Candidly

Love and hate

Filed under: Features — admin at 12:33 pm on Wednesday, January 20, 2010

There’s a very thin line between love and hate.

I usually get reminded by my mom that every time a loved one has wronged me, I should not take things personally. Paano kaya yung hindi “personally”? E, ako nga ang tinira. Ako ang naagryabado. Sabi ng mommy ko, “Hate the sin but love the sinner.” I’m sure hirap din siya gawin yun. Talagang partners iyang extreme emotions na iyan.

Anyhow, I just love the Digibox of SKYCable. I am no endorser but it really made my life easier. It has a lot of features that makes my TV viewing time more enjoyable. It has this info feature about all the shows time of all the channels not only within the day but also for a week. Bongga, di ba?! This is really useful for busy people. It also has another channel where the current show description is shown. How saya, di ba? To top it all, meron po siyang child-lock feature, so kung meron kang Velvet channel at meron kang bagets, di sila magkakamaling mapanood ang shows with sexy undertones.

I hate it though na ang daming ino-offer itong SKY, puwede akong ma-enganyong maging sobrang relaxed, to be complacent, to be lazy. Sa sobrang daming puwedeng panoorin, nalilito na ako.

I had a meeting with my two managers, and I just love the idea that there are two of them. I love the idea! I hate the idea that neither one of them can do anything when networks postpone tapings indefinitely.

I love running in U.P. It gives me this feeling of calmness…and animosity. Parang wala lang. I hate the feeling na habang tumatakbo ako, lalo namang pinapaalala sa akin ng aking katawan na tumatanda ako at mas mabilis ako mapagod. Lalo na pag nakakasalubong ko yung mga balingkinitan na mga bagets. I hate the youths, they make me feel old. I love the youths because they remind me of my youth and infect me with their energy.

I love new experiences, they excite me. I hate it as well because a part of me is scared about change. I was a part of Sharon Cuneta’s birthday celebration and believe it or not, kasama ako sa production number ng mga singers. Huh? Bakit? Anong nangyari? Join talaga ako sa dressng room ng mga singers  (Ms. Pops Fernandez, Ms. Cherie Gil, Rica Peralejo, Ms. Zsa-Zsa Padilla, Rachelle Ann Go, and Karylle). Ang tahimik sa dressing room na ito. Ganun pala ang dressing room ng mga singers, parang elevator na bibihira ang nagsasalita, pag bumubukas lang ang pinto, dun merong ingay.

11.jpg

I hate na ang papayat ng mga kasama kong ito. Para akong suman sa outfit ko. Pero di ako makareklamo kasi kay bait nga ni Inay Bing at nadalhan niya ako ng outfit. I don’t hate na payat sila. I hate the fact that ang taba ko. This is my fattest ever in my whole life. I know that I have written about my weight before (CLICK HERE to read the entry).

2-5.jpg

Now, I am not just writing about it, I am declaring a war against my weight gain. Nakaka-depress pala pag ang lahat ng katabi mo ay payat at ikaw ay mataba.

I love the new magazine of Sharon entitled SHARON. There’s an article that she wrote about her weight. It was titled “Loving Me.” Oo nga naman, everything boils down to loving yourself and not being too harsh with yourself. I love the article.

I hate it when hindi kasya yung mga pants ko na dati ay isang suot, tapos na ang usapan. I love the times when I was enjoying my eating with friends and family.

I hate it when people always mention how fat I am now. Nasasagot ko talaga sila ng, “Alam niyo bang mas maraming mabigat na issue kesa sa fats ko? Alam niyo na ba kung sino ang iboboto niyong Presidente? Matindi ang Ampatuan massacre sa Maguindanao. Kamusta na ang ekonomiya ng Pilipinas?” Mas importante ba ang fats ko kesa sa mga issues na ito?

I love it though that there are people who are brutally honest with me. Kahit anong pangpapa-cute ang gawin ko. They tell me facts as they are. “Ang taba mo, pag sumubo ka pa ng kutsarang kanin may chance na pumutok ka.”

I hate it when people start talking about other people. You get involved with the conversation. You give a reaction. Pag nagkuwentuhan ulit, lagot, ikaw na ang pasimuno ng kuwentuhan, lagot!

(Pause…after two days)

I love the auto-recovery feature of computers. I had to leave this entry hanging because I had to attend to something else. I love the idea that even if I wasn’t able to properly save this document. I’d still find the document when I return. Here I am, finishing this entry here in the hospital.

I hate the long wait that patients have to endure before being admitted. Nakakaloka! Nandun na kami sa admission office ng St. Luke’s Hospital, hindi naman karamihan ang tao, putlang-putla na ang anak ko. Tapos na ang pag-fill up ko ng mahabang form…At lalong sumakit ang membrane ko nang tumayo ng mabagal na mabagal yung lalakeng nakaupo sa harap namin. Matagal din siyang naghintay at sumakay ng wheelchair pagkatapos siyang interbyuhin nang bonggang-bongga! Ganun yata talaga.

7.jpg

I love my son’s pediatrician. She is Dra. Minet Bautista and she makes our life easier.

I love nurses who made the choice to work here in our country. Thank God we still have nurses to aid and help the patients. Filipino nurses are good, clean, warm, and efficient.

I hate the idea that all these efficient nurses will eventually opt to leave the country because the pay abroad is better. Eventually, we are left with none.

I love my friends, who showed concern for my son’s condition. I love the fact that St. Luke’s has wifi. I love all my kasambahay who help me out, and I can truly say that they don’t do things just because they are being paid. They are more worried about Quentin, who has given them times of joy with his wittiness.

6.jpg

I hate na biglang nasira ang tubig sa buong pedia area. Lahat ng kasama ko, nakaligo na at noong ako na ang maliligo, wala ng tubig. Ang masaklap nito, nakahubad na ako sa loob ng banyo. Walang tubig! Bihis ako ulit kasi ang ginaw. Biglang may dumating na bisita. Ang bantot ko kaya.

I love the idea that when you are in the hospital, every thing seems forgivable. It’s okay not to serve good food to visitors. It’s okay not to be glamorous. It’s okay because there are far more important issues to focus on, and that’s health.

I love the fact that no amount of money can equal good health.

Ang dami kong love, ang dami ko ring hate. Pero na-realize ko, the things I love are the ones that cause my hate. Love and hate are really interconnected with each other. Too much of something may lead to destruction or hate.

Love, hate, love, hate… In the end, it’s not a story about hate. It’s stems from love. I am not talking about anything in specific.

Every thing usually starts with love. Sadly, sometimes, it ends with hate because we fail to love properly.

2010, make things happen!!!

Filed under: Features — admin at 4:44 pm on Tuesday, January 5, 2010

As I look back at 2009, I realized that so many things happened to me, and we’re talking about major things here. In fact, I’ll have to carry on some of them this year. The rest, I will have to start anew to prove something.

Recently, I don’t have much time alone. So hindi ko gaano nakakausap ang sarili ko nang masinsinan. Hindi pa naman ako sira-ulo. Or kung sira-ulo po ako, hindi ko alam.

Almost every day, there was an event. There were a lot of parties to attend, and that there was no room for silence.

Then all of a sudden, we all had to go back to work. Ah…e…sandali lang…Bakit parang pagod ang lahat ng tao na kagagaling lang sa bakasyon? Wala pa akong nakausap na hindi nagsabing “sarap ng pahinga ko.” I was also guilty of  getting so preoccupied with external affairs that I failed to simply sit down and ponder on my 2009.

New year, New Life, and New beginning awaits all of us in 2010. Aba, kailangan mapaghandaan man lang sana yung new year na iyan para di na maulit mga mali noong 2009.

(SILENCE)

I made a list of my YES and NO in 2009. The NO means mga nega and YES means the positive things that happened. Naks! Kay daming NO pala ang nangyari. Pero major naman ang changes ng YES sa buhay ko.

Example lang, The Baguio Incident (CLICK HERE to read related entry) was a NO talaga na major. The reconciliation and forgiveness from the people of Baguio was a YES. That was a major learning experience. During that storm I saw my friends, and appreciated their support. Most of all, I appreciated my mom, sister, and the councilor that stayed with me till the end.

Having Direk GB (CLICK HERE to read related entry) in my life had its YES and NO. NO because I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be in a relationship. My first wedding is not yet annulled in church, but I am fixing it now. YES because he became a major part of my life and also, my son’s.

1.jpg

Pag matagal ka na palang sanay na mag-isa, maninibago ka rin pag bigla ka ng may kasama. I got used to planning on my own. I’d usually forget to inform him of my plans. Medyo impulsive kasi akong tao. Pag gusto ko gawin ngayon, gagawin ko na agad. With GB around, di naman pala puwedeng ganun. Kasi na-stress-stress siya at nagugulat na lang siya sa mga spur of the moment decisions. Well, we are still trying to settle our differences.

Major YES ang mga outreaches for the Ondoy victims. Major NO naman yung nangbubulsa ng relief goods. Major YES sa akin ang election. Major NO naman yung pagtakbo ng ibang tao to another position so as to not lose power. Major YES sa akin ang pagka-win ni Manny. Major NO naman ang ibang affairs niya. Kristal Klear ba tayo dun?

Major NO ang pag-gain ko ng weight. Major NO ang pagkain nang todo. Major YES naman yung thought na meron akong pambili ng pagkain. Major YES din naman yung meron akong kasabay kumain. Taray! Major NO ang cancellation ng mga bookings sa work.

Major NO ang hindi pagtanggap ng certain projects. Major YES na reveal sa akin kung sino ang mga taong maasahan ko at hindi.

Major NO ang mga hindi natuloy na projects na naisip, naplano, na-excite na ako, pero puro drawing.

Major YES ang natutunan ko na if I want things to get done, then I only have myself and my God to rely on. Kasi pag inaasa sa iba, ang daming excuses.

Well, past is past. Lahat ng hindi nagawa last year ay sisiguraduhin kong magagawa ko this year. Aminin natin, marami tayong bagay na hinahayaan na lang natin. Then eventually parang luma na, di na pwedeng gawin. I don’t get things done as I used to because of too much internet, Koreanovelas, pa-cute with GB and so many more excuses. Ang daming excuse, basta hindi naggawa, it means unfinished business. I am done with having so many unfinished businesses in my hands.

This year, I will make every second of my life as productive as possible. I will respect time so that time will respect me back.

I may have said NO to a lot of opportunities and neglected openings for advancement because I was too preoccupied with useless anxieties. Hahahaha! I worry that I worry too much. Kaya I don’t want to worry anymore because it makes me worried. Worrying brings no solution but simply leads to more worries.

2.jpg

I constantly need to remind myself not to worry. Worrying leads to complacency.

Complacency leads to laziness. Nakakaloka, papunta na ako sa pagiging salot ng lipunan.

To everyone that has been a part of my 2009 thank you. To all those people I hurt or neglected, I am sorry. And to those who hurt me, spoke profane words against me, and judged me wrongly, I sincerely forgive you. Thanks for revealing your true self to me. Now, I know better.

3.jpg

2010 starts now, no more tomorrow. Ready or not, 2010, here I come! 2010, I will make things happen.

Make things happen for you as well. Balitaan na lang sa mga happennings, ha…