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Candidly

Heart Attacks

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin at 1:43 am on Wednesday, January 30, 2008

 

A day before the show, nagka-heart attack ako nang nalaman ko na namatay ang daddy ng pianist namin for the show. Paano na?! He opted to stay because he needed the fee. Nakaka-attack ng heart ang kanyang situation. At ito ang realidad ng buhay.

Muntik na ako magka-heart attack sa kaba last Saturday, akala ko walang manonood. Na-heart attack ako sa dami ng tao. Muntik na akong isugod sa ICU when I found out that my family, relatives, community members, and friends came to support the show. It was overwhelming to know that people were there to show their support and love for you. Ang daming tao sa Eastwood. Parang hindi nauubos. Habang lumalalim ang gabi, lalong dumadami ang tao. Mostly, people came in pairs.

I went to church today. Nung peace be with you moment na, “Huli ka!” sabi ng radar ko. Daming mga mag-syota at mag-asawang nagsisimba ng magkasama. What a sight to behold! Gusto ko sana pa-affect kaso I was pre-occuppied kaya okay lang ako.

Nag-jogging ako kaninang hapon, nakita ko na naman yung mag-asawang matanda na naglalakad na magka-holding hands. Sapul! Yun na! Heart attack na ang effect sa akin! Aray! (sighs)

Two weeks before Valentine’s Day, and everything I see around me simply reminds me of the day. Nakaka-pressure! Culture and peer pressure. I remember answering a guy two days before February 14 when I was in high school, just to make sure I would have a date at the V-day gimmick. Then two days after the V-day, I broke up with him. My reasons were so lame that I couldn’t even remember now how I pulled it through.

Don’t get the impression that I’m depressed and whining. The simple fact is, I’m human and I have feelings. Wala masyadong malalim na pinanggagalingan ito.

People come to me and ask how come I don’t have a boyfriend? Have I closed my doors to that idea? Honestly, it’s not really in my priority list, but then again, if God sends me someone, thank you.

People, in general, have these notions about people in the industry when it comes to love and relationship.

1. Men are swooning and they’re everywhere. It’s easy to get a good catch.

2. Pasahan naman ng BF ang mga artista.

3. Relationships don’t last in this business.

To defy these beliefs:

 

1. Yes it’s true that men are everywhere, but it doesn’t mean na type mo yung nasa paligid mo. As far as I can remember, parang mas madami pa yata akong suitors when I wasn’t an artista yet. Since I became an artist, my social life suffered due to my working hours. Meaning, wala akong nakikilalang mga tao na merong enough courage to ask me out. Siguro, malakas din ang personality ko. Kasalanan ko na naman ba yun?

2. The irregular workin hours don’t give us the oppurtunity to meet people other than the ones we work with. That’s a major reason why people fall in love with each other. That rings true for people working at the offices.

3. Relationships do last and can last. Like normal couples, showbiz couples fight. It just so happen that we are in the limelight. The lovers quarrel then becomes a national issue. Yung mga pa-cute na away, dahil lumaki na, pinanindigan na lang.

Ngayon, sa tingin niyo ba masisi niyo na naman yung mga taong nagiging mag-syota dahil nagkatrabaho? Nope. Companionship and proximity play a very big part in a relationship. Iba…nakaka-heart attack ang realities na ito.

My sister and I had a Koreanovela marathon. We finished watching Coffee Prince, nakakakilig! Gusto ko na naman ma-in love. Lahat na naman ng tsinito and alike, merong ibang charm sa akin.

I also just finished watching Brothers and Sisters. The series is about family and the lives and love that brings them together and apart. Ouch! After finishing these two series, I am in love with love and finding, waiting for the right one to come. Love is worth watching as it unfolds before our very own eyes. Ibang heart attack ang ibinigay sa akin ng dalawang series na ito. Talagang bulls eye ang attack sa weakness ng heart ko as a person. (sighs)

Muntik ng magka-heart attack ang nanay ko sa akin dati, dahil parang nagpapa-cute na ako sa mga tambay sa kalye namin. Iyan naman ang effect sa akin ng movie na Maging Sino Ka Man, with the Megastar Sharon Cuneta and Robin Padilla. Pag-uwi ko, ang feeling ko, ang guguwapo ng mga tambay sa amin.

Same thing with Batang Quiapo, na sina Maricel Soriano and FPJ ang lead. After watching the movie, I wanted to transfer to Quiapo area.

What’s my point?

Love is infectious and contagious.

Ngayon na wala naman akong Valentino, nagiging sensitive ako lately. Ka-level ito ng emotions ko just before I celebrate my birthday. Kahit saan ako pumunta, merong nakasabit na heart. On the radio, they play love songs repeatedly. Tapos naka-hang all over the area’ang mga puso, puso, puso! Bakit kailangan puso? Bakit hindi na lang pusod or bilbil? Kahit nga bilbil mo na ang isabit, ma-trim down lang ng konti yung heart attack all over the archipelago.

‘Di naman ako really bothered sa situation ko until all these things came up. Until I noticed that other people have something that I don’t…It simply makes me wonder when, how, where, and who will be my next Valentino.

For now, let me share the love with my son, family and friends.

Or maybe, I have been spending so much time not loving myself and losing that gift of dignity. Maybe, God wants me to love myself, to appreciate my humanness and the whole package. The hardest lesson I learned about love is that “you cannot give what you don’t have.” Ouch! (Mas malalim na sigh)

To everyone, Happy Valentine’s Day. Love yourself so that your partner will know how to love you. Be loving and lovely.

To the singles, worry not. Yearly naman merong Valentine’s Day kaya for sure makakapag-celebrate din tayo with someone one of these days. someone worth it…

TO ALL THE SINGLE WOMEN: Drink, Be Merry and stay gorgeously single as we await for the man of our dreams… our very own Coffee Prince.

Random thoughts

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin at 6:36 pm on Friday, January 25, 2008

‘Di ko akalain…

Noong Bata ako halos mangisay ako sa kakaiyak para lang payagan akong lumabas at maglaro. Ngayon naman na kailangan kong lumabas at gumawa ng errands, nag-iipon ako ng sapat na lakas. Gusto ko, isang bagsakan na lang. ‘Di ko akalain na darating sa buhay ko na maging homebuddy ako as a person.

Kaya naman pala…
Pinipilit ako ng parents ko na matulog noong bata ako. Afternoon naps and sleeping early had always been a fight and a struggle between me and my mom. Kaya naman pala, kasi ngayon sa edad kong ito, matulog ako ng tanghali, maaga, o matagal—may posibilidad na i-judge akong tamad. O, ako na mismo ang nakokonsensya dahil alam ko na madami akong kailangang gawin.

Kasalanan daw…
As in major kasalanan nung bata ako ‘pag di ako kumain o hindi ko inubos ang pagkain ko. Halos mag-jumping jacks sa tuwa ang yaya ko ‘pag madami akong kinain. Ngayon, kasalanan, as in major na kasalanan, sa edad kong ito ‘pag kain ako ng kain at uubusin ko ang lahat ng pagkain. Halos mag-jumping jack sa tuwa ang mga tao sa paligid ko ‘pag nakikita nila na konti ang aking kinakain.

Gano’n ba talaga?
“Pawis ka na naman?” “Ang kulit mong bata ka!”

Crystal clear, bawal ang lapot at pawisan. Ang bilis ko pawisan at ang dami kong enerhiya para pawisan. Nagagalit ang matatanda. Ngayon naman, halos ipagtulakan ako ng mga tao sa paligid kong magpapawis. “Tumataba ka na naman!” “Kailangan mong magpapawis?” “Mag-exercise ka at meron kang pictorial!” say ni Ate Gina and Ate Angeli, my managers. Kailangan ko magpapawis. Kailangan ko magpapayat. Kailangan ba talaga? Gano’n ba talaga!

candy1.jpgKakayanin ba?
Kaya heto ako at nag-jogging. Sumama si Uge sa akin. Sumubok din kaming dalawa na mag-boxing. Halos nag-double vision na kami sa pagod. Nagdyi-gym din ako kung saan mga snobbish ang tao, pero mabait naman ang trainer ko.

Pagkatapos ng lahat ng ito? Nagtimbang ako. ‘Di naman gumalaw yung timbang ko. Lumuwa lang dila ko.

Kakayanin ko ba? Lapot na lapot pa ang itsura namin. Kakayanin ba?                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Pwede naman pala…
Last year, nag-pictorial ako on my own. Trying a new photographer para lang naman, maiba din ang itsura ko, aura ko, dating ko. Nagulat ako sa outcome. P’wede naman pala. Hindi nga lang in-approve ni Ate Angeli Pangilinan ang pictorial na ito. Hindi daw bagay sa image ko. Ang sagot ko naman, “Hindi naman yun ang point ng pictorial, ang gusto ko nga ibang mukha at aura from the past pictorials.”

candyfinal2.jpg
(Photographer: Rxandy +63916 5008459/ Hairdresser: Celeste Tuviera)

Weird naman…
Ang reality ng buhay…Noong mga panahon na pumayat ako ng ganito. Hindi ako masyado kumakain. Hanggang isang araw, naisip ko lang bigla. Trabaho ako ng trabaho pero ‘di ko naman makain ang gusto ko. Kaya kumain ako. Nang tumaba ako, kumonti ang trabaho ko at baka mawalan na ako ng makakain.

Kaya naman pala…
Kumain ako. Natuwa ako. Napagod ako. Nagpahinga ako. Kaya ngayon, gumagapang ako sa hirap ng pagpapayat.

Ang tawag daw diyan ay “cycle of life.” At gano’n, gano’n talaga yun…

Oo nga pala…
Meron akong show sa Eastwood this Saturday, January 26, at 8:00 pm with Leo Martinez. Watch kayo! Suporta naman. Bakit? Ganun…ganun talaga yun!

Sayang ang oras

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin at 3:08 pm on Friday, January 18, 2008

I spent like an hour before I finally settled to write this blog. I had so many things to do, and I didn’t know when and how to begin.

Is that what you call stalling?

Just like now, I’m supposed to write a script, so I open my PC with the intention to write one. But then, I have been seating in front of the computer for hours— surfing the net, checking my mails, uploading new pictures and answering the comments in my multiply account. To those who have been asking, here’s the URL: www.candiva.multiply.com.

Now, I’m writing this blog. I am stalling though. Please naman, huwag kayong mag-deny na nag-stall din kayo as a person. For stalling and doing things other than what you are really supposed to do, nasayang ba ang oras ko? Sayang ba ang oras?

(A deep breath, looks around, stops, grabs the newest edition of Preview magazine, browses through the magazine, then goes back to typing.)

Answer: Nope. I personally believe na hindi naman nasayang ang oras ko sa mga bagay na ginawa ko.

Nalaman ko na may bagong virus na kumakalat sa net. It’s an email entitled “Life is beautiful,” once you open it, your PC will be corrupted and all memory will be erased. I found out the gold in eating a banana everyday. I learned something from each task I did, but I was not able to prioritize which task needs to be done immediately.

Ang sayang sa oras, yung pagagalitan ko yung yaya ng anak ko because nakalimutan na naman niya ang bilin ko na kailangang gluten-free and casein-free ang cookies ni Quentin. Magagalit pa ba ako na parang production number? Hindi na. Sayang sa oras.

Sayang sa oras yung pag-usapan ang mga bagay na hindi naman ako concerned at all. Earlier today, I told a business partner how our colleagues think of her. She’s difficult to deal with, and I told her that because she’s affecting my work. She started defending herself and I said to myself, “Excuse me. Honestly, I’m not interested in the details because I cannot relay that message to every person who already has that perception of her”. Siguro, dapat hindi ko na rin sinabi sa kanya kasi sayang ang oras.

‘Pag ang tao, ayaw makinig at gusto mo lang naman tumulong, ‘wag na. Sayang ang oras.

Meron akong crush na nag-e-effort akong papansin. Pero teka, bakit ako? Babae nga pala ako. Kahit naman ganito ako, naniniwala pa rin ako na ang babae ang sinusuyo. Kaya kung ayaw, tama na. Sayang ang oras.

My mom requested me to do something I didn’t want to do, I obeyed although I grumbled. Sabi nga, “there is so much grace given by honoring your parents.” I just did it, and I realized that grumbling will bring me nowhere. Sayang ang oras.

I had a late-night dinner with Eugene Domingo and Cherry Pie Picache. We were just laughing. Wala kaming pinag-usapang ibang tao. Hindi sayang ang oras doon.

I was with another group the other night. The minute I approached the table, I felt unwelcome. I sensed their eyes were talking. Gosh! Pag-aabalahan ko pa ba ng panahon kung gusto nila ako pag-usapan. At that very point, gusto kong sabihin na, “Alam niyo ba magaling ako magbasa ng tinginan at buntong hingahan school of acting communication arts skills? Kasi iyan ang isa sa qualification sa trabaho ko, to observe”. Sarap sabihin. Kaso hahaba pa ang usapan. Hindi naman aamin. I opted to keep quiet and excuse myself to leave. Sayang ang oras.

‘Pag ang call time ay 7:00 a.m. ‘tapos ang mga kasamahan mo 9:00 a.m. dumadating, tagal pang magbihis at mag-ayos ng buhok, so, another hour for that…sayang ang oras!

‘Pag dwelling on the past, puro ngitngit and galit…sayang ang oras.

Mentioning about my experience about this other group of mine, brought back a little ‘inis’ in my heart… sayang ang oras. Sayang ang writing space.

Lingering too much time at a friend’s house, even when you are no longer needed and doing anything, they say, “don’t let your host be happy twice—first, because you came, and second, because you are finally leaving. Sayang ang oras.

Getting into fights, sayang ang oras.

Getting really pikon with the traffic and pikon with the bus drivers here in Manila, that’s big-time na sayang ang oras.

Fears are stumbling blocks. I have a friend who fears flying in small planes. Imagine going to Boracay, where we have to fly to this town first, then take two and half hours nakakahilo bus ride to reach port area, then a 15-minute ferry ride to Boracay. That’s like six hours wasted time with the checking out, waiting, and blah-blah. Sayang ang oras.

Fear of being laughed at. A friend loves dancing but she never really tried to hone it. Now, she’s 40 plus. I told her to go for it. But if she started when she was younger, baka ngayon, star dancer na siya. Sayang ang oras.

Trying to make people understand your state, yung trip mo…sayang ang oras.

Getting mad, keeping anger…sayang ang oras.

Remembering the “bad things you did to me,” sayang ang oras.

Indulging in cheap talks, a.k.a. as “chismis,” sayang ang Oras.

Waiting for someone na hindi naman nagpapahintay, sayang ang oras.

Analyzing everything too much, sayang ang oras.

Trying to live a life where you have to prove others that you are good, outdoing every person that comes your way, looking at life na parang contest—they’re stressful! Sayang ang oras.

Getting stuck to your miseries in life and your kawawa-naman-ako attitude could take so much energy, to think that doing so would never solve a problem. Sayang ang oras.

Living according to the world’s standard. Contest everyday ang tingin sa life. Forgetting everyone will die. ‘Pag namantay ka, ‘di naman madadala lahat ng yaman kaya sayang ang Oras.

2008 na kapatid! Go for gold! Don’t waste your time.

Gagawa pa nga pala ako ng script. ‘Pag pinahaba ko pa itong blog entry na ito, sayang na ang oras niyo sa pagbabasa kasi point taken na naman. Hindi nga ba?

List it!

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin at 12:25 pm on Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Baduy na ba gumawa ng New Year’s resolution? Baduy na siguro because I don’t get to do it naman most of the time. Eh, kung ipaghalo ko yung New Year’s Resolution ko saka mga wishes ko, at isama ko pa mga prayer intentions ko for 2008, medyo hindi na baduy kasi parang nag-iiba na ang arrive ng mga bagay-bagay.

‘Di ko naman talaga plano gumawa ng New Year’s Resolution until something happened to me last December 31, 2007.

I was invited to do a show for an intimate group of 50 people, composed of family and friends, in a posh village. Meaning, upper class naman talaga itong pupuntahan ko. The dinner was catered by Mandarin Hotel. The ambiance was very quiet and people were very prim, polite, and nice. The beautiful and elegant lady who invited me was very sweet and warm indeed. Until sumalang ako…I was told to speak in English because most of the guests couldn’t understand Filipino. So I did.

Nagpatawa ako (in English), merong tumatawa…konti…mahina.

Change topic. Next set of jokes (in English na naman). Quiet giggles. I looked around the place and I could see all their faces blankly staring at me. Or was it just me?

Next joke. Giggles. That’s it?!

Nagpa-panic na ako! Nag-sketch ako na sure shot and I just got giggles in return. That’s it.

I became honest and told them that I was already having a hard time making them laugh. That’s it! Tagaktak na ang pawis ko! Pati kili-kili ko, pawis na ng todo! I greeted them a Happy New Year, then made a gracious exit.

My personal assistant told me that they were laughing. Mahina nga lang. Maybe that’s how they really are. Controlled ang facial reactions. I had a hard time. I therefore came up with a set of resolutions that day:

1. I shall be more prepared, do more research, practice more, and write new materials for different kinds of audiences. (Ano ba ang nakakatawa sa mga sobrang yaman?)

We had a party last January 1 at director Wenn Deramas’s house. Late ako. Nakakahiya. Hindi tuloy ako makaalis ng maaga. Therefore, from that day on:

2. I will try my best to be always prompt whether I’m attending parties or meeting up with friends. It’s also a sign that I have respect for their time.

Lahat ng tao ngayon, ganito ang sinasabi, “Ang taba mo candy, anong nangyari?” Sa isip ko naman, “Nangyari? Kailan ba merong mangyari kapag tumaba? Hindi ba pwedeng nag-enjoy lang ako this season at kumain ako?” Therefore:

3. I will lose weight by running and going back to the gym.

4. I will be more careful with the words that come out from my mouth. Kahit chika lang kasi minsan, it might already be hurting a person’s feelings.

5. I want to have a solo show at a bigger venue (other than Music Museum).

6. I will put up a business this year.

7. I will enroll in dance classes, voice and drums lessons again.

8. I will receive ____________________ in a check.

Dyahe naman to put the amount. Pero I honestly signed a check, wrote the figures, and then posted it on my notebook. The check symbolizes that I shall be receiving this amount.

9. I will be more kind and gentle with the way I treat people. I’m too straightforward.

10. I will not open my mouth or utter a word that will not be of help to me or others.

11. I will be more firm with my business decisions and partners.

12. I have goals and I will reach them.

13. I pray that God will grant me the grace to be able to fulfill the tasks He has given me as a mother, father, provider, daughter, sister, entertainer, leader, and employer.

14. I pray that we will see the goodness in every person.

15. I pray that there will be more projects so I can provide for my family and help others.

16. I pray that I can make a difference in the lives of children, especially those who are like my son. May the society learn the meaning of acceptance.

17. I pray that …

Ang dami naman pala. Akala ko noong una wala akong masusulat kung ano ang gusto ko for 2008. I realized, sa totoo lang, ang dami! Ngayon pa lang, I’m asking Him to consecrate my 2008. I also thanked Him for my 2007. January pa lang, ang dami ko ng naisip. I’m sure kayo rin.

They say there is power in writing things down. Thing get done somehow.
Even pictures have power. My sister posted a calendar of Europe in her room last 2000, and she did go on a European tour. Buti pa nga siya, eh.

nov_8: Gusto talaga naming apat na gumawa ng show, ‘di lang namin alam kung saan at wala naman kumukuha sa amin.

melito: Gustuhin man kita pakasalan, hindi ubra.

emily1: Salamat sa bonggang-bongga mong affirmation.

abscbnforlife: Hopefully. Pero kung saan ang offer, dun ako.

nov_8: Wala akong magagawa sa desisyon ng management. I’m sure they have a good reason for doing such. I’m sure din na nakadami na sila ng paracetamol being in such a very influential position.

yvetski: Parang ang luma na ng love story namin ng asawa ko para pag-usapan.
electrons01: Sila direk Wenn, Uge, direk Andoy, Chocoleit, Sweet, Harlene, Claude. And yes, mabait si Claudine. Meron akong Valentines show sa museum. Next project ko sa TV, di ko pa alam.

PAMbihira: ‘Di po ako nagse-set sa comedy clubs. Special shows lang po.

Anyhow, whatever you dreams and wishes are for 2008, isama niyo na ako. The more, the merrier. The more you proclaim them, the bigger chance for you to claim them. It happens! Make your List now and post it somewhere you can see it.