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Candidly

It seemed like it was just yesterday…

Filed under: Features — admin at 6:19 pm on Thursday, August 20, 2009

Every moment is precious. Every minute is momentous.

So true! And I started believing in these statements ever since I became a mother.

It seemed like it was just yesterday that I was having problems with my son’s constant vomiting after every meal, with his unexplainable tantrums, with his burst of extreme emotions that causes him to inflict pain on himself or to me.

It seemed like it was just yesterday na pinagbintangan ako ni Direk Wenn [Deramas] na meron akong jowang nambubugbog dahil ang dami kong pasa sa braso from Quentin.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when I didn’t know what to do and how to handle my child’s special needs.

It seemed like it was just yesterday that I started to research and put my son into therapy, and into another therapy, and another, and another.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when I prayed to God and asked him to make Quentin talk so I can better understand him.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when I cried to Him, “please, give my son friends, whom he can talk to me about.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when the teachers in social classes complained about Quentin exchanging his food with other kids so he can taste their baons.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when my son couldn’t wear a shirt or pee on his own.

These days, my son Quentin has improved a lot. No prayer was put to waste. No effort was left unrewarded. No mountain was high enough, sabi nga sa kanta, for your own child.

Recently, I visited my developmental doctor, who broke the good news. Quentin passed the assessment for kinder level. He’s now eligible to attend grade 1 next school year in a mainstream progressive school. Amazing!

Oo naman, parang nag-one woman show pa rin ako in front of my son, Quentin, while waiting for our turn in St. Luke’s. But there’s so much improvement. Kung dati, kailangan ko pang tumambling maaliw lang siya. Ngayon, nakukuha na sa clapping of hands and voice acting ang pang-aliw sa kanya. Semi-wrestling pa rin kami, pero at least, tumitigil na siya sa word na “stop.”

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Thank you for all your prayers and recommendations. Today, my son is better because a lot of people prayed for him and helped us.

Every developmental milestone of a child is very essential to one’s growth. There are so many things that we take for granted. Hindi natin naa-appreciate ang maingay nating anak, na kay daming tanong na ang hirap na sagutin. Hindi natin naa-appreciate ang strength and grip ng kanilang hands. Hindi natin masyado naa-appreciate that they can understand, feel, read, and talk. Akala natin pag ang bata, hindi gumapang, okay lang… Importante pala yun, kasi yun ang natural course of life.

One of the downsides of being a single parent is not being able to spend long hours with my child because I also have to work. Pero ganun talaga…Kung sabagay, parang mas pagod pa nga ako pag magkasama kami kasi kailangan mababa ang energy ko at para hindi ako sundan ni bagets. E, natural na mataas ang energy ko. Ewan ko nga ba…

It seemed it was just yesterday that my son performed onstage with his classmates. Oo nga, mistulang meron siyang ibang steps pero he did enjoy the dance. Totoo pala yung mga palabas na pag nakita mo yung anak mo sa entablado na nagpe-perfrom ay nakakaiyak. Siyempre, hindi ko binigay yung iyak ko sa harap ng madlang people, bilang nakatingin sila sa akin. In this performance, naging tambay na naman ako ng banyo at dun ako nag-break down while watching the video again. Hindi bumaba ang anak ko sa stage. Hindi nga rin siya pumirmi. But still tinapos niya.

If my memory serves me right, there was a school presentation where all my son did was cry for the whole hour and a half hanggang mapaos na siya.

Let me share with you the video kung saan nagtagumpay ang anak ko sa pagtitimpi na bumaba ng stage.

Kung ano man ang hindi ko nabantayan sa anak ko yesterday at nagugulat na lang ako na nagagawa na niya today, wala na akong magagawa about that. But I will make sure that whatever my son can do today, he will do much better tomorrow. Paano ko nalaman? Basta! If you will it, God will give it.

Sa lahat ng parents, kasama na ako dun, time is of essence. Hindi na maibabalik ang past. Hindi na maibabalik sa pagiging baby or bata ang mga anak natin. Totoo nga na nakakagulat na isang araw, college na pala sila.

Only You

Filed under: Features — admin at 12:38 pm on Monday, August 17, 2009

…5, 4, 3, 2, 1…Action!!!

(Makikita ang lahat ng mga characters na kasama sa eksena na ginagawa ang mga instructions na ibinigay ni direk. After five beats ay magsisimula ng magsalita ang unang character na nakasulat sa script.)

Assistant Director: Cut! Re-touch daw sabi ni direk.

Actor: Sino?

Assistant Director: Anong sino? Ano? Yung pagkain, dish, paki re-touch ang plating. Or ayusin ang plating please, kasi nagulo.

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This is the usual scenario off cam or on the set of Only You. Re-touch ang pagkain. Yes, pagkain po ang inaayos at tinututukan, more than the actors. Oo nga naman, hindi nga naman kaya ng pagkain i-retouch ang sarili niya, unlike the actors na kayang ayusin ang sarili.

Only You had three great months of good ratings and thanks to all of you. What’s the secret behind the top rating show? Just like making a good dish, it has to have the right combination, freshness, and crispness of the ingredients, plus patience and a lot of love to mount it all up and serve only the best.

I had the privilege to work with great actors, who are also good-hearted people. I worked with people who love their job and take it seriously. Sinu-sino ba sila?

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Si Nanay Cora ay masarap kasama, sa set taga-balanse ng timpla.

Al Tantay na talagang nakakatawa dahil ang utak nito ay kakaiba.

Kuya Pipo ay isang aktor na makuwento, at ang pampalipas oras niya ay ang pagtugtog ng gitara.

Itong si Dimples ay kontrabida sa TV pero sa totoong buhay ay kakampi mo siya.

Aba, Justine is the silent water runs deep pero patok sa tambalan with Dina.

Tatay Rod, talaga namang siya’y kakaiba, lahat ng edad gustong barkada.

Matalino at mabait si Gabe, ang role ay aking asawa.

Bing Pimentel ay isang beauty queen na kahit off-cam ay talagang poised na poised po siya.

Palmira, na karakter ni Melanie Marquez, is what you see is what you get. Yun na.

Mababaw, sarap patawanin at may plus one pa na napakabait na nanay si Iya Villana.

Jonathan o Diet, hindi nagbago mula noong Mula sa Puso, kung saan una ko siyang nakilala.

Si TJ o Sam Milby ay bulol. Totoo iyan pero talaga namang nagsusumikap madiretso ang dila niya.

Angel Locsin ay masipag, walang reklamo, at patas makisama sa lahat.

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Si direk Jeffrey ay mahaba ang pasensya, at magaling sumayaw ang kanyang Yaya.

Si direk Rory naman, noong una ay takot ako sa kanya, mabait naman pala.

Meron ba akong di nabanggit na cast?

Patawarin niyo ako. Malamang hindi kita madalas ka-eksena, ngunit hindi ibig sabihin hindi ka nagmarka sa buhay ko. Nagmamadali lang ako matapos ito para ma-submit ko na kay Karen (ang managing editor ng PEP). Kagaya ng pagkain, pag hindi hinain pagkatapos lutuin, palasak na ito. Kaya habang mainit-init pa ang emosyon ko ay sinusulat ko na.

Nag-outreach din kami last Sunday, August 16, 2009, sa Payatas. Walang arte sina Sam, Diet, Angel, Direk Rory, at ka-join din si Rima, ang lovelife ni Diet. About 1,100 ang kids na aming hinarap. Game na game naman ang lahat na chumika sa gitna ng init at masikip na covered court ng Payatas.

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Sa set ng Only You, meron akong dalaw parati. Wala akong narinig mula sa mga kasamahan ko. Ni hindi lumabas ang pagdalaw na ito sa set. May mga bagay na hindi na naman kailangan ilabas at maaring sa set na lang manatili ang balita. Yun ang masasabi kong respeto. Walang panahon ang mga cast and production na pag-usapan ang buhay ng iba, kasi nga, busy sa paggawa ng isang magandang palabas. Yun ang focus.

Ang EP (executive producer) naming si Sackey ay manganganak kasabay ng patatapos ng show. Ang AP (associate producer) naming na si Jaja, may timbre ang boses na talagang kami ay nagmamadali. Si EJ, best PA ang aming tawag. Si Ate Amy ng wardrobe ay memorize ang lahat ng continuation. Si Mervin na assistant director ay kamahalan kung bansagan. Si Ate My, EP rin na pumalit kay Sackey, who will soon give birth, ay walang toll ang pagka-cool.

Mula sa cast, creative, production, promo, management hanggang sa crew…

Wala akong itatapon ni isa sa inyo,

Lahat kayo ay importante sa show na ito,

Kahit ang naglatag ng kable ay pinagbutihan mo,

Kaya ang sikreto ng show na Only You

Ay ang bawat taong kasama na nagpuyat, napagod at nakasama ko.

At siyempre, noong hinainan sa madlang Pilipino,

Talaga namang pinanood at tinutukan ninyo,

Kayo ang bumuo at nagpakumpleto ng rekado.

Maraming Salamat. Hanggang sa muli. Sa susunod na teleserye. Magkita-kita tayo.

(Makikita na dahan-dahan sinasarado ang huling pahina ng iskrip, nakasulat in Bold letters: THE END.)

Death and Resurrection

Filed under: Features — admin at 1:52 pm on Friday, August 14, 2009


It’s better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all… How true? It’s so easy to say these words. But in reality, it’s so hard to acknowledge and accept this fact for the person who has lost a loved one. All I know is losing somebody physically or emotionally, losing one’s self-dignity, losing control of one’s emotions are all leading to some kind of death. Kaya nga siguro pag naloko ka sa lovelife, ang nasasabi mo na lang “papatayin kita.” Kasi nga, ikaw na nasaktan ay namatay in a certain way. Yung death is an inevitable key to progress. Sabi nga, kailangan daw talaga mamatay to be reborn.

 

Ah..eh… parang mahirap yata yun. Noon, ang mga favorite lines ko ay “I cannot live without you,” “You are my life,” and of course, Tom Cruise’s Jerry Maguire line: “You complete me.” Kaya naman pala ako naloloka pag naiiwan, kasi inaasa ko ang kasiyahan ko sa ibang tao. Na-realize ko noong nag-asawa ako, nahiwalay, hindi pala basis ang linyang “I cannot live without you” kasi hanggang ngayon buhay na buhay pa ako.

 

The question playing on my mind right now is “Can I live with the person?” I realize that I’m perfectly okay and comfortable on my own. Having somebody else in my life, other than the given like my son, my mom and sister is getting out of my comfort zone.

 

While I was watching “And I love you so…” premiere night last Tuesday at Trinoma, I was able to relate to Bea’s character. I’m quite sure that most of you will be able to relate to her character as well. One of her major fears is allowing a new person to enter her life, to love her, and making him another source of happiness. Nakakatakot nga naman talaga?! Honestly. People have been asking me about nasaan na ang sitwasyon ko ngayon. When I say na hinay-hinay lang. Hindi naman ako showbiz.

 

Plunging into a relationship is also allowing that person to hurt you again. Kaya nga po hinay-hinay lang. Totoo naman pala yung kasabihan na pangit kainin ang prutas na pilit na pinahihinog. Kaya nagpapahinog talaga dapat muna ang relasyon bago truly ito i-confirm.

 

“You complete me.” Kalokohan ang linyang ito. I often ask myself if I am still too broken to get into a relationship. Is the person I will be with whole as a person or broken as well? I realized that nobody can complete me, nor can I complete somebody else’s life. Oo nga naman, 1+1=2 then 2 becomes 1. Hindi nga naman ¾ + ½= 2 or 1 ¼  becomes 1. Wala namang ganun.

 

Time doesn’t heal wounds only God can. It’s not true that easily getting into another relationship can help a person move on. Moving on is a personal decision, which parang nag-doctorate yata sa course na ito. Ngayon, pag okay na ang lahat after the storm and death…. Biglang may dadating, nakakatakot nga naman talaga. Matching pa ng judgment ng mga tao left and right, sakit sa membrane. Nakakatakot? Oh yes! Sabi nga ni Andrew de Real pag nai-in love at pumapalpak, “De Real, Okay ka naman!” with matching palo sa forehead. “Pangilinan, okay ka naman! Pangilinan, tama ba ito?” magka-asawang palo sa forehead ito.

 

Risk is a part of growth. Letting oneself smile and be loved is a risk. I know that I still do not know if I am doing the right thing. That’s why baby steps, one step at a time…Let my Father in heaven help my walk.

 

I have died once in my life. In my death I was given a New Life. This New Life I cherish for it’s a gift.

 

“And I love you so” showing at all theaters nationwide, except SM cinemas. It’s about falling in love again, the fear of falling and allowing another person enter your comfort zone. Laurenti Dyogi under Star Cinema directs this movie. Opo, kasama ako sa movie na at… at… involve na involve ako sa pelikula na ito nang bonggang-bonggang.

 

 

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Do watch this film and be not afraid to fall in love again. Watch and learn that loving one self is essential to have a good relationship with another person. Resurrection ko na ba? Sana po. Sana.

 

My Yellow Memories

Filed under: Features — admin at 3:11 pm on Monday, August 3, 2009


I was prepared to talk about my last Cinemalaya experience and my past weeks’ activities, but the sudden death of former President Cory Aquino prompted me to write something else. Memories of EDSA revolution and the feeling for love of country all came back to me.

 

Naku, friends! Napaka-memorable ng experience na ito for me dahil type na type ko ang naglalakad sa kalye. Involve na involve ang mommy ko with our parish priest, now Archbishop Ramon Arguelles, gathering people to pack goods and food for the soldiers. Kaya heto ako with my friends, bring ng plenty na pasabog na napapangiti ang mga sundalo, at ‘pag may sobra, give sa mga taong-bayan na nakahilata sa EDSA. Correct, sa EDSA po nakahilata. Nagmistulang park hanggang EDSA as we walked in the middle of the road. It was indeed a privilege to be part of  1986 “People Power.”

 

Nakabarkada na ako. Payag pa si mommy. Involved pa ako sa Bayan and in na in ako sa kuwentuhan ‘pag back to school. Pagalingan kami ng stories…

 

I’m in Davao now. It’s Aug 2, 3am. I am watching Salamat, Cory and I am truly sad because ex-President Cory passed away, 3am yesterday, August 1. At the same time, I feel guilty. Bakit? Ano ba ang nagawa ko since EDSA Revolution for this country? Why do I keep blaming other people when I have done so little, or maybe nothing at all. I went to EDSA during 1986. I witnessed and made a promise to myself to be a good citizen and help this nation be better, by being a better person. Pero parang naging better reklamador lang naman yata ako. I forgot that I cannot change other people but could only change myself

 

Kaya nga siguro dinaan na lang ni President Cory sa prayers ang bigat ng problema ng bayan. Kasi wala naman siyang magagawa para palitan ang mentalidad, pag-iisip ng mga tao sa gobyerno at linisin ang proseso ng pulitika! “Laban! Laban! Laban!” Iyan ang sigaw na bonggang naki-sigaw ako nung bagets ako. Nagamit ko nga rin iyang “Laban” na iyan ‘pag badtrip ako sa mommy ko. ‘Pag ayaw ako payagan “Laban sign” ang tinatapat ko.

 

I now remember why I always associate the color yellow with unity, sincerity, helping others, and giving of one’s self.  Meron na nga nagtanong sa akin bakit color yellow ang pinasusuot ko pag meron outreach. Today, I realized why. I was wearing yellow and saw people in yellow when I felt real, honest, sincere unity and love overflowing around me. Totoo iyan!

 

Heto yata ang 1st time na nagalit ako sa lahat ng tao sa bahay, lalo na sa mommy at kuya ko dahil hindi ako ginising at umalis na sila nang maaga to distribute goods to the soldiers. Umiyak ako! Talagang pikon na pikon ako sa mommy at kuya ko na iniwan ako. When they came back I asked why they left me. They told me that I looked very tired that’s why they decided to leave me.

 

It was also the 1st time I ever uttered patriotic words in my life as a Filipino. I said, “Bakit, mukha bang mas pagod ako sa mga soldiers at mga taong naglalamay doon sa EDSA?” Pati ako nagulat din sa sinabi ko. I vividly remember that my mom’s eyes widened in shock. She answered, “Papahinga lang kami sandali, babalik ulit dun kasi marami pang dadalhing pagkain. Meron nang nagpa-pack sa church. Kung gusto mo pahatid ka na sa church to help in packing.” Kahit packing papatulan ko ‘yan. Kailangan involved ako. Dagdag-kuwento at pasikat din ito sa school.

 

I remember that I was with my brother when there was crossfire outside the main building of ABSCBN. There were 2 snipers at the tower and the soldiers na kampi ng taong-bayan were hiding at the walls of ABS-CBN. There was a line of civilians from the gate wall to the other side of the street, where their ammunitions were located. Basta bayanihan effect. Hindi nga lang bahay ang binibuhat namin. I was in one of the lines. Nakipasa din ako ng bala mula sa likod para makarating sa sundalo sa harapan.

 

Basta ang naalala ko, sabi ng kuya ko kailangan mabawi ang TV station na yun. Isa ako sa lumaban para sa istasyon na yun. There’s always a reason for everything. Hindi ko naman alam na in the future I will be working in this station. Aminin naman natin, parang Broadcast City po ang sikat nung time na yun. Medyo bad trip nga ako kay kuya na pumunta kami sa Mother Ignacia at hindi sa may Broadcast City. Buti na lang dinala ako ng kuya ko sa Mother Ignacia at hindi sa Broadcast City. Kasi baka sabi ni Lord, kung ano ang pinaglaban mo, dun ka. Kung nagkataon sa Channel 9 or 13 ako ngayon may show.

 

I remember the phrase, “Hindi ka nag-iisa.” Ang laman ng phrase na ito. It went beyond pertaining it to Tita Cory and Ninoy. It was a statement addressed to every individual who wanted change, who wanted a better life. Lahat yata ng items hanggang pins and flags, patol ako sa pagbili.

 

Every time kumakanta si Vernaliza ng “Magkaisa,” naiiyak ako

 

‘Pag kinakanta ang “Bayan Ko” naiiyak ako. Ilang taon na ang nakalipas, kahit walang kanta naiiyak ako pag Pinas ang usapan. Ano nga ba ang nangyari sa yellow experience ko. Yung “Tie A Yellow Ribbon” song kept on playing but I didn’t really understand what it meant. Hindi ko pa nga yata alam ang “old oak tree”…. Pero na-memorize ko siya noon. Yellow became a symbol of hope for me. Now I know why I always want people to wear yellow during outreaches because it gives me a warm and bright feeling. It traces back from the 1986 EDSA Revolution where yellow was a symbol of oneness, unity, and hope.

 

What happened to my yellow experience? Will it just forever be a memory? I hope not. I hope it may be a testimony and reminder. Tita Cory, I am guilty. I have never met you personally but I feel we are bonded because of the color yellow. I feel close tayo kasi… kasi… Ganun lang talaga…si Tita Cory ka, kahit di mo naman ako pamangkin.

 

May the gates of heaven open wide for you. Mas malapit ka na kay Bossing, pakibraso naman po ang pagbabago ng bansa natin, as the hearts of people truly change.

 

You gave me the best yellow memories. Thank you.

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