| Register
Candidly

May kasalanan ako…

Filed under: Features — admin at 4:00 pm on Saturday, October 31, 2009

Thursday, October 29 @ 8:06 am

Sad ako…Pasensya na. At ang matindi nito, kasalanan ko yung pagka-inis ko sa sarili ko. Time…

Today I have learned a very valuable lesson about being on time.

I was so excited since last week to go up to Baguio for an outreach program for the typhoon victims. I’ve been sending text messages to people asking their support until Ma’am Cory Vidanes, vice-president of ABS-CBN, generously replied saying Sagip Kapamilya is really planning to go up and distribute goods. We decided to consolidate our efforts.

Monday, October 26

Monchet advised me that Ma’am Cory is inviting me to take the trip to Baguio via plane para raw mas convenient kesa sa road trip. Boooy! I was really excited. I was able to collect goods from friends like Gelli De Belen, Carmina Villarroel and Eugene Go of EQ Diapers.

The goods that I collected would be coursed through the office of Congressman Domogan. Maraming goods namang dala ang Sagip Kapamilya. Saya-saya!

October 29 @ 5:00 am

I was already up, getting ready for the trip. Papunta na ako ng bathroom. I saw my portable pink DVD player calling me to watch while in the bathroom…Again, I gave in.

img_0648.jpg

6:00 am: Direk GB was already at my house to drive me to Pasay Hangar, where I would be joining Ma’am Cory Vidanes, Kris Aquino, and good friend Angel Locsin. Okay! Na-stress ako magbihis kung black, white, yellow, red… Kasi nga ang taba ako ngayon kaya ang hirap magbihis. Grrr! As in Grrrr!

img_0643.jpg img_0647.jpg

6:40 am: We were already on the road to Pasay. Traffic! Todo!

7:20 am: Ma’am Cory texted me, asking me kung saan na ako. We were still in Mandaluyong area.

7:25 am: I told them to go ahead and don’t wait for me. There’s air traffic that have to be considered. Kakahiya kaya sa mga kasamahan ko.

On the way, Direk GB was lecturing me about “Respecting the time of other people.” He was grumbling about my addiction to American and Korean series. I was, yes, totally pissed with him.

Finally, I put down the phone with Ma’am Cory Vidanes and realized that I was left behind because of my bagal-arte-kupad attitude.

We made a U-turn and headed back home. My bad. There was no one to blame but myself. I couldn’t blame Q who made lambing pa to me, and that stalled my time a bit. But it was my entire fault.

When I was in theater, I so hated people who were late. Bakit pag taping and work-related, di naman ako late? I should check my hearts’ intention for today’s outreach. Baka naman excited lang ako sumakay ng plane, di kay? Baka excursion at hindi outreach ang tingin ko sa lakad na ito? Reasons I made up to excuse myself from the real problem, which is tardiness.

Today, I hate myself for being tardy. It is a weakness that I need to overcome. And I should really respect people’s time. Parang I don’t know how to calculate time. I was just talking about there’s a time for everything and here I am, always making more time to watch these series.

I just heard my mom sayt we can go to Baguio now and join the outreach set for 3:00 pm, Friday. I can also bring Quentin for the long land trip. That would be exciting for him.

(Deep breathe) Life goes on as I pledge never to be late again ever.

Bait talaga ng mothers. Sabi ng mommy ko, halika mag-Dapitan na lang tayo at mag-ayos ng Christmas Tree. Family bonding. Haaaay! Nakaka-konsensya, pati ibang tao affected sa emotions ko. Dugtong-dugtong nga talaga ang buhay ng mga tao. It’s a chain reaction.

American time. Filipino Time. Just be on time.

Quentin’s happiness

Filed under: Features — admin at 5:01 pm on Monday, October 26, 2009

Be a child, life is easier.

My only boy Quentin recently celebrated his 6th birthday last October 16. Heto na, last day of classes yun and we weren’t allowed to celebrate in school that day due to school activities. I had no choice but to celebrate his birthday three days earlier than the last day of regular classes.

Panic: Stresss! Kailangan daw ng invitations according sa yaya.

Huh? Ang demanding ng mga batang ito. Hindi pa sila puwede sa text pass na lang. Kahit inform na lang sila?

“Ay mam, baka hindi po sila magdala ng regalo para kay Quentin?”

“Sabagay, kahit pencil lang naman, masaya na ang bata. Important meron siyang binubuksan. Importante meron siyang party sa school with classmates. Para malaman niya na birthday niya,” ang singit comment ni Granny.

Heto na ako. Ayoko ng mga ready-made na invites. Gusto ko medyo special. Para naman iba. I tried to do a personalized invite for Q. It took me two long nights trying to lay out a Mickey mouse personal invite for Q. Stresss! Hirap pala! Kaya naman pala, nagbabayad sa mga expert na nag-layout kasi it really takes so much time, effort, and patience for someone like me who’s doing this for the first time. I usually ask friends to do this for me. Pero ngayon, crunch time, dyahe!

Yippee! Nakatapos ako. Pina-print sa Kodak! Halos tumambling ako sa tuwa nang nakita ni Quentin yung invite at sinabi niya. “Wow! It’s Mickey Mouse and me!” Yes, it’s Mickey Mouse and you, and mom’s labor of love.

candy9.jpg

Tawag agad sa Fernando’s bakery. Order ako ng two cakes. 1 Mickey Mouse cake for school and 1 Pocoyo-inspired cake on the day of his birthday. Wala lang. Para sa birthday niya, meron naman siyang cake. I called my friend Jmee, from party links to help me out with the loot bags, party favors, balloons, standee, etc. Basta ang point, kailangan si Mickey Mouse, ka-join sa party. Salamat talaga kay Walt Disney sa ligayang dinudulot ni Mickey sa bagets. Pinapili ko na nga ang anak ko kung mom or Mickey. Nakakaloka kasi parang nahirapan talaga siyang mamili. Hindi ko na inalam ang sagot at baka masaktan ako.

candy61.jpg

Tuesday: Stress! Umaga pa lang, aligaga na ang lahat sa bahay. Quentin telling everyone, “It’s my early happy birthday to me.”

It was a simple celebration. Q gave away Mickey Mouse director’s chair, balloons, and hats. We brought Jollibee burgers, spaghetti and barbecue. Sarap ng barbecue na inorder ni granny sa may Road 8, kila Gongon. Ang sarap ng sauce sa halagang 15 pesos each.

candy7.jpg

I was amazed by the reaction of the kids after seeing the two Mickey Mouse standees. I was gladly surprised when the teachers said, “Ganda naman ng invitations ni Q, kasi personalized.” Kung alam lang nila…

We all sang the happy birthday song. Q blew his Mickey Mouse cake then eating time. After a while, kids were asked to fall in line for the loot bags or director’s chairs.

candy5.jpg

I heard Q call the names of each of his classmates. I was shocked that he knows all their names. He loves all his classmates…dearly loves them that the teacher told me whenever a student is crying, Q would be the first to console him/ her. He will offer a tissue, pat their backs or say, “stop na.” My boy has social skills.

The school party was simple. Q went home happy. Q kept thanking everyone in school.

Everyday since Tuesday celebration became his birthday until today. Why? Friday came and it was his real birthday. He went to school early for their school presentation. He was such a winner. He obediently held the flag for the national anthem. He wore his costume. He danced. He enjoyed every minute of his stage appearance. He was such a trooper.

candy4.jpg

He knew it was his birthday and parang ok lang naman siya, steady lang. I had a shoot that day. Stress! I was calling to check on Q’s whereabouts. He spent his day sliding in McDonald’s. Kamusta naman siya? Happy naman siya. My shoot finished early. Just in time for me to see his reaction upon seeing his Pocoyo Birthday cake. “Wow, Pocoyo! Wow! Pato and Eli! Pocoyo! Happy Birthday to me!” exclaimed Quentin. He was really very, very, very happy. Indeed, ang ganda naman talaga ng cake. Sobra!

candy3.jpg

Kung sino man ang gumawa kay Pocoyo, thank you. Kung gaano naman ka-in love ang anak ko kay Pocoyo, marami ang hindi sa kanya nakakilala. Kaloka! Care ko kung di niyo kilala si Pocoyo. Pero ang anak ko napapa-indak ni Pocoyo nang todo.

Friday, 9:00 pm: Mom told me, “Ipag-party natin si Quentin bukas, kahit konting bata lang. Sayang naman ang cake niya. Ikaw nga noon bata ka, ang liit ng cake mo tuwing birthday mo. Pinapatong ko lang sa kahon para tumaas. Saka ako nag-iimbita ng maraming bata para sa cake-blowing.”

Saturday instant party: Stresssssssssss! I texted mostly neighbors, para di naman dyahe kasi biglaan. People came with their kids. Instant food. Instant loot bags. We were thinking of games which would entertain the kids. Pero di naman pala kailangan ng games. Patok ang bola at isang slide sa lahat ng bata.

We were watching Quentin as he played and mingled. “Alam niya talaga na birthday niya. Kahit cake blowing, very cooperative siya.” Granny said

As I was watching the Quentin, I felt so blessed. Finally, my son is enjoying his party. This is the first time I’ve seen him really having so much fun. Naiintindihan na niya ang concept ng party and play. At naiintindihan na slightly siya. Kahit siguro hotdog lang ang i-serve ko, okay lang. Tawa ng tawa si Quentin…Parang ang dali naman pala ng trip nila. Hindi naman kailangan yung mga complicated and bonggang celebration. Kaya simple, kaya masaya, kasi bata, e.

candy01.jpg

Last October 17, I realized that a heart of a child is what we all need to make our lives easier. A heart of a child is easy to please, and appreciates the given. I’ve been stressed out recently because I’ve forgotten to use the child in me.

Purpose

Filed under: Features — admin at 1:59 pm on Thursday, October 15, 2009

Parati ko na lang yata sinasabi yung “life is short” pero kamakailan lang ay bonggang-bonggang sinampal sa fez ko ang true meaning nito.

Sumakabilang-buhay o parlor na po si Nanay Lydia, ang ina ni Direk Wenn V.Deramas. Halos gabi-gabi ay nandoon ako, mali…Gabi-gabi pala ay nandoon kami (ako, direk GB, Mama Taba, sister ko si MM, at ang mga amiga nina Mama na sina Sis Titus, Sis Baby, atbp.) Opo, tumpak, gabi-gabi ay nandoon po kaming buong pamilya, si Quentin lang ang hindi nakabisita bilang bagets. Parang kami nga ang namatayan. Bakit? Ako ang naatasan na magdala ng pari na magmimisa gabi-gabi doon sa wake.

Sa dami namang kilala ng mommy ko na pari ay inako ko na po ang responsibilidad. Gaano kadami? Madami talaga. Remember 12 pari plus 1 bishop ang nagkasal sa akin? Kaya heto ako, wala pang two years, hiwalay. Ang meaning ay tumodo dasal ang mga pari, kaya nagbigyan ako ng grasya na di pahabain ang paghihirap ko. No matter what, alam ko naman na may magandang kinahantungan ang pagdarasal nila.

Sa gabi-gabi kong pag-bring ng pari sa wake, wala naman akong ibang choice kungdi maki-mass na rin. Seven days ang lamay kaya one week straight din po ang mass ko. In fairness kay Nanay Lydia, napa-everyday mass mo ako.

Fr. Vic Sedaya, Claretian priest and Formator presided the mass on the first night. He said something that struck me big time. “When we come face to face with death, we think of our life. Death is a picture of a life lived. That’s why when we go to wakes; we talk about how the person lived her life with you. We sit quietly and think about our own lives; how we live it. Living a life worth living is living a life with purpose.”

Whew…ang bigat naman Father…Purpose in life na ang pinag-uusapan dito. Heavigat nang over! Tuloy ang misa. Deadma na muna sa purpose na yan at masakit sa membrane. Hehe.

candy12.jpg

Akala ng iba, madali lang mag-invite ng pari. Kailangan mo rin silang asikasuhin, chikahin at pakisamahan. Nakakahiya naman kung tratuhin mo sila na parang hired driver of the day. Kung yung driver nga, matinding pagsusuri ang ginagawa bago makapili, ganun din sa pari. Sa una kasi, ipagkakatiwala mo ang buhay mo. Sa pangalawa naman, ang kaluluwa mo.

Well, base sa experience meron din naman talagang kanya-kanyang strength ang mga pari, bilang human beings din sila. Some of them are really good speakers. Others have the ability to bring you to heavenly peace once they start reciting their sermon. Heavenly peace kasi, makakatulog ka sa boredom. Some priests can test your patience. Yung mga di ko maintindihan magsalita kasi foreigners, so iba ang accent ng English and Filipino nila. Pero minsan naman, hindi mahusay sa sermon pero mahusay naman sa counseling.

Believe it or not, gabi-gabi rin after ng lamay ay meron kaming post-mass meeting assessment. We discuss what happened. We also have a pre-mass meeting, where we discuss and decide who will be the next priest.

Usually, ako ang sumundo kaya ako rin ang maghahatid sa kanila. Hindi ko natiis at tinanong ko ang one-million question. Ano po ba yung purpose ko? Paano ko malalaman? Ano po ba, parang magiging prophet ako or ala-Mike Velarde? Hindi ko yata kaya. I have nothing against Mike. As a matter of fact, I totally admire the work he’s been doing.

Sabi ni Father, “huwag mo i-complicate ang buhay mo, and do just what you have to do. God gave you a kid then you are purposely made to be a mother. Be a good mother. You are given the talent to perform and a gift of humor, then make people laugh to ease out their pains. Kanya-kanya tayong purpose. Walang gayahan ng purpose.”

Si nanay Lydia passed away at 77 years old. My mom is 72 years old. Ibig ba sabihin 5 years na lang? Well, it all depends if she has already fulfilled her purpose.

Nung day of the burial, isang Dominican priest naman ang nag-celebrate ng mass. Nagpatawa ito at nagsabing, “Bakit ang pari sa patay lang kinukumbida? Bakit hindi invited ‘pag birthday? Pero okay na rin kasi minsan lang naman mamatay ang tao, puwede itong makailang birthday. Kaya kung sino ang mga nakita niyo dito sa lamay, na dumamay ay mga kaibigan niyong totoo. Kasi hindi party ang pinuntahan kung hindi ikaw mismo at ang pamilya mo.”

Napatingin ako sa paligid, may mukha akong nakita na ilang gabi ko nang nakikita sa burol. Napaisip ako sa mga taong pumunta, dumaan, chumika, kumain, at naki-misa. Napa-isip tuloy ako kung maraming pupunta sa lamay ko. Depende iyan siguro kung lubos kong nagawa yung purpose ko in life.

“Aray!” say na again ng membrane ko na feeling melodramatic na sa eksena sa punenarya. Nagsalita si Direk Wenn, hindi ako naiiyak, okay ako. Tanggap ko. Nauna lang si nanay, susunod ka rin. Bakit ako agad? E, mas matanda si Direk sa akin. Bakit hindi puwedeng siya?

Sabi ni Direk Wenn sa akin noong third night, hindi raw sila nakapagpaalamanan nang maayos. Mula noong gabi na yun, natuto na akong magpaalam sa mama ko tuwing aalis ako ng bahay. Dati kasi, deadma na sa goodbye. Mahirap pala yun kasi “Life is too short.”

Hindi natin alam kung kailan ang ending natin. Pero pag sinabi Niya sa taas na finish or not finish, pass your papers! Pass your papers na talaga. Tapos bibigyan ng grade ni Lord ang buhay natin. Whew! Kaya nga ako nagsulat ng entry agad kasi itong simple responsibilidad kong sumulat, purposely for Filipinos worldwide, ‘di ko nagagawa nang maayos. Bagsak na agad ako sa grading. Pero hangga’t ‘di pa pass your papers, gawa lang ng gawa nang makabawi sa low grades.

Living a life with a purpose is living a life to the fullest.

Not living a good life is living it for the foulest.

Hindi ko naman pala kailangan maging madre, o magsilbi nang OA sa church. I just have to do my job well and try to live a good life. Parang madali noh…Yun na nga ang ginagawa ko every day at parang di siya ganun kadali.