Candidly

Batang Kalye

Filed under: Features — admin at 5:26 pm on Monday, July 13, 2009

I had a corporate show for a pharmaceutical company in SM Megamall last Friday, July 3, 2009. My call time was at 2:30 p.m.

I had always hated the EDSA traffic caused by a vehicular accident, to which everyone “makes usyoso” as the motorists slowly pass by and check who’s at fault. The people involved usually get into a debate in the middle of the street until a police investigator arrives. Nagta-traffic po kayo! Hello! Caramba! Aminin naman natin na pakialamera, ma-opinion at madakdak sa mga issues ng kapwa natin na di naman natin alam ang kabuuan.

Nagmagandang loob ang special friend (special friend?! parang special halo-halo…basta, it’s complicated ang status nito) ko na samahan ako sa show gamit ang kanyang sasakyan. In fairness, bago, maganda, magara at porma kung porma ang karuh. The day before the show, I was advised not to be late for my call time because client is very particular with time.

We were in a rush so we’d beat the call time. My ICF (it’s complicated friend) particularly told the driver to stop at a gas station. I insisted to go straight to the show’s venue for fear of becoming late. Karma!  Paakyat ng  Ortigas flyover, bigla na lang kaming nag-freeze frame. Anong nangyari?

“Ma’am, tumirik po tayo. Naubusan ng gas,” say ng driver. “Huh, bakit di tayo nagpagas,” ask ni ICF na nakatulog sa traffic. “Naipit na kasi tayo ng mga kotse sa gitna, akala ko po aabot pa tayo kaya di na ako nag-abala mag pa-gas,” ang mabilis na reply ng driver. Ayun mas malaking abala ang nangyari…

We were under the heat of the sun, hanging along Ortigas flyover, heto na yun…Kitang-kita ko ang mga taong slow motion na dumadaan at nakatitig na parang sinadya naming na tumirik ang kotse. I felt we were wrongly judged for our mishap.

So this is how it feels. I have judged so many people who accidentally caused traffic. Walang gas! Walang aircon! Walang labasan sa car at nakakahiya! Walang hangin! Walang malapit na gas station…panic! At walang naniniwala sa akin na nasiraan ako sa EDSA. Never ko naman ginamit na adlib ang nasiraan ng car.

I had no choice but to go down the car and take pictures of myself in the middle of EDSA to prove my innocence.

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Nakakahiya na nga ‘tong nangyaring ito. Pero parang mas nakakainsulto yung hindi sila naniniwala sa akin. What reputation do artists have? I guess, it’s because latecomers in showbiz abound. Most give lame adlibs. A few have valid reasons.

At that moment, I felt bad because it seemed like I had no word of honor. I also realized that I have to work harder to prove people wrong about this notion that artists have no discipline at all. Freeze…Why am I pointing a finger to my colleagues when the other three fingers of mine are pointing at me? Guilty.

Lately, I have been constantly late with the excuse that I have a kid. But, that’s not an excuse. It’s a weird wake-up call, amid the noisy cars honking at me. Our ever-efficient driver/feeling superman hurriedly got off the car to get gas. Ay! Akala niya malapit ito! As expected, para siyang nasirang tape na dahan-dahan nanghina papalapit sa gas station.

Good news! There are still good Samaritans in this day and age. An acquaintance of my ICF was passing by, recognized the car plates, and stopped to lend help. As expected, their help cameat the time my superman driver was still running along EDSA to reach Connecticut, Greenhills.

Pawisan akong dumating sa venue. Pawisan na sinundo ni ICF ang superman/driver ko na labas dila at piga t-shirt ng pawis. I was just on time. We rehearsed with my harassed look. I still apologized because if I were in the producers’ shoes, my excuse was still irrelevant. And my concern would just be, my artist arrive on time. Simple lessons that I seem to have forgotten and taken for granted. Lessons which I promised to abide by when I was still a striving theater artist.

The EDSA experience made me want to go back and see things that I don’t get to experience anymore, ang kalye. Heto na kami along busy Espana Avenue, when ICF suggested na kumain kami ng PARES in one of the karinderias. GO!

Ang steady ng experience. Ang mura ng pagkain. Ang simple ng presentation. Ang liit ng serving ng ulam, ang daming kanin pero may libreng sabaw. Ganun lang naman yata talaga ang kailangan ng isang tao na intake sa isang meal, e. I saw the simplicity of the place and the sincerity of the people eating. They were eating not to be seen but to really enjoy food and fill their stomach. Kasi di ba, aminin natin na merong times na we eat in a place not because we are truly hungry but because we want to see people and be seen by people.

Ang saya ng color ng plates…orange! Parang early warning device lang. Parang sinasabi sa kumakain…Heto na ang Food! Kain na!

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After eating, tumambay pa kami sa kalye at pinanood namin ang mga tao sa paligid. Different people walking in different directions, some are waiting, some are simply standing, some are laughing with friends and there were also sidewalk vendors convincing passersby to buy.

Lahat ay may sari-sariling kwento. Lahat ay may pinanggalingan.. Lahat ay may pinagdadaanan. Lahat ay may gustong puntahan. Lahat ay may kanya-kanyang lakbay.

The parallelism of life and the street. Mayaman o mahirap, we all have our journeys to walk. Kaya lahat tayo ay batang kalye…(Ahhh…doon pala papunta ang blog entry na ito. Akala ko mag-e-ending ako ng wala lang…)

PALASAGOT:

PENSHOPPE: Di naman ganun kaliit fez ni Meryll. Taba lang ako talaga…

NOTIE: Gusto ko yung Chinese tea na iyan. Padalhan mo naman ako, parang awa mo na…

LIFEISGOOD2008: Thanks for the affirmation.

SA22LONG: Pag pumayat ako, post ko dito agad kung paano ang ginawa ko. Okay?!

PAKET: Hindi ako marunong maghoola-hoop.

SEXYSHINE225: I’m not sure if I’m allowed to post Aubrey’s picture kasi merong may-ari noon, ang FHM. Basta hindi nagbago itsura niya, mas pumayat pa nga e.

ASK_ME_TO_STAY: Thank you naman kung sa paningin mo ay mas bagay ang itsura ko ngayon. Kung binobola mo ako, thank you pa rin kasi nakakagaan ng pakiramdam.

NICQUEE: Baka nga ako rin, e, madaming excuses kaya di ako tuluyan pumapayat, e.Ayaw ko yung muffin… Pero tama ka, meron nga ako niyan ngayon. Nakakainis talaga!

BUNGANGERA_SI_ANNABELLE: Swak talaga! At marami na ka-age natin parang ayaw umamin. Korek? Wait, bothered lang ako bakit naman heto ang username mo? May galit ka ba kay Tita Annabelle? O hindi naman siya ang tinutukoy mo dito sa codena ito?

RAFGAB: Hindi ba nakakainis yung hindi magkasya yung clothes…Grrrr!

Past and fats

Filed under: Features — admin at 8:37 pm on Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I have been gaining so much weight recently. In my line of work, thin is in, because on TV, one gains ten lbs.

I received comments from my manager and friends encouraging me to lose weight asap. Parang ang dali naman nung request nila. Parang nagpapalit lang ng shoes ang pagkaka-utos nila na gawin ko.

The problem is, when you are getting older, your metabolism becomes slower, and that’s a sad fact. Metabolism is not very favorable to the middle-aged people. Metabolism has no respect for the fats accumulated in an aging woman’s body, and this may cause her depression then eventually lead to self-pity. OA ba?!

One would feel this insecurity, especially when the people around you say, “Tumataba ka, ha,” or “Parang healthy ka…” or “Happy ka, noh! Hiyang ka, eh, at parang lumolobo ka.” Does it follow that you get fatty if you’re happy? Due to this weight gain, the happiness turns into despair. Ang sad, di ba?

Napansin ko lang talaga, when I was younger, kahit lumamon ako ng isang kalderong kanin, payat pa rin ako. Ever since I gave birth, maamoy ko lang ang food, tumataba na ako agad. Hindi ko talaga alam kung paano ang ginagawa ng mga kapwa kong artista, at kahit ilan na ang anak nila ay balingkinitan pa rin sila. My friends told me not to worry because that is just the natural course of nature. It’s but normal to have bulges in certain body areas which are so prominent and can be seen.

Then here comes Aubrey Miles, this month’s FHM cover girl. A lady who just gave birth but has a contoured body shape. Paano na?! Anong nangyari? At may asawa siya na guwapong Troy Montero. After seeing Aubrey Miles on FHM, I decided to lose weight again. Pero ang hirap talaga! Halos lumaki na ang leg muscles ko sa kakatakbo sa UP. Not to mention na feeling ko anytime, puwede na akong lumaban sa mga tambay sa kanto kaka-boxing ko. ‘Tapos pag nasa bahay ako, may I stretching ako while watching TV, reading a book, and brushing my teeth.

After all these activities, I checked my weight on the scale, and…I  didn’t lost a single pound. Not even half a pound…Nakakainis! Nakakapikon! Nakaka-dissapoint! Halos lumabas na ang lahat ng internal organs ko kaka-exercise. Diet to death pa. To death na ang feeling ko dahil minsan, puwede na akong mamatay sa gutom.

It’s true that the side effect of no carbohydrates is short temper, which may lead to bad attitude. Ang pangit!

Less eating means less meeting opportunity with friends. Kasi nga, hindi ako makasama sa mga dinner, parties, and gimmicks dahil natatakot akong ma-tempt kumain.

Hindi ko alam kung sinasadya talaga ng pagkakataon, pag feel na feel kong tumakbo, bigla namang uulan ng malakas. Pag decided na ako mag-boxing, bigla namang loaded ang schedule ng trainer. Pag type ko naman mag-exercise at home, it’s either Quentin arrives and plays with me, or my good friend comes to visit. Alangan naman magtutuwad ako sa harap niya.

Lalo pa akong nalulungkot pag nakikita ko ang mga old pictures namin ng friends ko. ‘Tapos sila, parang payat pa rin naman at ako, ang laki ng tinaba ko. Nakakalungkot! I have to admit that there are times when I just want to reward myself with good food for the work that I do. Stress is another factor for weight gain. People who are so stressed out tend to eat more.

Sabi nga nila, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and I hold my beauty. Beauty is relative. I have plenty of relatives, therefore, I am a beauty. Napa-isip din ako, bakit si Monalisa hindi naman payat pero sumikat? Iyong mga women noong Renaissance age, payat din kaya sila? Puwede?! Sa bigat ng mga damit nila, I’m sure, parati silang pawis kaya nagsisipag-payatan sila.

Kaya siguro mataba ang tao ngayon kasi, ang konti ng tela ng damit at ang gaan, walang weights.  Kaya din siguro uso ang whitening kasi lahat naka-expose…Ayun lahat ng parts naaarawan. Puwede diba? Ngayong mataba ako, ang tagal ko pang magbihis. Nakain ko nga ang lahat ng gusto ko, di ko naman masuot ang mga damit ko.

Sana mas mabait ang mga tao sa paligid pag nagbitaw ng salita. Noong Baguio incident, na-televise yung pagharap ko sa City Council of Baguio. Nagulat ako kasi parang magkasing-dami ang nag text to commend my bravery and to comment on my big face. Ayun! Nalito ang emotions ko.

Looking at myself in the mirror now, even with the bulges, stretch marks and all, I seem to like myself better now. I will not deny that I miss my young, frail, thin youthful body. But this body had carried a baby in her womb. This body has gone through a lot. This body knows herself better than before. And more than anything else, this body knows that her soul can be truly beautiful and be magnified inside and out.

Payat man o mataba, one’s body may change. But I guess, mentality and attitude ko muna ang papalitan ko para ma-achieve ko ang goal ko. I should stop dweeing on the past and on my fats. I should fight to be fit.

Wait lang kayo mga friendship, papayat ako ulit. Wait lang kayo, I declare war against fats. Now na!

PAHABOL

Happy birthday, Sweet. Stay sweet and strong ever!

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BUNGANGERA_SI_ANNABELLE: Salamat at nagustuhan mo ako sa Only You.

dyosa_ng_kagandahan: Ako rin, naiyak nung binabasa ko. Diyahe kaya!

euan001: Thank you for the understanding every time late ang mga entries ko. Pero ako mismo, na-mimiss kong sumulat para sa inyo.

nov_8: Sad talaga. Pero naisip ko lang, kung buhay ang daddy ko, hindi ako nag-artista kasi ayaw niya. There’s a reason for everything.

amazingmaxx: Yes. It’s but right to count our endless blessings!

ohamom: “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass…It’s about learning how to dance in the rain!”—Panalo ka naman sa quote na ito. Pasok na pasok lalo na sa panahong tag-ulan.

stanley: Sana nga…

KillerSmile: Meron na nga ba akong love life? Di ko sure…Baka papunta pa lang dun sa certainty na confirmed at na-embrace ko na ito. Dami ko pa kasing kailangan ayusin.

pambihira: Salamat sa mga pambihira mong comments.

pito: Sagot ko sa iyong tula…

Ako’y nagpapasalamat ng lubusan.
Blog ko iyong sinusubaybayan.
Sa iyong tula aking napatunayan,
Sinseridad ng iyong katauhan.

Tayo’y mag-aminan,
gumawa ng tula ay di biruan,
pag-abalahan ito’y kailangan,
dahil para mag-rhyme, ito’y pinag-isipan

PHLOG

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Recent events in my life

Filed under: Features — admin at 3:26 pm on Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Katatapos lang naming mag-celebrate ng Pentecost. Teka, ano ba iyang Pentecost? Anong event ba iyan?

Without meaning to sound too preachy, let me explain what it’s all about. Pentecost is the descend of the Holy Spirit upon the Apostles.

Fine! Fine! Kay baduy ba ng topic?

The truth is, I realized only recently that the Holy Spirit plays an important part in our lives. He’s with us and within us. Taray, di ba! He’s also called the Paraclete and our guide in our everyday life.

Pentecost is also the birthday of the Church. Kaya tumodo celebration naman talaga kami. Siyempre, involved ako bilang ang nanay ko ay bonggang involved na involved dito.

At dahil merong may birthday, merong gifts. Yes! The Holy Spirit has gifts to offer for all of us. Naku, di ko po memorize ang lahat ng mga extraordinary gifts and fruits ng Holy Spirit.

Cut to…We were assigned to cut 3,000 pieces of flames to be given to the mass-goers, who will receive the gifts and fruits from the Holy Spirit.

Na-touch ako…Sa shooting ng Bea Alonzo-Sam Milby movie, which is being directed by Laurenti Dyogi, bonggang-bonggang tumulong ang mga tao sa paggupit ng flames. Nanguna pa si Direk Lauren sa padamihan ng magugupit. Nakakaloka kasi naging isang masayang activity siya, sort of bonding. Naging source of joy namin ang “Gupit Flames” project na ito. Nakakatuwa kasi kinarir talaga nila ang pag-cut and pag-shape. Ang saya, di ba! Watch niyo movie namin. Lapit na kaya todo!

Bakit Flame? Ang hirap kaya ng shape na yun.

The reflection I got from Fr. Aloy Alino during his homily was that we must set our hearts with the fire of the Holy Spirit. Our minds illuminate the light and truth; our tongues fire with passion in spreading only good news. Dedma na sa panlalait! Hirap kaya!

Three days after Pentecost, I went up north para humarap sa City Council of Baguio. Lahat yata ng pores ko sa body ay nilabasan ng tubig. All my sweat glands were working double time, with my heart beating so fast and my whole body shaking and trembling.

There were a lot of people I have to thank for helping me go through this ordeal. My family, my mother, my community which prayed unceasingly, my friends who encouraged and discouraged me, the people who wrote good and bad things about me, Cong. Domogan, who paved the way for me to meet with the council, the City Council of Baguio, the people of Cordillera, IBP, the press who impressed and depressed me and, of course, my God who heard my prayers and gave me the courage to face the council. Para ba akong tumanggap ng award? Opo… award talaga.

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I came, I apologized, I understood, they accepted, they forgave me. The rest is history, ika nga. But the lessons I learned will forever be imprinted in my heart. Ang lalim po ng pinanggagalingan nila, bilang they have always been the butt of jokes and ridiculed in different ways. This will be another entry. Pero heto lang ang masasabi ko ngayon, ang tatalino ng mga tao na nakaharap ko. I was referring to the members of the City Council of Baguio and all those who came to the session hall that day. I don’t want to compare and mention other cities that I have visited but you know what I mean.

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Next big event in my life, other than my work routine, was Quentin’s back-to-school preparation and orientation. How cute to see mothers who really put in so much effort in covering notebooks, making name tags, looking for the perfect bag and lunch box for their kids.

I have to admit, it really gives me joy to gather Quentin’s materials for school. He is so into Mickey Mouse. I am starting to like Mickey Mouse myself. No wonder this mouse made millions and more. He has so much charm and is so harmless. With Mickey Mouse’s simplicity, I can see Walt Disney’s sincerity.

Next event is the Father’s Day. I was tasked to make a letter for my father and read it at the 9:00 am mass in our parish. My mom agreed. Huh? Huwat?! My dad died when I was in grade 4. I never really spent time with my dad. I grew up with my mom. I have nothing against my dad but I just don’t know him that well. Writing a letter for my dad was so hard that the effort took a lot from me.

I was able to write a letter. I realized there are so many things I want to tell my dad. I knew myself a bit more after writing the letter. Let me share it with you.

Dear Daddy,

Happy Fathers’ day!

Sana po nandito kayo para personal ko po kayong mabati ng “Happy Fathers’ Day.”

Noon po, madalas kong tanungin kung bakit niyo kami iniwan? Bakit maaga kayong kinuha sa amin ng Diyos?

Alam po ninyo, madalas ko po kayong ma-miss lalo na po pag hindi kami magkasundo ni mommy. Ang pakiramdam ko, kung nandito si daddy, malamang kampi po tayo.

Daddy, marami po akong pagkakataon sa buhay ko na sana nandoon ka sa tabi ko.

Madalas po akong mainggit sa mga classmates ko noong bata ako dahil meron po silang daddy na nagsusundo sa kanila. Meron silang daddy na kasamang kumukuha ng card nila sa school, meron silang daddy na kasama sa family day para maglaro ng sack race.

Sana po tuwing tumatanggap ako ng awards noong nag-aaral pa ako ay kasama kayo ni mommy na nagsasabit ng medal ko.

Noong una beses ko pong manalo sa inter-school competition at tinawag nila ang pangalan ko, na-miss ko po talaga kayo. Binanggit kasi nila ang apelyido ko, Pangilinan, kayo po yun. Galing po sa inyo. Sana nakita po ninyo kung gaano kalakas ang palapak ng mga tao, lalo na ang principal ng school namin.

Sana noong unang beses akong matalo ay nandoon din po kayo. Kasi gusto ko lang marinig mula sa inyo, “Okay lang yun anak, sa susunod mas galingan mo pa.” Sana nandoon kayo para nayakap niyo ako at di pahiya ang feeling ko.

Sana po kung nandito kayo ay natulungan ninyo po ako magdesisyon at kumilatis kung sino ang tamang taong makakasama ko sa buhay.

Sana po noong naglalakad ako sa altar noong ako ay ikakasal, ikaw ang naghatid po sa akin. O di kaya, kung nandito kayo baka napigilan niyo pa ako.

Sana po noong nahiwalay ako, nandito kayo para hawakan ang kamay ko. Sana nandito kayo para may kakampi ako. Sana nandito kayo para may tagapagtanggol ako. Sana nandito kayo… sana lang naman.

Alam niyo, meron na po akong anak, batang lalaki. Noong binyag niya, hinahanap ko kayo para makalong ninyo ang apo ninyo. Five years old na po siya, sa kanyang kabataan wala rin po siyang tatay, kaya pinipilit ko po ang lahat ng paraan para magampanan na maging ama at ina ng apo niyo.

Nakakatuwa po ang apo ninyo, kahit may konting diperensiya, sa lahat ng pagkakataon siya ay nagdadasal. Magaling po siya magdasal.

Ang hiling ko lang dad, tulungan po ninyo ipanalangin na magampanan ko ang pagiging ina at ama ng aking anak.

Alam ko na ayaw po ninyo po akong mag-artista, Daddy, sana nandito ka para nakikita ninyo po kung gaano po karaming tao ang napapasaya ko. Huwag po kayong mag-alala at pinag-iigihan ko naman po ang pagiging artista na may responsibilidad at dignidad.

Sana kasi, hindi kayo masyado uminom at nag-yosi para di kayo nagkasakit.

Sana noong nagkaproblema po ako sa Baguio, nandito ka. Kasi kailangan talaga namin ng lalakeng makakasama noon sa aming pag-akyat sa Baguio. Puro babae po kami.

Pero alam ko naman na kahit di kita pisikal na kasama ay pinagdadasal mo ako parati sa Diyos Ama. Hindi naman po masama ang loob ko na maaga po kayong pumanaw. Alam ko naman po na may dahilan ang lahat ng ito.

Saka kung ano man po ang pagkukulang ko sa inyo, sorry. At yung mga kasalanan niyo po sa akin, okay na po yun.

Sana lang po kung ano man po ako ngayon ay proud po kayo sa akin.

At para po sa buhay kong ito…marami pong salamat.

Marami pa pong pagsubok pero alam ko na kakayanin ko po ito dahil kaagapay ko pa rin kayo.

Sana nasabi ko sa iyo ito noong buhay pa kayo. Sana noong kumakain tayo sa Shantung, nabanggit ko kahit minsan na mahal kita, Papa. Mahal na Mahal.

Again, Happy Father’s Day.

Candy

PS. Pakisabi naman po sa ating Diyos Ama, maging ama para sa aking anak na si Quentin, para po sa akin, kay mommy at sa lahat po ng walang ama sa lupa.

How time flies! So many things had happened. Once again, my problems last month ain’t no longer my problem today. This too shall pass. Living life to the fullest is moving forward everyday.