My cousin Myra invited me to a dinner date with her hubby, Chuck Lazaro, in Tagaytay Highlands.

Thought bubble: Ang layo naman. Saka bakit sa highlands pa?

Myra told me they have a gift certificate that can be used in one of the restaurants inside Tagaytay Highlands. It would expire daw on November 1.

Thought bubble: Sayang naman talaga ang GC. Saka nice excuse to hang out with my cousin. Guilty pa ako kasi several times na niya ako ini-invite pero di ako nakakarating. Nonetheless, mahal ko pa naman itong mag-asawang pinsan kong ito. Bakit? Basta, mahal ko sila.

I told GB about my cousins’ invitation. He agreed. I totally forgot to inform my mom about Myra’s invitation. We were actually very busy putting up our Christmas trees (three po sila). As in, meron kaming sleepless nights talaga just to finish the Christmas décor in the house. Big event kasi sa mom ko ang pag-aayos ng Christmas tree. Pati nga yung guard, driver at si direk GB, involved na involved na sa paggawa ng decor. In fairness sa guard and driver namin, ang husay na mag-ayos. Alam na ang symmetry and balance composition. Taray, di ba!

NOVEMBER 1. Super puyat kami because tinapos namin yung Christmas trees—na ang mga color motif ay pink, lavender, and gold—sa garage area. Nag-12:00 noon mass pa ako.

GB arrived around 3:00 pm at my place. I was in a rush dressing up because Myra was harassing me to be in Tagaytay by 6:00 pm. Parang magsasarado naman yung restaurant ng 7:00 pm. Ang taba ko naman talaga at parang black lang ang puwede kong suotin. Mga damit ko, hindi kasya ang braso ko. Kakasya naman, kaso malaki ang chance na tumigil ang dugo

On the way to Tagaytay, I fell asleep. Plakda talaga ako. Nagising ako, nasa Tagaytay na kami. GB told me that we’re going to meet my cousin at their house in Tagaytay because Myra would be coming from Enchanted Kingdom, and her hubby, from a tennis tournament.

Thought bubble: Ang yayabang naman nitong si Myra mang-harass ‘tapos siya pala ang late. Okay na rin because I really need to use the comfort room.

The gate of the house was already wide opened and the caretaker was waiting for us. I asked him where Myra was. He just pointed at something without saying anything. Hindi na ako nag-abala mag-usisa at CR na CR na ako.

But GB forcefully led me to the back entrance.

I saw tea light candles all over the house. Ay, brownout pa yata. Malas naman. Kakatakot pa naman pag brownout.

Tilt down ang eyes ko, I saw petals of red roses. (Fast heartbeat…)

GB quietly led me to the veranda area.

(Faster heartbeat…) Then I saw a tent set-up with twig lights at the garden area, overlooking Taal volcano and with the sunset to complete the whole picture.

Thought bubble: Ganda! Kilig! Ang sweet! Abala talaga itong si GB!

Anak ng tokwa tagal kong nagbihis wala naman palang makakakita sa akin. Whew! At oo, naiihi pa rin ako. Pero anti-climactic naman kung mag-CR ako agad. Bilang kita ko naman na parang excited si GB makita ang reaction ko. Ibinigay ko na sa kanya yung appreciation. Pigil pantog muna ako.

GB got my mobile phone. “You are not allowed to use your mobile inside our exclusive restaurant. Tonight, I shall be your official waiter. This is what you call personal service,” say ni GB.

Thought bubble: Baka naman self-service…

When did you prepare all these? Why? Picnic basket ito ni Myra noh. Saka, formal setting? I’m sure, merong tumulong sa iyo. Ginambala mo ba ang pinsan ko? I asked those questions.

“You are also not allowed to ask questions. Let the night’s details be a mystery,” he answered.

Thought bubble: Napakarami namang rules dito sa restaurant niyo. Saka sobrang ginaw kaya.

(Read more… )

Thursday, October 29 @ 8:06 am

Sad ako…Pasensya na. At ang matindi nito, kasalanan ko yung pagka-inis ko sa sarili ko. Time…

Today I have learned a very valuable lesson about being on time.

I was so excited since last week to go up to Baguio for an outreach program for the typhoon victims. I’ve been sending text messages to people asking their support until Ma’am Cory Vidanes, vice-president of ABS-CBN, generously replied saying Sagip Kapamilya is really planning to go up and distribute goods. We decided to consolidate our efforts.

Monday, October 26

Monchet advised me that Ma’am Cory is inviting me to take the trip to Baguio via plane para raw mas convenient kesa sa road trip. Boooy! I was really excited. I was able to collect goods from friends like Gelli De Belen, Carmina Villarroel and Eugene Go of EQ Diapers.

The goods that I collected would be coursed through the office of Congressman Domogan. Maraming goods namang dala ang Sagip Kapamilya. Saya-saya!

October 29 @ 5:00 am

I was already up, getting ready for the trip. Papunta na ako ng bathroom. I saw my portable pink DVD player calling me to watch while in the bathroom…Again, I gave in.

6:00 am: Direk GB was already at my house to drive me to Pasay Hangar, where I would be joining Ma’am Cory Vidanes, Kris Aquino, and good friend Angel Locsin. Okay! Na-stress ako magbihis kung black, white, yellow, red… Kasi nga ang taba ako ngayon kaya ang hirap magbihis. Grrr! As in Grrrr!

6:40 am: We were already on the road to Pasay. Traffic! Todo!

7:20 am: Ma’am Cory texted me, asking me kung saan na ako. We were still in Mandaluyong area.

7:25 am: I told them to go ahead and don’t wait for me. There’s air traffic that have to be considered. Kakahiya kaya sa mga kasamahan ko.

On the way, Direk GB was lecturing me about “Respecting the time of other people.” He was grumbling about my addiction to American and Korean series. I was, yes, totally pissed with him.

Finally, I put down the phone with Ma’am Cory Vidanes and realized that I was left behind because of my bagal-arte-kupad attitude.

We made a U-turn and headed back home. My bad. There was no one to blame but myself. I couldn’t blame Q who made lambing pa to me, and that stalled my time a bit. But it was my entire fault.

When I was in theater, I so hated people who were late. Bakit pag taping and work-related, di naman ako late? I should check my hearts’ intention for today’s outreach. Baka naman excited lang ako sumakay ng plane, di kay? Baka excursion at hindi outreach ang tingin ko sa lakad na ito? Reasons I made up to excuse myself from the real problem, which is tardiness.

Today, I hate myself for being tardy. It is a weakness that I need to overcome. And I should really respect people’s time. Parang I don’t know how to calculate time. I was just talking about there’s a time for everything and here I am, always making more time to watch these series.

I just heard my mom sayt we can go to Baguio now and join the outreach set for 3:00 pm, Friday. I can also bring Quentin for the long land trip. That would be exciting for him.

(Deep breathe) Life goes on as I pledge never to be late again ever.

Bait talaga ng mothers. Sabi ng mommy ko, halika mag-Dapitan na lang tayo at mag-ayos ng Christmas Tree. Family bonding. Haaaay! Nakaka-konsensya, pati ibang tao affected sa emotions ko. Dugtong-dugtong nga talaga ang buhay ng mga tao. It’s a chain reaction.

American time. Filipino Time. Just be on time.

Be a child, life is easier.

My only boy Quentin recently celebrated his 6th birthday last October 16. Heto na, last day of classes yun and we weren’t allowed to celebrate in school that day due to school activities. I had no choice but to celebrate his birthday three days earlier than the last day of regular classes.

Panic: Stresss! Kailangan daw ng invitations according sa yaya.

Huh? Ang demanding ng mga batang ito. Hindi pa sila puwede sa text pass na lang. Kahit inform na lang sila?

“Ay mam, baka hindi po sila magdala ng regalo para kay Quentin?”

“Sabagay, kahit pencil lang naman, masaya na ang bata. Important meron siyang binubuksan. Importante meron siyang party sa school with classmates. Para malaman niya na birthday niya,” ang singit comment ni Granny.

Heto na ako. Ayoko ng mga ready-made na invites. Gusto ko medyo special. Para naman iba. I tried to do a personalized invite for Q. It took me two long nights trying to lay out a Mickey mouse personal invite for Q. Stresss! Hirap pala! Kaya naman pala, nagbabayad sa mga expert na nag-layout kasi it really takes so much time, effort, and patience for someone like me who’s doing this for the first time. I usually ask friends to do this for me. Pero ngayon, crunch time, dyahe!

Yippee! Nakatapos ako. Pina-print sa Kodak! Halos tumambling ako sa tuwa nang nakita ni Quentin yung invite at sinabi niya. “Wow! It’s Mickey Mouse and me!” Yes, it’s Mickey Mouse and you, and mom’s labor of love.

Tawag agad sa Fernando’s bakery. Order ako ng two cakes. 1 Mickey Mouse cake for school and 1 Pocoyo-inspired cake on the day of his birthday. Wala lang. Para sa birthday niya, meron naman siyang cake. I called my friend Jmee, from party links to help me out with the loot bags, party favors, balloons, standee, etc. Basta ang point, kailangan si Mickey Mouse, ka-join sa party. Salamat talaga kay Walt Disney sa ligayang dinudulot ni Mickey sa bagets. Pinapili ko na nga ang anak ko kung mom or Mickey. Nakakaloka kasi parang nahirapan talaga siyang mamili. Hindi ko na inalam ang sagot at baka masaktan ako.

Tuesday: Stress! Umaga pa lang, aligaga na ang lahat sa bahay. Quentin telling everyone, “It’s my early happy birthday to me.”

It was a simple celebration. Q gave away Mickey Mouse director’s chair, balloons, and hats. We brought Jollibee burgers, spaghetti and barbecue. Sarap ng barbecue na inorder ni granny sa may Road 8, kila Gongon. Ang sarap ng sauce sa halagang 15 pesos each.

I was amazed by the reaction of the kids after seeing the two Mickey Mouse standees. I was gladly surprised when the teachers said, “Ganda naman ng invitations ni Q, kasi personalized.” Kung alam lang nila…

We all sang the happy birthday song. Q blew his Mickey Mouse cake then eating time. After a while, kids were asked to fall in line for the loot bags or director’s chairs.

I heard Q call the names of each of his classmates. I was shocked that he knows all their names. He loves all his classmates…dearly loves them that the teacher told me whenever a student is crying, Q would be the first to console him/ her. He will offer a tissue, pat their backs or say, “stop na.” My boy has social skills.

The school party was simple. Q went home happy. Q kept thanking everyone in school.

Everyday since Tuesday celebration became his birthday until today. Why? Friday came and it was his real birthday. He went to school early for their school presentation. He was such a winner. He obediently held the flag for the national anthem. He wore his costume. He danced. He enjoyed every minute of his stage appearance. He was such a trooper.

He knew it was his birthday and parang ok lang naman siya, steady lang. I had a shoot that day. Stress! I was calling to check on Q’s whereabouts. He spent his day sliding in McDonald’s. Kamusta naman siya? Happy naman siya. My shoot finished early. Just in time for me to see his reaction upon seeing his Pocoyo Birthday cake. “Wow, Pocoyo! Wow! Pato and Eli! Pocoyo! Happy Birthday to me!” exclaimed Quentin. He was really very, very, very happy. Indeed, ang ganda naman talaga ng cake. Sobra!

Kung sino man ang gumawa kay Pocoyo, thank you. Kung gaano naman ka-in love ang anak ko kay Pocoyo, marami ang hindi sa kanya nakakilala. Kaloka! Care ko kung di niyo kilala si Pocoyo. Pero ang anak ko napapa-indak ni Pocoyo nang todo.

Friday, 9:00 pm: Mom told me, “Ipag-party natin si Quentin bukas, kahit konting bata lang. Sayang naman ang cake niya. Ikaw nga noon bata ka, ang liit ng cake mo tuwing birthday mo. Pinapatong ko lang sa kahon para tumaas. Saka ako nag-iimbita ng maraming bata para sa cake-blowing.”

Saturday instant party: Stresssssssssss! I texted mostly neighbors, para di naman dyahe kasi biglaan. People came with their kids. Instant food. Instant loot bags. We were thinking of games which would entertain the kids. Pero di naman pala kailangan ng games. Patok ang bola at isang slide sa lahat ng bata.

We were watching Quentin as he played and mingled. “Alam niya talaga na birthday niya. Kahit cake blowing, very cooperative siya.” Granny said

As I was watching the Quentin, I felt so blessed. Finally, my son is enjoying his party. This is the first time I’ve seen him really having so much fun. Naiintindihan na niya ang concept ng party and play. At naiintindihan na slightly siya. Kahit siguro hotdog lang ang i-serve ko, okay lang. Tawa ng tawa si Quentin…Parang ang dali naman pala ng trip nila. Hindi naman kailangan yung mga complicated and bonggang celebration. Kaya simple, kaya masaya, kasi bata, e.

Last October 17, I realized that a heart of a child is what we all need to make our lives easier. A heart of a child is easy to please, and appreciates the given. I’ve been stressed out recently because I’ve forgotten to use the child in me.

Parati ko na lang yata sinasabi yung “life is short” pero kamakailan lang ay bonggang-bonggang sinampal sa fez ko ang true meaning nito.

Sumakabilang-buhay o parlor na po si Nanay Lydia, ang ina ni Direk Wenn V.Deramas. Halos gabi-gabi ay nandoon ako, mali…Gabi-gabi pala ay nandoon kami (ako, direk GB, Mama Taba, sister ko si MM, at ang mga amiga nina Mama na sina Sis Titus, Sis Baby, atbp.) Opo, tumpak, gabi-gabi ay nandoon po kaming buong pamilya, si Quentin lang ang hindi nakabisita bilang bagets. Parang kami nga ang namatayan. Bakit? Ako ang naatasan na magdala ng pari na magmimisa gabi-gabi doon sa wake.

Sa dami namang kilala ng mommy ko na pari ay inako ko na po ang responsibilidad. Gaano kadami? Madami talaga. Remember 12 pari plus 1 bishop ang nagkasal sa akin? Kaya heto ako, wala pang two years, hiwalay. Ang meaning ay tumodo dasal ang mga pari, kaya nagbigyan ako ng grasya na di pahabain ang paghihirap ko. No matter what, alam ko naman na may magandang kinahantungan ang pagdarasal nila.

Sa gabi-gabi kong pag-bring ng pari sa wake, wala naman akong ibang choice kungdi maki-mass na rin. Seven days ang lamay kaya one week straight din po ang mass ko. In fairness kay Nanay Lydia, napa-everyday mass mo ako.

Fr. Vic Sedaya, Claretian priest and Formator presided the mass on the first night. He said something that struck me big time. “When we come face to face with death, we think of our life. Death is a picture of a life lived. That’s why when we go to wakes; we talk about how the person lived her life with you. We sit quietly and think about our own lives; how we live it. Living a life worth living is living a life with purpose.”

Whew…ang bigat naman Father…Purpose in life na ang pinag-uusapan dito. Heavigat nang over! Tuloy ang misa. Deadma na muna sa purpose na yan at masakit sa membrane. Hehe.

Akala ng iba, madali lang mag-invite ng pari. Kailangan mo rin silang asikasuhin, chikahin at pakisamahan. Nakakahiya naman kung tratuhin mo sila na parang hired driver of the day. Kung yung driver nga, matinding pagsusuri ang ginagawa bago makapili, ganun din sa pari. Sa una kasi, ipagkakatiwala mo ang buhay mo. Sa pangalawa naman, ang kaluluwa mo.

Well, base sa experience meron din naman talagang kanya-kanyang strength ang mga pari, bilang human beings din sila. Some of them are really good speakers. Others have the ability to bring you to heavenly peace once they start reciting their sermon. Heavenly peace kasi, makakatulog ka sa boredom. Some priests can test your patience. Yung mga di ko maintindihan magsalita kasi foreigners, so iba ang accent ng English and Filipino nila. Pero minsan naman, hindi mahusay sa sermon pero mahusay naman sa counseling.

Believe it or not, gabi-gabi rin after ng lamay ay meron kaming post-mass meeting assessment. We discuss what happened. We also have a pre-mass meeting, where we discuss and decide who will be the next priest.

Usually, ako ang sumundo kaya ako rin ang maghahatid sa kanila. Hindi ko natiis at tinanong ko ang one-million question. Ano po ba yung purpose ko? Paano ko malalaman? Ano po ba, parang magiging prophet ako or ala-Mike Velarde? Hindi ko yata kaya. I have nothing against Mike. As a matter of fact, I totally admire the work he’s been doing.

Sabi ni Father, “huwag mo i-complicate ang buhay mo, and do just what you have to do. God gave you a kid then you are purposely made to be a mother. Be a good mother. You are given the talent to perform and a gift of humor, then make people laugh to ease out their pains. Kanya-kanya tayong purpose. Walang gayahan ng purpose.”

Si nanay Lydia passed away at 77 years old. My mom is 72 years old. Ibig ba sabihin 5 years na lang? Well, it all depends if she has already fulfilled her purpose.

Nung day of the burial, isang Dominican priest naman ang nag-celebrate ng mass. Nagpatawa ito at nagsabing, “Bakit ang pari sa patay lang kinukumbida? Bakit hindi invited ‘pag birthday? Pero okay na rin kasi minsan lang naman mamatay ang tao, puwede itong makailang birthday. Kaya kung sino ang mga nakita niyo dito sa lamay, na dumamay ay mga kaibigan niyong totoo. Kasi hindi party ang pinuntahan kung hindi ikaw mismo at ang pamilya mo.”

Napatingin ako sa paligid, may mukha akong nakita na ilang gabi ko nang nakikita sa burol. Napaisip ako sa mga taong pumunta, dumaan, chumika, kumain, at naki-misa. Napa-isip tuloy ako kung maraming pupunta sa lamay ko. Depende iyan siguro kung lubos kong nagawa yung purpose ko in life.

“Aray!” say na again ng membrane ko na feeling melodramatic na sa eksena sa punenarya. Nagsalita si Direk Wenn, hindi ako naiiyak, okay ako. Tanggap ko. Nauna lang si nanay, susunod ka rin. Bakit ako agad? E, mas matanda si Direk sa akin. Bakit hindi puwedeng siya?

Sabi ni Direk Wenn sa akin noong third night, hindi raw sila nakapagpaalamanan nang maayos. Mula noong gabi na yun, natuto na akong magpaalam sa mama ko tuwing aalis ako ng bahay. Dati kasi, deadma na sa goodbye. Mahirap pala yun kasi “Life is too short.”

Hindi natin alam kung kailan ang ending natin. Pero pag sinabi Niya sa taas na finish or not finish, pass your papers! Pass your papers na talaga. Tapos bibigyan ng grade ni Lord ang buhay natin. Whew! Kaya nga ako nagsulat ng entry agad kasi itong simple responsibilidad kong sumulat, purposely for Filipinos worldwide, ‘di ko nagagawa nang maayos. Bagsak na agad ako sa grading. Pero hangga’t ‘di pa pass your papers, gawa lang ng gawa nang makabawi sa low grades.

Living a life with a purpose is living a life to the fullest.

Not living a good life is living it for the foulest.

Hindi ko naman pala kailangan maging madre, o magsilbi nang OA sa church. I just have to do my job well and try to live a good life. Parang madali noh…Yun na nga ang ginagawa ko every day at parang di siya ganun kadali.

When I was younger I always sing, “Rain, rain go away/ Come again, another day/ Little candy wants to play.” I don’t know if it was just coincidence but there were times when the rain would stop after my heartfelt chant. I never got the chance to play in the rain. We first lived in Banawe, Quezon City; transferred to Plaridel St., Dona Aurora, Quezon City; then Visayas Avenue, again, in Quezon City. Lahat yun main roads kaya takot yaya ko na habang laro ako sa ulan, maglaho ako at masagasaan ng cars.

Ganun lang ang ulan sa akin noon. I just wanted to play.

As I was getting older, rain would make me quite happy kasi kapag may bagyo, no classes according to DECS. It’s a perfect day to accept a suitors because the rain brings a romantic setting. It’s also a day to ponder. A rainy day is also a senti-sentihan day. Parang gumagawa ako ng MTV sa window pane ng room ko.

Today, rain means no windowpane but pain…and grief!

As I watch the YouTube videos of cars toppling over and the people embracing the trunk of a tree to save his life, I can’t help but be thankful that my family and I are safe.

Mga kwentong isang batang 10 years old, sinasagip ang ibang maliliit na bata, ang ending siya ang nalunod. Mga pamilya ng kaibigan ko nasa ibabaw ng bubong at di makaalis, naghihintay na may sumagip sa kanila. Mga katawan ng tao na inanod ng malakas na tubig at natagpuan sila sa kabilang creek sa loob ng isang subdivision. Mga taong nakuryente. Mga mukha ng taong umiiyak. Mga kamay na nag-aabutan para tulungan ang isat-isa. Mga batang umiiyak. Mga ina na buhat ang kanilang mga anak. Mga kotseng inaanod. Mga patay na hayop na patung-patong, mga kotseng patung-patong, mga bahay na tinabunan ng lupa.

May napanood akong video na sa una, ang mga bata ay masayang nagtatampisaw sa baha. Ang sumunod na clip, pati yung signage ng poste ay di ko na makita. Pati ang wall ng Corinthian Gardens ay bumagsak. Ang mga kasamahan kong artista ay di exempted sa unos na ito. There was no demarcation line pagdating sa sakuna. Walang mayaman, walang mahirap, walang pinipili ang baha.

Sigurado ako, ang dami niyo na pong nakitang pictures at video. Aaminin ko po na sa sobrang gulat ko ay di ko naisipan kumuha ng picture. Kasi po, parang iba ang dapat gawin ng kamay ko, and taking pictures was the least important at the moment.

The day after that dreadfully nonstop rain pour. I saw piles of junk, rocks, wood, and etc. on the street. Some were busy cleaning their houses of mud. There were people staring at their wet things. Some were simply staring and looked helpless.

I have never seen a Sunday mass filled with people. And yes, every one was trying their best to actively participate in singing and reciting the response.

Thank you, Angel Locsin, for mobilizing every one to help in Bagong Silangan, Payatas. Thank you for the opportunity and privilege to be able to be of help. It was Direk GB’s first time to join a relief operation, and I saw in him the joy what helping others can give. Thank you to ABSCBN foundation Sagip Kapamilya and all the volunteers who willingly helped.

Thank you to all who donated and responded to Angel’s call for help. I am thanking every one in this blog for the concern.

Kanina naman join ako sa aming community to visit the beside-the-creek victims of a nearby area.

So many transformation in less than a day. The elegant Fernwood Gardens, which is a famous haven for parties, became an evacuation site for the typhoon victims. Pero on the side, napansin ko, aligaga ang mga adults pero ang mga bagets, play lang ng play. Wa sila care kung sino ka o ano ka.

Kapamilya, Kapuso, Kakekikoku, it goes beyond network wars. Sa mga di ko nakasama sa pamimigay…Our friends from GMA kapuso does non-stop outreach programs as well.

Thank you sa lahat ng mga shout out sa Facebook asking for prayers and mobilizing groups to go out and help, and also to the blogs that posted and reposted hotline numbers, malaking bagay din yun.

In the end, I saw people helping people. I saw hearts full of compassion and hope. I saw the Filipinos loving fellow Filipinos. I saw downpour of love.

Kailangan ba umulan at masalanta ang marami para magising tayong lahat? Kaninong kasalanan ba ang pangyayaring ito? Sa local government? Sa MMDA? Sa DPWH? Sa mga illegal loggers? Sa Malacanang? Sa barangay captain? Sa di naglinis ng drainage? Sa mamang ginagawang ashtray ang creek? Sa batang nagtapon ng balat ng candy? Sino ba ang may kasalanan?

I think lahat tayo ay may kasalanan. O sige, kung ayaw mo, ako meron. I cannot point fingers because I am also guilty of improper trash disposal or of indifference.

Every thing has become worthless. We spend so much time in accumulating material possession. In just one snap, all gone. Parang nag-general cleaning ang buong Metro Manila. Maybe kailangan rin natin mag-general cleaning sa ating mga sarili. Change starts with one’s self. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Totoo pala yun. We have unnecessary stuff (for us) that need to be disposed and may be necessary stuff for others, but we keep them.

On the third day, He rose again. Parang ganun yung nangyayari sa atin. On the third day, people join together and rose from the occasion, from the tumultuous experience.
Lahat ng nakausap ko, isa ang kwento. “Akala ko mamatay na ako.” Wala akong maggawa kung di magdasal. Totoo din pala yun. Noong umuulan at nanonood ako ng TV, wala akong maggawa kung di magdasal. Hindi ko naman kaya iharang ang katawan ko sa tubig.

Everything has a reason. We may even have different reasons and opinions of why it happened.

“All things work for the good for those who love the Lord,” ang sabi sa Romans 8:28.
I do hope every thing works out for the good for all of us. I can see an opening towards that path. Let it be. Just let it be.

Ngayon iba na ang kanta ko, “Rain, rain go away/ Keep us safe this I pray/ Give us all a brighter day.”

There’s a time for everything. I didn’t understand this when I was younger. I simply thought that it was about time management.

There’s a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to labor under the sun, and a time to rest. And because of this, I was also scared to laugh hard. Yun bang sobrang saya kasi nakakatakot na baka any moment, iiyak ako after. Di ba nga, marami ang naniwala sa ganun.

Today, the cliché has a different meaning for me. It still is about time management, but it goes beyond time. It’s about the roles that one person plays each day of his/her life.

Now I am a guilty blogger who hasn’t submitted a new entry because I was so busy playing my other real-life roles.

The minute I am at work, I am an artist, actress, comedienne, and when people ask me to pose for a picture with them, I am a public figure. Parang simple lang, di ba…Pero it becomes complicated the minute I let go of being a mere artist even at my work place.

I am also a friend. I am not just a colleague but a friend as well. I’d like to believe that some of the people I’ve worked with have transcended our relationship to something which has deeper accountability, and it’s called friendship. I will forever be a fan to some people I work with.

The General Santos shoot made me realize so many things. Si Kulot parati kong binibiro. ‘Tapos nawala siya, parang ako ang nabiro. Sa shooting kasi, hindi mo masasabing trabaho lang. Maghapon at magdamag kayo magkasama hanggang makilala mo na ang mga trip at sumpong ng mga tao sa paligid. I became one of them. More than being a kasamahan sa trabaho, nagiging magkaibigan.

Pag lumabas ako ng trabaho, mas madami pala akong real-life roles na ginagampanan kesa sa trabaho.

I am a sister to my siblings. Opo, tatlo pa ang kapatid ko, at meron silang iba’t-ibang pangangailangan.

I am also a daughter to my mother. E, iba ang nanay ko. Hindi lang po siya basta nanay ko, pero nanay siya ng buong community namin.

I am also a community member of the church, kung saan meron din kaming mga outreach programs. Hindi lang yun, mahirap hindi nagpaparamdam sa simbahan kasi naliligaw ako. Aminan lang naman. Hindi ganun kadali magpakabait.

I am also an elder sister to a lot of youths, who look up to me and run to me for advice. Iyan naman ay napag-alaman, at na-realize ko recently nang hindi ako makatanggi sa mga bata.

I am also a friend to a lot of people. I am a high school classmate and had shared a lot of things with my former schoolmates. I am also a theater person. I have theater friends from college at the University of the Philippines. I am also an alumna, at kapag may kailangan yung school ay available ako hanggang sa kaya ng powers ko.

I am also a girlfriend, of sorts. Kaya naman, join ako kay direk na nagpa-lasik sa American Eye sa Shangri-la. Ang taray, dahil American Eye pala ang first ever lasik procedure sa buong mundo noong 1995… nasa Pilipinas ito. Ang taray. Pati mga equipment, ang taray! The eyes are the windows to one’s soul. Ang lalim pala talaga ng meaning nito. A day after the operation, pagbukas ng mata ni GB, ang sabi niya “purple pala talaga itong orchids na ito, ang ganda.” What sharpness and color can do to elate one’s emotions.

I am also a citizen of this country, and I also have a responsibility being one. Kaya naman pag merong shows out of the country para sa Filipino community, heto walang OA, meron akong ibang nararamdaman na saya sa puso ko pag nagpe-perform ako sa harap nila.

Sa totoo lang, madalas nga nakokonsensya ako na mag-update ng entry dahil naalala ko ang mga kababayan natin na kahit sa simpleng entry ay napapa-smile sila.

Kakatapos lang ng show namin sa Great America Park, San Jose para sa 15th anniversary ng TFC. Ang saya ng show at punung-puno ng tao ang Amphitheatre. It was a whole day Kapamilya event, kung saan ang daming activities na bonggang-bonggang mga pasabog from TFC.

Two hours ang show po namin pero siksik, liglig at umaapaw ang entertainment na dala naming ni Chokoleit bilang host. E, ka-join pa namin sina Bugoy at Laarni na kung kumanta ay parang merong built-in ampli sa katawan. ‘Tapos nasilaw ang lahat sa ganda ni Bea Alonzo kung saan nagpa-Betty La Fea look alike contest kami. Ka-join din naming ang “Kanto Boys” ng ASAP na sila Vhong Navarro, Billy Crawford, Luis Manzano at John Lloyd Cruz. Meron silang mga solo spots pero mas nakakaloka noong sila ay nagsama-sama. Halos lumabas ang esophagus kakatili ng 12,000 plus na katao. Akala ko nga may bagyo.

Hindi pa iyan ang ending kasi, kasama pa namin ang singing sensation na si Charice Pempengco at ang walang kupas na si Rachel Alejandro. Back up pa sa bonggang celebration na ito ay sina ang show director, John-d-Lazatin, events coordinator Dave, TFC head Mickey Munoz, ABS-CBN boss Cory Vidanes, at pati ang big boss na si Sir Gabby Lopez.

Nakakapagod pero nakakatuwa. Nakakahilo pero nakaka-touch panoorin ang 12,000 nating kababayan na sumisigaw, tumatalon, at totoong nagagalak. At para mas bongga ang event na ito, namigay ang TFC ng house and lot and two round trip tickets to the Philippines.

I’m on my way back home because, I am a mother. A mother to Quentin na kahit hilo, pagod, bugbog, puyat ay gagawan ko ng paraan na um-attend ng fun run nila bago ako umalis. Kasi…kasi…Nanay nga ako. Kaya nga ako nagtatrabaho para sa kanya.

And not to forget, I am blessed to have all these real-life roles. I am blessed with 24 hours a day, 30 days a month, 12 months a year with life, vigor, and courage to embrace all these because I am a child of God.

With all the roles that I portray, being a child of God is most important para magawa ko yung ibang roles…Kasi, hindi naman ako superwoman. Hindi sapat ang powers ko pag wala siya.

Ikaw, ano naman ang roles mo? Ang dami, di ba?

Pero don’t forget to give time for yourself because you cannot give what you don’t have.

This is a long blog. Please bear with me till the end. Di kita bibiguin.

“Okay then, let’s see each other promptly at 4:00 p.m., Chili’s Greenhills,” I tell my good friend Gelli.

Phone rings…

“I can’t bring you to Chili’s because we have to tape two important segments,” my ICF said.

“No problem,” is my calm reply, but the truth: I am in panic. My mom borrowed my car and the other car was in the shop for repair.

POWER FOUR. It is a very important day because I’ll be meeting my friends. It’s a rare chance that Aiko, Gelli, Carmina and I would have the time to gather together under one roof. I call our group the power four. “Power” because when we join forces, no one can “make singit” in our conversation.

Today is the schedule of that major event! Oh my, I can’t be late. I can’t be absent.

Delikado noh! Yung absent, siya ang pinag-uusapan usually. Whew!

To solve the minor glitch, I give Aiko a phone call to ask if she can pick me up. Thank goodness, she’s a willing victim. On our way to Greenhills, Aiko and I are very excited as we chat about quick updates, and share makeup secrets.

As usual, Gelli arrives on time. Upon entering the resto, a public servant, mayor of Pampanga, says hi to Aiko. O nga pala, politician na si Aiko. At automatic naman ang support namin ni Gagay sa chika portion ni Aiko.

After mga 30 minutes, dumating naman si Carmina na merong migrane. Parang normal na naman talaga na merong migrane si Carmina. Pero bago ang lahat, “puwede picture?” say ni Carmina. Todo agree naman kaming lahat bilang atat kami lahat sa picture.

Halos araw-araw magkasama sina Gelli at Carmina dahil sa SiS. Si Aiko naman ay missing in action dahil busy sa action sa public service. Si Gelli naman, madalas akong tawagan pag traffic and bored siya, or pag nagtatanong ng bagong Asian novela.

Sina Carmina naman at Aiko ay parehong may pagka-serious. Pareho silang ayaw pinagagalitan, at hindi nagsasabi ng problema pag malapit na matapos ang problema. Kami ni Gagay, pareho kaming merong “wala lang” and “bahala kayo” attitude. Basta less complications para mas simple ang buhay.

Dahil magkatabi sina Aiko and Mina sa seating arrangements, pa-simple kami ni Gagay na nag-chikahan about our Asian novelas. Opo, pasimple kasi nabwibwisit sa amin yung dalawang mestiza pag engrossed na engrossed na kami sa topic.

Bakit ngayon lang ako nagpalit ng entry? Kasi na-convince ako ni Gagay panoorin ang We Got Married reality series, starting with episode 9.

Yung tandem ni HyunJoongYun and Hwangbo ay talaga namang bonggang bongga. Kilig! Watch niyo hanggang episode 38.

Kami ni Gagay ang unang naging magkaibigan nung ginawa naming yung Secrets of Sarah Jane. Si Aiko naman ay naging kaibigan ko through another friend, ‘tapos gumawa rin kami ng movie. Si Carmina naman, nagkakakilala kami sa Hindi Magbabago pero naging close kami sa Tropang Trumpo. Iba’t-ibang paraan, lugar at pagkakataon ko sila naging mga kaibigan. Malay ko ba na magkakaibigan na rin pala sila.

As expected, sabay-sabay na naman nagsasalita ang lahat at biglang tatahimik pag merong major issue na hindi pa nata-tackle. Quick updates about each one kasi susunod si Patrick Meneses, na boyfriend ni Aiko for two years now, si GB na “It’s complicated Friend,” sina papa Ariel and papa Zoren.

Kung dati inuumaga kami sa kuwentuhan, ngayon, inaantok na kami by 11:00 p.m. Hahahaha! ‘Tapos in between chikahan, merong breaks pag kailangan i-check ang mga bagets. Nagkatinginan na lang kami nung na-realize namin how things have changed and how time has passed. (Read more… )

Every moment is precious. Every minute is momentous.

So true! And I started believing in these statements ever since I became a mother.

It seemed like it was just yesterday that I was having problems with my son’s constant vomiting after every meal, with his unexplainable tantrums, with his burst of extreme emotions that causes him to inflict pain on himself or to me.

It seemed like it was just yesterday na pinagbintangan ako ni Direk Wenn [Deramas] na meron akong jowang nambubugbog dahil ang dami kong pasa sa braso from Quentin.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when I didn’t know what to do and how to handle my child’s special needs.

It seemed like it was just yesterday that I started to research and put my son into therapy, and into another therapy, and another, and another.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when I prayed to God and asked him to make Quentin talk so I can better understand him.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when I cried to Him, “please, give my son friends, whom he can talk to me about.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when the teachers in social classes complained about Quentin exchanging his food with other kids so he can taste their baons.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when my son couldn’t wear a shirt or pee on his own.

These days, my son Quentin has improved a lot. No prayer was put to waste. No effort was left unrewarded. No mountain was high enough, sabi nga sa kanta, for your own child.

Recently, I visited my developmental doctor, who broke the good news. Quentin passed the assessment for kinder level. He’s now eligible to attend grade 1 next school year in a mainstream progressive school. Amazing!

Oo naman, parang nag-one woman show pa rin ako in front of my son, Quentin, while waiting for our turn in St. Luke’s. But there’s so much improvement. Kung dati, kailangan ko pang tumambling maaliw lang siya. Ngayon, nakukuha na sa clapping of hands and voice acting ang pang-aliw sa kanya. Semi-wrestling pa rin kami, pero at least, tumitigil na siya sa word na “stop.”

Thank you for all your prayers and recommendations. Today, my son is better because a lot of people prayed for him and helped us.

Every developmental milestone of a child is very essential to one’s growth. There are so many things that we take for granted. Hindi natin naa-appreciate ang maingay nating anak, na kay daming tanong na ang hirap na sagutin. Hindi natin naa-appreciate ang strength and grip ng kanilang hands. Hindi natin masyado naa-appreciate that they can understand, feel, read, and talk. Akala natin pag ang bata, hindi gumapang, okay lang… Importante pala yun, kasi yun ang natural course of life.

One of the downsides of being a single parent is not being able to spend long hours with my child because I also have to work. Pero ganun talaga…Kung sabagay, parang mas pagod pa nga ako pag magkasama kami kasi kailangan mababa ang energy ko at para hindi ako sundan ni bagets. E, natural na mataas ang energy ko. Ewan ko nga ba…

It seemed it was just yesterday that my son performed onstage with his classmates. Oo nga, mistulang meron siyang ibang steps pero he did enjoy the dance. Totoo pala yung mga palabas na pag nakita mo yung anak mo sa entablado na nagpe-perfrom ay nakakaiyak. Siyempre, hindi ko binigay yung iyak ko sa harap ng madlang people, bilang nakatingin sila sa akin. In this performance, naging tambay na naman ako ng banyo at dun ako nag-break down while watching the video again. Hindi bumaba ang anak ko sa stage. Hindi nga rin siya pumirmi. But still tinapos niya.

If my memory serves me right, there was a school presentation where all my son did was cry for the whole hour and a half hanggang mapaos na siya.

Let me share with you the video kung saan nagtagumpay ang anak ko sa pagtitimpi na bumaba ng stage.

Kung ano man ang hindi ko nabantayan sa anak ko yesterday at nagugulat na lang ako na nagagawa na niya today, wala na akong magagawa about that. But I will make sure that whatever my son can do today, he will do much better tomorrow. Paano ko nalaman? Basta! If you will it, God will give it.

Sa lahat ng parents, kasama na ako dun, time is of essence. Hindi na maibabalik ang past. Hindi na maibabalik sa pagiging baby or bata ang mga anak natin. Totoo nga na nakakagulat na isang araw, college na pala sila.

…5, 4, 3, 2, 1…Action!!!

(Makikita ang lahat ng mga characters na kasama sa eksena na ginagawa ang mga instructions na ibinigay ni direk. After five beats ay magsisimula ng magsalita ang unang character na nakasulat sa script.)

Assistant Director: Cut! Re-touch daw sabi ni direk.

Actor: Sino?

Assistant Director: Anong sino? Ano? Yung pagkain, dish, paki re-touch ang plating. Or ayusin ang plating please, kasi nagulo.

This is the usual scenario off cam or on the set of Only You. Re-touch ang pagkain. Yes, pagkain po ang inaayos at tinututukan, more than the actors. Oo nga naman, hindi nga naman kaya ng pagkain i-retouch ang sarili niya, unlike the actors na kayang ayusin ang sarili.

Only You had three great months of good ratings and thanks to all of you. What’s the secret behind the top rating show? Just like making a good dish, it has to have the right combination, freshness, and crispness of the ingredients, plus patience and a lot of love to mount it all up and serve only the best.

I had the privilege to work with great actors, who are also good-hearted people. I worked with people who love their job and take it seriously. Sinu-sino ba sila?

Si Nanay Cora ay masarap kasama, sa set taga-balanse ng timpla.

Al Tantay na talagang nakakatawa dahil ang utak nito ay kakaiba.

Kuya Pipo ay isang aktor na makuwento, at ang pampalipas oras niya ay ang pagtugtog ng gitara.

Itong si Dimples ay kontrabida sa TV pero sa totoong buhay ay kakampi mo siya.

Aba, Justine is the silent water runs deep pero patok sa tambalan with Dina.

Tatay Rod, talaga namang siya’y kakaiba, lahat ng edad gustong barkada.

Matalino at mabait si Gabe, ang role ay aking asawa.

Bing Pimentel ay isang beauty queen na kahit off-cam ay talagang poised na poised po siya.

Palmira, na karakter ni Melanie Marquez, is what you see is what you get. Yun na.

Mababaw, sarap patawanin at may plus one pa na napakabait na nanay si Iya Villana.

Jonathan o Diet, hindi nagbago mula noong Mula sa Puso, kung saan una ko siyang nakilala.

Si TJ o Sam Milby ay bulol. Totoo iyan pero talaga namang nagsusumikap madiretso ang dila niya.

Angel Locsin ay masipag, walang reklamo, at patas makisama sa lahat.

Si direk Jeffrey ay mahaba ang pasensya, at magaling sumayaw ang kanyang Yaya.

Si direk Rory naman, noong una ay takot ako sa kanya, mabait naman pala.

Meron ba akong di nabanggit na cast?

Patawarin niyo ako. Malamang hindi kita madalas ka-eksena, ngunit hindi ibig sabihin hindi ka nagmarka sa buhay ko. Nagmamadali lang ako matapos ito para ma-submit ko na kay Karen (ang managing editor ng PEP). Kagaya ng pagkain, pag hindi hinain pagkatapos lutuin, palasak na ito. Kaya habang mainit-init pa ang emosyon ko ay sinusulat ko na.

Nag-outreach din kami last Sunday, August 16, 2009, sa Payatas. Walang arte sina Sam, Diet, Angel, Direk Rory, at ka-join din si Rima, ang lovelife ni Diet. About 1,100 ang kids na aming hinarap. Game na game naman ang lahat na chumika sa gitna ng init at masikip na covered court ng Payatas.

Sa set ng Only You, meron akong dalaw parati. Wala akong narinig mula sa mga kasamahan ko. Ni hindi lumabas ang pagdalaw na ito sa set. May mga bagay na hindi na naman kailangan ilabas at maaring sa set na lang manatili ang balita. Yun ang masasabi kong respeto. Walang panahon ang mga cast and production na pag-usapan ang buhay ng iba, kasi nga, busy sa paggawa ng isang magandang palabas. Yun ang focus.

Ang EP (executive producer) naming si Sackey ay manganganak kasabay ng patatapos ng show. Ang AP (associate producer) naming na si Jaja, may timbre ang boses na talagang kami ay nagmamadali. Si EJ, best PA ang aming tawag. Si Ate Amy ng wardrobe ay memorize ang lahat ng continuation. Si Mervin na assistant director ay kamahalan kung bansagan. Si Ate My, EP rin na pumalit kay Sackey, who will soon give birth, ay walang toll ang pagka-cool.

Mula sa cast, creative, production, promo, management hanggang sa crew…

Wala akong itatapon ni isa sa inyo,

Lahat kayo ay importante sa show na ito,

Kahit ang naglatag ng kable ay pinagbutihan mo,

Kaya ang sikreto ng show na Only You

Ay ang bawat taong kasama na nagpuyat, napagod at nakasama ko.

At siyempre, noong hinainan sa madlang Pilipino,

Talaga namang pinanood at tinutukan ninyo,

Kayo ang bumuo at nagpakumpleto ng rekado.

Maraming Salamat. Hanggang sa muli. Sa susunod na teleserye. Magkita-kita tayo.

(Makikita na dahan-dahan sinasarado ang huling pahina ng iskrip, nakasulat in Bold letters: THE END.)

It’s better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all… How true? It’s so easy to say these words. But in reality, it’s so hard to acknowledge and accept this fact for the person who has lost a loved one. All I know is losing somebody physically or emotionally, losing one’s self-dignity, losing control of one’s emotions are all leading to some kind of death. Kaya nga siguro pag naloko ka sa lovelife, ang nasasabi mo na lang “papatayin kita.” Kasi nga, ikaw na nasaktan ay namatay in a certain way. Yung death is an inevitable key to progress. Sabi nga, kailangan daw talaga mamatay to be reborn.

Ah..eh… parang mahirap yata yun. Noon, ang mga favorite lines ko ay “I cannot live without you,” “You are my life,” and of course, Tom Cruise’s Jerry Maguire line: “You complete me.” Kaya naman pala ako naloloka pag naiiwan, kasi inaasa ko ang kasiyahan ko sa ibang tao. Na-realize ko noong nag-asawa ako, nahiwalay, hindi pala basis ang linyang “I cannot live without you” kasi hanggang ngayon buhay na buhay pa ako.

The question playing on my mind right now is “Can I live with the person?” I realize that I’m perfectly okay and comfortable on my own. Having somebody else in my life, other than the given like my son, my mom and sister is getting out of my comfort zone.

While I was watching “And I love you so…” premiere night last Tuesday at Trinoma, I was able to relate to Bea’s character. I’m quite sure that most of you will be able to relate to her character as well. One of her major fears is allowing a new person to enter her life, to love her, and making him another source of happiness. Nakakatakot nga naman talaga?! Honestly. People have been asking me about nasaan na ang sitwasyon ko ngayon. When I say na hinay-hinay lang. Hindi naman ako showbiz.

Plunging into a relationship is also allowing that person to hurt you again. Kaya nga po hinay-hinay lang. Totoo naman pala yung kasabihan na pangit kainin ang prutas na pilit na pinahihinog. Kaya nagpapahinog talaga dapat muna ang relasyon bago truly ito i-confirm.

“You complete me.” Kalokohan ang linyang ito. I often ask myself if I am still too broken to get into a relationship. Is the person I will be with whole as a person or broken as well? I realized that nobody can complete me, nor can I complete somebody else’s life. Oo nga naman, 1+1=2 then 2 becomes 1. Hindi nga naman ¾ + ½= 2 or 1 ¼  becomes 1. Wala namang ganun.

Time doesn’t heal wounds only God can. It’s not true that easily getting into another relationship can help a person move on. Moving on is a personal decision, which parang nag-doctorate yata sa course na ito. Ngayon, pag okay na ang lahat after the storm and death…. Biglang may dadating, nakakatakot nga naman talaga. Matching pa ng judgment ng mga tao left and right, sakit sa membrane. Nakakatakot? Oh yes! Sabi nga ni Andrew de Real pag nai-in love at pumapalpak, “De Real, Okay ka naman!” with matching palo sa forehead. “Pangilinan, okay ka naman! Pangilinan, tama ba ito?” magka-asawang palo sa forehead ito.

Risk is a part of growth. Letting oneself smile and be loved is a risk. I know that I still do not know if I am doing the right thing. That’s why baby steps, one step at a time…Let my Father in heaven help my walk.

I have died once in my life. In my death I was given a New Life. This New Life I cherish for it’s a gift.

“And I love you so” showing at all theaters nationwide, except SM cinemas. It’s about falling in love again, the fear of falling and allowing another person enter your comfort zone. Laurenti Dyogi under Star Cinema directs this movie. Opo, kasama ako sa movie na at… at… involve na involve ako sa pelikula na ito nang bonggang-bonggang.

Do watch this film and be not afraid to fall in love again. Watch and learn that loving one self is essential to have a good relationship with another person. Resurrection ko na ba? Sana po. Sana.