile, Mar Roxas, Office of Senator Villar, Col. Dozado, Gen. Vic Librado, Coastguard Lenard Tirol of Boracay and Paul Aquino, uncle of Noynoy Aquino. Sila ang mga sumagot sa text messages ko na humihingi ng tulong. Thank you for all your efforts.

Ngayong hirap kaming ibalik ang bahay sa dati, natutuwa naman ako na may totoo akong mga kaibigan na tumutulong sa aking mga magulang, tulad ni Imee Marcos (take note, di siya tatakbo pero over sa pagtulong—what a great and sincere heart she has), Small and Philip Laude at Alice Eduardo.

In these times will you realize your real friends. In these times will you realize that “God giveth and God taketh away.” (Book of Job, The Holy Bible). But the Bible also tells us, “ I know that you can do everything.”  (Job 42;2) This means that even in senseless tragedies, God is still greater than our greatest problem. And He will not give us tribulation that we cannot overcome in the end. Though the path may be muddy and full of silt…may tubig namang panghugas…

ONDOY OPENED FILIPINOS’ GIVING HEARTS. Calling all concerned PEPsters. So many of our brothers and sisters are still suffering from the Ondoy tragedy. Many are left homeless in evacuation centers with poor living conditions, needing water, blankets and diapers and milk.

PEPsters abroad can do their part by donating online (CLICK HERE). Beware of fake bank accounts. That site contains all legitimate institutions like Red Cross, ABS-CBN and Kapuso Foundation, and Globe and Smart para sa money donations.

For PEPsters in Metro Manila who want to drop off relief goods and water, here’s a map of all the drop-off points (CLICK HERE). You may also donate in your nearest parish or donate in parishes in Laguna. Sixteen towns and two cities in Laguna are still under water.

Para sa akong mga kababayan didto sa Cebu na ganahan mag-donate. CLICK LANG DIRI.

Let us all do our part in helping our needy brothers and sisters, whether we are the volunteer or the victim…

My Louis Vuitton blog entry has virally spread over the internet. Thank you, bloggers, for spreading it like fire. Hopefully this one does too:

I just watched Bruno, the funniest movie in my life written and starred by comic genius Sacha Baron Cohen, creator of Borat.

After being the  7,148,170th viewer of this trailer, I knew I was going to laugh sooo hard that I brought my entire gang of amorous laughers (that will be my brothers and sister-in-law who are not ashamed to laugh out loud) and chose a relatively new mall (the new Eastwood mall) so that we could laugh to our heart’s content.

I was so afraid that my “Power Plant movie experience” was going to have a sequel because I was discriminated by the elitist moviegoers in Rockwell for laughing so loud. You see, it’s very difficult to live in the Philippines when you don’t go with the norm. You will be looked down and be ostracized. In short, if you don’t go with the norm, you will be a victim of  discrimination.

You have to follow certain rules like: In an elitist atmosphere, BAWAL ANG MALAKAS TUMAWA. HINDI KA SOSYAL KUNG MALAKAS KA TUMAWA. MAY MASAMANG MANGYAYARI SA IYO KUNG MALAKAS KANG TUMAWA.

Matthew Estabillo, a “YS” writer for Philippine Star would agree with me because he wrote a  similar experience while watching the same film I watched two weeks ago in Power Plant mall.

Two weeks ago, I watched a very funny flick Hangover in the said mall’s cinema. It was very appalling because the movie was full of people watching yet I was the only one laughing so hard. The movie contained so may punchlines, I was laughing almost every five seconds.

Komedyante ako, e, masaya akong tao. Mababaw ang kaligayahan ko. The bad thing was that when the lights opened, everyone was looking at me like I was some kind of freak who was bothering their “serious viewing” of the film.

I looked back at everyone and said, “What? It’s a comedy. You’re supposed to laugh!”

What was worse was the Caucasian guy behind me kicked my chair three times every time I would laugh so hard. This pissed me off. To kick me once could be an accident. Caucasian men do have long legs, he was probably stretching. The second time was a harder kick but I thought, maybe he was just irritated with my loud laugh. But on the third time, he made me get up from my seat, turn to him, and point directly at his face.

I said: “Please stop kicking my chair. You did it thrice already. I’m warning you!”

He stared back. The “Burgos chic” wrapped around him like an accessory stared at me as well. (Burgos chics are dark, exotic Filipinas picked up by foreigners on Burgos Street near the Power Plant mall).

My 5’9″ tall husband aided me and joined the staring game, so did his six foot tall brother and my sister in law. Caucasian guy and Burgos chic were outnumbered. Add the fact that he’s in the Philippines!  Ipa-deport ko kaya siya?

This was not the first time I stood up and defended myself from Caucasians who think that they are above you just because you’re Asian.

My husband Emil, Tifanny (a friend), and I were leaving from our holiday in Malaga. We were in line to board  the plane to Guangzhou, China,  when suddenly an elderly posh French couple, who were both wearing white with matching hats, cut the line. Being schooled in U.P. (University of Pila), I usually don’t have the patience for people cutting lines and tell them to fall in line. But I was also brought up to respect elders. So, I gave the French seniors the benefit of cutting the line even if Mrs. Sosyal looked at me condescendingly from head to foot before rudely cutting in.

I could read her thought bubble, “I’m French, youre Asian. I can cut your line.” If she could only  read my thought bubble, “Kung di ka lang matanda, di kita pasisingitin.”

To my amusement, she was in economy just like us and was seated directly behind me. Akala ko pa naman sa First class siya kung makabihis at makatingin sa akin, pweh. I was into deep sleep when the attendants began serving meals. Mrs. Sosyal probably wanted me to pull up my seat because her meal was being served, but being a  bigot, Mrs. Sosyal slammed the back of my seat instead of asking me nicely.

She slammed it so hard I thought our plane crashed and I stood up from my deep slumber shouting, “Haaa!” Then I realized that the plane didn’t crash.

It was Mrs. Sosyal who crashed after my speech. I turned my back and pointed my finger in her face. “You! Apologize to me now or have your guts stabbed when you’re out in the streets of China. You don’t know who my parents are. Apologize!”

The husband and wife started to panic and started talking in French in a very apologetic way. Hanggang French 100 lang ako sa U.P. at sampung taon na ang nakaraan kaya di umubra. “In English! Aplogize in English!” I shouted. By this time, two flight attendants were already trying to calm me down. I didn’t stop until they said the word “sorry.” Wala ako pakialam kahit mag-desolee (sorry in French) sila ng 100 times! When I sat down, I thanked my husband for not stopping me.

Emil:  “Okay sa script, ha, ano dating mo, anak ng Chinese mafia?”

Giselle: “Mukha naman ako Chinese, di ba? Malay ba nilang Pinoy ako. Para matakot ‘yang mga lecheng ‘yan paglabas ng Guanzhou airport. Tignan mo ngayon, sorry sila ng sorry. Natakot masaksak. Akala talaga nila Chinese mobster magulang ko. Kung alam lang nila na Bisaya magulang ko at anak lang ako ng pobreng ut*n. Hahaha!”

Tifanny: “Bilib talaga ako sa ‘yo, girl. Hindi ko magagawa ‘yan. Kung sa akin nangyari ‘yan, mananahimik na lang ako.”

I told Tifanny what Korean-American Margaret Cho said in her stand-up comedy DVD Notorious:

“If you are a woman, a person of color, if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, if you’re a person of size, a person of intelligence, a person of integrity, then you are considered a minority in this world……When you don’t have self esteem, you will hesitate to do anything in your life. You will hesitate to ask for a raise, you will hesitate to report a rape, you will hesitate to defend yourself when you are discriminated against…For us, self-esteem is truly an act of revolution, and our revolution is long overdue. I urge you all today to be yourselves without reservation and to love each other without restraint. Unless you’re into leather….”

I was lucky to be brought up by parents who raised my self-esteem to the highest level despite the fact that we were poor. So parents, I urge you, love your children, never put them down, always praise and build their confidence. So that when your children go out in the real world, they can defend themselves from being ostracized. Because no matter how rich you are or how powerful you are, you have no right to belittle anyone.

Two months after birth, I’m  back to work with a bang, starting with a show in San Francisco. Kasama ko mag-show para sa mga kababayan nating Pilipino si Jayson Gainza, na dating housemate ng Pinoy Big Brother at mainstay ng Banana Split.

Excited na excited siya dahil ito ang first time niyang makarating sa America. Ginawa ni Jayson ang kanyang “Boy Abunda” impersonation na ikinatuwa ng mga kababayan nating Pilipino. Sabi niya sa akin, “Laking pasasalamat ko kay Tito Boy Abunda dahil kung hindi sa kanya, di ako makakarating ng America.”

Hindi manager ni Jayson si Tito Boy pero dahil sa pag-iimpersonate niya sa naturang talk show host ay nagka-raket si Jayson sa iba’t ibang mga kompanya at nakarating sa wakas sa America.

Jayson Gainza is a very good artist. When the writers of Banana Split decided to spoof SNN, they got Angelica Panganiban to spoof Kris Aquino and Jayson to spoof Boy Abunda. As a zealous actor, enthusiastic and hardworking Jayson started visiting the set of SNN and The Buzz where Boy Abunda was a host. When the writers saw that he finally perfected the signature “laugh” and voice of Tito Boy, that’s when they launched “NNN” in Banana Split. Jayson became an instant hit. Even Kapuso Marvin Agustin, whom we saw in the Mabuhay Airport lounge, admitted that Jayson’s talent makes him laugh.

Jayson in real life is naturally funny without even trying. He’s quiet at first trying to observe you. Then when he feels comfortable with you, he’ll start throwing you punchlines left and right. Born and raised in Batangas, happily married with four kids, Jayson is simple and unassuming, and does not try to be a person that he is not.

Here are some of his classic lines that I’ll never forget because I almost farted laughing (actually, I did)!

Day 1

We arrived in SFO, and the Immigration officer finally finished interviewing me. Jayson was done with his interview, and dying to get out of the airport, so he told me in front of the U.S. immigration officer, who happens to be Filipino and watches TFC:

Jayson: Tapos ka na?

Giselle: Korek

Jayson: Wacha wating por? Kimon!  (What are you waiting for? C’mon!)

Immigration Officer Simoy to Jayson: Careful man, you might get a nosebleed!

Giselle: hahahaha!

Day 2

Sa show namin sa Buena Yerba Gardens, kasama si Patricia Javier na nakatira na sa San Diego California at happily married sa isang Kano.

Jayson: Ate Giselle (Di ko talaga alam bakit ako tinatawag na ate nito), ipakilala mo naman ako kay Patricia.

Giselle: Bakit crush mo?

Jayson: Dahil sa kanya tumangkad ako.

Giselle: (I didn’t get his joke) Ha?

Jayson: Habang nanunuod ako ng mga pelikula niya noong teenager ako. Alam mo na, may ginagawa ako na nakakatangkad/.

Giselle: Hahahaha! Yuck!

Day 2, after the show

Jayson met my Cousin Aldo, who was born and raised in the States. My tita was a busy nurse so she was never able to teach him to speak nor understand Tagalog. Tsk, tsk, tsk. While they were talking, Jayson forgot that Aldo could not understand Tagalog.

Jayson: Aldo, ano ba masarap na orderin dito?

Aldo:  Sorry man, could you translate that in English?

Jayson: (Opens his mouth, pauses, then says to Aldo) I’ll just email you, man.

Giselle: Hahaha!

Day 3: Picture taking and shopping day. Nagpunta kami sa Golden Gate Bridge para magpa-picture. Sa sobrang fog, di talaga makita ang Golden Gate sa bridge kaya sa lecheng signage na lang kami nagpa-picture. T*e.

After picture taking, we were informed that we were going to Costco for wholesale shopping. Perfect coz I needed to buy Kirkland Vitamins. Coming from the Golden Gate Bridge, Costco was a good thirty-minute drive. Halfway though our trip, Jayson received a call from a Batangueño relative based in Daly City.

Nanay: Oy Jayson, asan ka na?

Jayson: Nanay, ala-eh malapit na kami dito sa pag-sho-shopping-ngan namin.

Nanay: Ala-eh, san ba  yan?

Jayson: Sa  Mosco. Parang wala tayo sa America Nanay noh? Mosco!

Giselle: Jayson, hindi Mosco, Costco ( I pronounced it Cos-Cow).

Jayson: Ay hindi pala Mosco, Moscow!

Giselle: Hahahaha!

Mabuhay ka, Jayson. Sana lalo pang gumanda ang namamayagpag mong career, at sana maikot mo ang buong mundo sa kaka-impersonate kay Boy Abunda. Sana kasama mo rin ako sa pag-ikot ng mundo at pagpapaligaya sa mga Pilipino dahil  bumabata ako sa kakatawa ‘pag kasama ka.

It’s been a month after I gave birth, and finally, I can take a bath. YEHEY!

Yup that’s my reaction.

Hulaan ko reaction ninyo: “What???” “Gross!” “Yuck!” “Ewww” “Weirdo” “What the F?!!” “OMG!”

And I totally understand you because those were my reactions when my Chinese mommy friends were teaching me the post-partum care of almost every Chinese wife, who are willing to undergo the Ge-lai.

Ge-lai, is a post-partum care that has been practiced for centuries in China and up to now by the traditional Chinese. And why? There are many advantages. I have an 80-year-old Chinese lady friend who has had six children, but she looks like she is 50 years old and as strong as a 40-year- old lady. Mrs. Dy has no veins in her hands, no wrinkles, never had cosmetic surgery nor botox. Take note, she is 80 years old. She told me her secret was her practices after giving birth: Ge-lai. Let me go over some of them for our future mothers who wish to reap the benefits. No joke po ito, seryoso ako.

1.    No bath for a month! “Punas-punas” ng mainit na tubig lang.
The Chinese believe that when you give birth, all your pores open up because of the extreme pressure and exhaustion. Para ka raw tumakbo sa U.P. Oval track ng 100 times. You also accumulate a lot of “cold” in your body such that bathing brings in more “cold” even if you take a bath with warm water, especially your head. Dry shampoo is an alternative. Pero nakaka-balakubak daw ito kaya di na ako nag-dare. Nasa loob naman ako ng aircon na kuwarto (dahil bawal din ang electric fan kasi mapasukan ka ng hangin sa katawan at sa ulo) kaya di naman ako napapawisan o nadudumihan.

(Iinit pati ang ulo mo sa kakaisip kung gaano kalaki ang Meralco bill mo after one month dahil naka-aircon ka day and night nang walang patid! Haaaay!)

Siyempre, hindi rin ako nakatiis, kinailangan kong i-wash ang delicate areas every day at punas-punas sa kili-kili. Hello! Kung di ko naman gagawin iyon, e, mag-aamoy Payatas na ang kuwarto ko ano! –

Haay nako, T.M.I.—Too much information!

Pagkatapos nitong isang buwang kabahuan, papaliguan ka ng isang  ge-lai expert with matching boiled leaves ng guava,sambo, at kung  anu-ano pang dahon galing sa botanical Garden Institute of albularyorism (hehe, pang-asar).

‘Tapos hihilutin ka para bumalik ang  matres (uterus) mo sa dating lugar. Bago ka paliguan, siyam na  araw (nine days) kang hihilutin. After nine days of this hilot massage, you will be rewarded with a bathing pass and then have your final hilot massage after giving THE bath.

I kinda needed that final hilot massage because I was shaking after my first bath in one month. It was like my body was not used to water anymore, and in spite of bathing in warm water, I was shaking after. After the hilot massage, I felt better. So much better actually because I FINALLY TOOK A BATH AFTER ONE MONTH!

But I guess skipping bathes may prove to be quite healthy. Take for example, Jaya’s mother Elizabeth Ramsey. I once asked her what the secret of her health was, why she was so strong and can bring the house down in her shows in spite of her age.

She answered me, “Ah, kasi Inday, hindi ako naliligo. Minsan-minsan lang kapag may show ako.  Pero kung dito lang ako sa bahay, di na ako naliligo, masama kasi kapag lagi kang mag-basa-basa. Hindi maganda yun, Inday.”

Inisip ko, baka pinag-tri-tripan lang kami ni Mama Beth Ramsey. Baka pagtalakod namin, tumatawa na siya at sinasabing, “Mga lokong bata, naniwala sa komedyante!”

Just to make sure I heard it right and that she was not joking, when I saw her again in the studio, I asked her the same question and she replied with the same answer.

Hmmm, I guess she does make sense. I am 100 percent sure I acquired veins in my hands and feet from taking a bath after rigorously after playing the whole day outside our house, or washing my hands after writing 50 pages.

And back then, mahirap lang kami kaya wala pang instant hot water sa faucet. Kahit nga Bhagwan, na binebenta ng mga 5-6 na naka-turban na nagpapautang sa amin, wala pa noon. We would bathe in cold water day and night kahit pagod. Bad, bad, bad. Kaya nga kapag pagod, bawal maligo, di ba? I wonder if Jaya followed her mother’s advice and did not take a bath for a month after giving birth.

Advantages of the one-month bath abstinence: faster recovery, better resistance to sickness like colds, fever, “binat”, and more time for your baby and to breastfeed. Marami sa  mga kaibigan kong Chinese ang di  sumunod sa practice na ito at nagsisisi dahil lamigin na raw sila ngayon, sakitin at laging nanghihina, di tulad ng dati.

Abstaining from taking a bath also abstains you from going out, which gives you a mandatory one-month rest, which you badly need after giving birth. Sino nga naman ang gusto maglakwatsa nang di naliligo!

Disadvantage: the icky-yucky feeling of knowing you have not taken a bath in weeks; the icky-yucky feeling of your visitors knowing that you didn’t take a bath; the oily grease build-up on your hair when you comb it. Ewwww!

Anyway, it was worth it. I’m as strong as carabao now, and I’m back in the gym and soon, back to work! (Read more… )